From Port To Port

Today we're driving from Portland, Oregon, to Port Angeles, Washington. 230 miles o'fun.

When it's not raining, there's a really nice view out the car window...

There's an even better one inside....

Heh heh heh

Four hours later, we arrive in Port Angeles!

I should tell you a bit about Port Angeles. P.A. is famous for several things, notably:

*It's the place that has the ferries that can take you to Victoria, British Columbia,

annnnd

*Bella and her chums went there in Twilight. (More on that later....)

I myself am here because I'm visiting my aunt and uncle, who live in town. My mom's with me. We come here every year or two, only I can't remember when the last time was, but whatever, moving on....

 My aunt & uncle have a cat & a dog...

They are both adorable, as dogs and cats ought to be.

On our first full day in Port Angeles, my mom and aunt want to paint rocks and birdhouses.

So we paint!

Behold the as-yet-unfinished rock of strawberry non-glory!

That evening, we go for a walk -- my mom, my uncle, the dog, and I.

I'm carrying my camera.

I see an eagle!

And an airplane!

 My mom, my uncle, and the dog totally leave me behind...

:(

The next day, my mom, my aunt and I venture into the main part of Port Angeles...

Oh hey, what's this?

HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Didn't that used to be....

Twilight shop, noooooo!

I wrote about the place in 2010. And now it is no more. 

Moment of silence for the Twilight shop....

Surprisingly, the only Twilighty thing I see in the whole town this visit is a postcard that says "Welcome to Forks" It has a photo of the high school and a red pickup. Sort of sad.

We have lunch at this great place, I forget its name--

A Roy Rogers -- yum!

While waiting for our food, I play around with the macro settings on my camera...

...and we watch some football on the telly.

That evening, after dinner, we visit a nearby playground. And you know me -- I take pictures...

And why, yes, I did manage to injure myself! Twice!

Sadly, we leave Port Angeles the next day. The drive home is pleasant....

I am even allowed to get out of the car a few times and take photos.

Washington drivers are a fun bunch...

Hey, put those paws on 10 and 2, dog!

After a four hour drive, we are back in Portland. The past few days have been peaceful, but fun.

Next travel adventure destination: Minneapolis! 

Better Homes & WTFery: 1970s Edition (Part 2)

And we're back! With more goofy ads from the 1970s (specifically 1974). Are you ready? I am so ready.

(For those who missed it, here's Part 1)

Well, I think we've found the softer side of Sears.

17 luscious colors, from delicate turquoise to deep avocado gold.

Avocado Gold. The nicer way of saying "mashed peas."

Avocado Gold actually goes really well with pink, you know....

Speaking of luscious colors...

I had to have my mother explain this one to me. This is an actual thing that some older ladies do, so they look natural as they age. I guess it's like those men who shave their heads as soon as they start going bald. Oh well, all that really matters is that Mr. Barker approves!

I wonder if most people who subscribed to the Henry Honey Bear delivery system were actually having the letters sent to their enemies? Because that's just a bit creepy.

HECK YEAH PLAID PANTS! I have to say, fashions in the 70s were crazy.

And sometimes just a little too informative....

Kelly, Property of the Gallaghers

Tim, Property of the Gallaghers

And to think, if they had just one more kid, they could start building houses & hotels on them!

"Suzanne falls in the dirt practicing for running races." 

As opposed to swimming races? Walking races?

How many times has she fallen in the dirt? Have they had her checked for inner ear problems?

But more importantly, YELLOW PANTS.

If I had to wear yellow pants I'd fall down in the dirt, too, so at least they'd become a more natural-looking color (that being brown.)

Sure. Any teacher who's been at it a few years will be sure to let you know how much he/she appreciates receiving their 400TH MUG.

(Just kidding, kids. We love ya.)

Apparently the e-book revolution started early.

The weird thing? I've never head of this toy, and it should have still been around during my childhood. Googling it brings back nothing except a picture of the ad you see here. The only information I could find was the fact that the toy was trademarked in 1975 and that the trademark was cancelled in 1981. Intriguing.

