Saturday, June 7, 2014

Better Homes & WTFery: 1970s Edition (Part 1)

OMG you guys... I'm so excited....

Do you know why I'm excited? Hint: it's not because of the ponies. Or the fact that it's an old magazine (I have lots of old magazines.)

I'm excited because this magazine is from the 1970s!!

The beautiful, orangey, plastic, kitschy, plaid-in-all-the-wrong-places 1970s!!

Join me in my time machine and let's visit (or revisit) this wacky, tacky land...



I'm one of those people who doesn't mind Miracle Whip on the occasional sandwich, but this is making me ill. Has anyone tried this? Miracle Whip and pineapple and red things that might be cherries? If so, please let me know how that turned out.

Wheat Hearts. Now available in all-new flavors, including Wheat Brains and Wheat Kidneys. Enjoy.

Have a golden day, ya hippie.

They will never melt. Or get mushy. EVER. This kid still eats the ones his mother made 40 years ago. She died in 1992, but the Knox Blox live on.

OH HECK YES. Found something I can't make fun of. These were the toys I grew up with! WOE, I MISS MY YOUTH.

So beautiful.

All right, now let's talk about this. What kind of sense does this slogan make? (I believe they still use it today.) With a name like Smucker's, it has to be good. Is "smucker's" some kind of synonym for "delicious?" 

Muckers, smokers, smocks, mockers, suckers, and smacks. YUM?

Someday I'm going to invent some awesome food product and call it Xullafoo's. And its slogan will be: It is delicious because it is named Xullafoo's. 

And everyone will buy it. 

You'll see.

It gives me great comfort to know that JELL-O is just always going to be JELL-O. And with a name like JELL-O, it has to be good.

Thirty Helens agree.

I love this picture. This huge van in the middle of the desert (okay, it could be a beach) with all its doors wide open as if it suddenly became like that car from Harry Potter and just angrily ejected everyone.

Okay, so before I show you the next ad...

(P.S. Don't scroll down before reading this; you'll ruin it.)

Read this text (from the ad), and see if you can guess what product is being advertised.

Here it is:

"Like fir trees, old stockings, and chimney tops, sugar cookies have a special meaning at Christmas time. And what makes them special is not just in the cookies. Something that breathes new life into old traditions, and binds us all in a joyful holiday spirit. It makes Christmas a time for sharing."

Have you guessed what the ad is for?






Gotta give props to the person who managed to link chimney tops to whiskey. Though I guess Santa would appreciate something besides milk and cookies every now and then. The man does work hard that one night a year.

Finally (for now) I leave you with this delightful ad, which makes me jealous and wish that I was this lady. 

She is just so lucky. I bet she also has one of those fuzzy toilet seat covers and a canopy bed with ruffles, and probably she also has a vanity table with a skirt and a heart-shaped mirror.

Though actually, I think if I could go back in time and purchase one of those shower curtains I'd go with black. 

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