I like to imagine that the reason I can't find anything about this is because the device was taken off the store shelves. The reason? Well, the stories it told would start out perfectly well: "Once upon a time there was a cute little bunny..." etc. etc. 

But they would all inevitably end in murder and mayhem.

Also, maybe parents just weren't ready to be replaced by machines yet?

Say what you want about technology ruining us, but at least one thing has improved since the dawn of the internet... emoticons are now free! None of this $2 crap. 

That said, what expressions are these 5 smileys supposed to be illustrating?

Top left - Tired, maybe bored?

Top right - Slightly sleazy; checkin' out the lllladies!

Middle - Drunk. Also missing a pupil; not sure what that's about.

Botton Left - Scared of the smiley in the middle, obv.

Bottom Right - Trying to wink sexily. Failing.

If by "eat it up" you mean "use it as a doorstop," then yes, I guess you would be correct.

Ah, Graceful Swan. Order now, and we'll also send you Swan Song, who forecasts death.

Stay groovy, everyone!

Better Homes & WTFery: 1970s Edition (Part 1)

OMG you guys... I'm so excited....

Do you know why I'm excited? Hint: it's not because of the ponies. Or the fact that it's an old magazine (I have lots of old magazines.)

I'm excited because this magazine is from the 1970s!!

The beautiful, orangey, plastic, kitschy, plaid-in-all-the-wrong-places 1970s!!

Join me in my time machine and let's visit (or revisit) this wacky, tacky land...

Together.

OKAY, LET'S STOP.

I'm one of those people who doesn't mind Miracle Whip on the occasional sandwich, but this is making me ill. Has anyone tried this? Miracle Whip and pineapple and red things that might be cherries? If so, please let me know how that turned out.

Wheat Hearts. Now available in all-new flavors, including Wheat Brains and Wheat Kidneys. Enjoy.

Have a golden day, ya hippie.

They will never melt. Or get mushy. EVER. This kid still eats the ones his mother made 40 years ago. She died in 1992, but the Knox Blox live on.

OH HECK YES. Found something I can't make fun of. These were the toys I grew up with! WOE, I MISS MY YOUTH.

So beautiful.

All right, now let's talk about this. What kind of sense does this slogan make? (I believe they still use it today.) With a name like Smucker's, it has to be good. Is "smucker's" some kind of synonym for "delicious?" 

Muckers, smokers, smocks, mockers, suckers, and smacks. YUM?

Someday I'm going to invent some awesome food product and call it Xullafoo's. And its slogan will be: It is delicious because it is named Xullafoo's. 

And everyone will buy it. 

You'll see.

It gives me great comfort to know that JELL-O is just always going to be JELL-O. And with a name like JELL-O, it has to be good.

Thirty Helens agree.

I love this picture. This huge van in the middle of the desert (okay, it could be a beach) with all its doors wide open as if it suddenly became like that car from Harry Potter and just angrily ejected everyone.

Okay, so before I show you the next ad...

(P.S. Don't scroll down before reading this; you'll ruin it.)

Read this text (from the ad), and see if you can guess what product is being advertised.

Here it is:

"Like fir trees, old stockings, and chimney tops, sugar cookies have a special meaning at Christmas time. And what makes them special is not just in the cookies. Something that breathes new life into old traditions, and binds us all in a joyful holiday spirit. It makes Christmas a time for sharing."

Have you guessed what the ad is for?

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Gotta give props to the person who managed to link chimney tops to whiskey. Though I guess Santa would appreciate something besides milk and cookies every now and then. The man does work hard that one night a year.

Finally (for now) I leave you with this delightful ad, which makes me jealous and wish that I was this lady. 

She is just so lucky. I bet she also has one of those fuzzy toilet seat covers and a canopy bed with ruffles, and probably she also has a vanity table with a skirt and a heart-shaped mirror.

Though actually, I think if I could go back in time and purchase one of those shower curtains I'd go with black. 

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CLICK HERE for Part 2!

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For more retro fun, check out:

Goofy Retro Baby Ads - Part 1

Goofy Retro Baby Ads - Part 2

Random Things From My Childhood Part 9

Random Things From My Childhood

Part IX

(View Parts I - VIII)

1. Dixie Cups

I don't know what kids in other schools got for their random holiday and you've-been-good treats, but at my school, we usually got these. Search Google for "Dixie Cups," and you'll probably just see the boring paper cups people place near the bathroom sink or take on picnics. But I'm talking about the little cups of vanilla & orange ice cream with the wooden spoon thing.

You know...

2. Playskool Pipeworks

Some friends of ours had a set or two of Pipeworks, and I remember spending hours in their garage building things when I was about 12 or 13. I'd take the pipes and the connectors and build any manner of functional objects -- chairs, tables, wagons, cars, even jungle gyms that could support the weight of a 50-pound child. The annoying part was separating the pipes from the connectors (they were really sturdy, and hard to get apart), but despite this drawback, Pipeworks unleashed my inner-mini-engineer, and gave me hours of creative fun.

3. Now You're Cooking

Even as a kid, I enjoyed cooking -- but I rarely got to do it. My mom liked to have the kitchen to herself, and I was usually shooed to the basement playroom, where I had plastic dishes and food and would "pretend eat" the mutant strawberries and mushy lettuce.

Then along came Now You're Cooking, which were plastic dishes with a twist -- you could really cook with them (in the microwave) or serve meals in them. Not only that, but some of the dishes were multi-functional! There were tall spoons that were hollow and could function as straws. Trays could be flipped upside down and be used both ways. And the commercials were oh-so-catchy...

But then I actually got a few sets, and learned about their downside...

"Different than Mom's."

Oh, sure -- the dishes were certainly more colorful than my mother's Correlle. More plastic-y. But you still had to wash them after using them! UGH, CHORES. Who wants to play with something you have to clean after each use? LAME. Go into a box -- into my closet. My future grandchildren can deal with you.



4. Bouncy Balls

We used to have non-carpeted steps leading down to a tiled laundry room in the basement. I don't remember when the game was first invented, but it was pretty simple: one person would sit at the top of the steps with a bouncy ball, and fling it down the stairs as hard as possible. It would, with any luck, ricochet off the laundry room walls. With every launch, it would do something different, land in a different place. Once it came to rest, the person at the bottom of the stairs (assuming they hadn't received a rough blow to the head) would retrieve the ball and give it back to the person at the top of the stairs. After several launches, the two players would switch places. 

We found the game highly amusing -- and our parents didn't seem to mind, except for, perhaps, the noise we made. The same can not be said for the time we thought it would be fun to throw tennis balls from the front yard to the back yard. You know, across the roof of the house.


5. Fisher-Price Crib Activity Center

I am amused by how things have changed since I was a wee lass. Nowadays, babies have to be kept in a crib with minimally-spaced bars, no blankets, no stuffed animals, and no bumpers or else -- DOOM AND DESTRUCTION. Plus we now have baby monitors (with sound if you're a good parent, video if you're a better one). Now they even make little monitors that attach to the baby's diaper that send off a signal if the baby goes for X amount of time without moving.

But in the 80s, we were still in the era of "put a bunch of shiny stuff in the crib and see how long you can leave the baby to its own devices." And that era was awesome.

You'll find several versions of this "activity center" out there, but the one pictured is the one I grew up on. Our church had about four of them, and I could sit there playing with it for ages. To an adult, it may not look like much, but to a toddler, there are like 200 things to do on that toy. 


6. Sleepover Friends

About a year before I got into the Baby-Sitters Club, I saw two Sleepover Friends books in the Scholastic catalog and my parents bought me them. I read them, loved them, and wanted more. I soon discovered they had more of them at our library, and I spent fourth grade simultaneously loving the crap out of the SF's, while ignoring the BSC-gushing the other girls were doing.

Lauren, Patti, Stephanie & Kate > Kristy, Stacey, Claudia & Mary Anne... or so I thought at the time.

The Sleepover Friends were in fifth grade, and every Friday night they would gather for a slumber party at one of their homes. They would gorge themselves on snacks -- chips and dip, Dr. Pepper, whatever -- and watch movies, talk about boys, call in requests to the local radio station, and do random girly things. When they weren't partying, the girls were pwning everyone else at school (especially that horrible brat Jenny and her "sidekick" Angela), hanging out at the mall (usually at the pizza joint) or riding their bikes around town (helmetless and parentless.) 

In my adult years, I have picked up most of the books in the series at thrift stores, since it seems nobody else besides me is ever looking for them. The earlier SF books, especially, are still enjoyable, innocent, and make me want to go order a pizza, guzzle some Dr. pepper, and prank-call a boy.

6. Sweet Roses Barbie Furniture

Behold the shoulder pads!

Let it be known that I, a 9-year-old Barbie enthusiast, was not content to just play with the dolls. Those dolls needed furniture. And around the time I got into Barbies, the Sweet Roses furniture was among the must-haves.

My cousin had the Sweet Roses bed, and I was so envious of its silky pillows and reversible bedspread and ruffles.

MY Barbie "beds" consisted of a hardcover book underneath a doll's blanket, and a beanbag for a pillow.

One year, I did receive the Sweet Roses kitchen, and when my cousin (the one who had The Bed) and I got all our Barbie stuff together, we were able to set up a small Barbie condo. (A camping cooler stood in for the fridge, and the dolls did their bathroom business, you know, in the woods or something.)

7. Temporary Backyard Swimming Pools

You know the ones. The ones your parents bought, set up, maintained, and then sold within a year because they were just too much work.

We'll always cherish the memories of that freezing water!

8. Giant Metal Slides

These are becoming more & more rare, but they're not extinct yet. Here's to burning the undersides of your legs on a warm day! (Second only to the big plastic slides, from which you'd receive a static shock.)

9. Somewhere Out There

It was part of one of the most angst-filled children's films of my youth, yet it was an extremely popular song with kids. Somewhere Out There was the Let It Go of 1986.

10. Capri Sun

I could talk about the fact that the straws were nearly impossible to get in without bending them (or destroying your patience) but instead I really think I need to talk about Walmart.

Stick with me.

In the early 90s, before we even had a Walmart in my region, they played commercials for it on TV, and there was this one that featured an elderly Walmart greeter. He was so freaking cheerful. At one point in the commercial, he would start to clap and sing "Down the Walmart way!" Nooo idea what that meant. Still don't. But it was hilarious.

So this one time, my cousin and I were drinking Capri Sun and doing that thing everybody did where you suck in all the juice and make the pouch flat. Then you, um, put the juice back in the bag, along with air, and make the pouch fat again. Oh yes, the grossness. But anyway. So as the story goes, I had just sucked out a bunch of juice and the bag had flattened, and all of a sudden, my cousin started to sing: ''Down the Walmart way!"

I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. I think I was in the middle of doing a spit-take when I realized I should not spit juice everywhere, so I tried to keep my mouth closed, but then I choked, and... yeah.

Capri Sun.

Favorite TV Shows: May, 2014 Edition

Favorite TV Shows: May, 2014 Edition

 (Previously: January, 2011, May, 2012, May, 2013)

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My Top 5 Shows That Are Currently Airing (Or Have Aired Within The Past 6 Months), Regardless Of Whether Or Not I'm Caught Up With All The Episodes...

1. Community (-TIE-) Call The Midwife

2. Jeopardy

3. Rick Steves' Europe

4. Antiques Roadshow

5. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

What The Above List Looked Like Last Year (May 2013):

1. Community

2. Call The Midwife

3. Jeopardy

4. Auction Kings

5. Antiques Roadshow

Guilty Pleasures I Like To Watch On Cable When I'm Housesitting:

1. Love It Or List It

2. Auction Hunters

3. American Pickers

4. House Hunters International

5. Little House On The Prairie

Shows I've Been Watching Via Netflix Lately:

1. Merlin

2. MST3K

3. Little House On The Prairie

4. Veep

Shows I Need To Catch Up On/Finish Watching:

1. Merlin

2. Raising Hope

3. Burn Notice

4. Robin Hood (seriously, I've never seen the last handful of episodes and it's been roughly 5 6 years since they aired)

5. Road To Avonlea (kind of hit a snag in season 6)

Shows I'd Like To Check Out:

1. The Tudors

2. Reign

3. Firefly