Saturday, June 14, 2014

Better Homes & WTFery: 1970s Edition (Part 2)

And we're back! With more goofy ads from the 1970s (specifically 1974). Are you ready? I am so ready.

Well, I think we've found the softer side of Sears.

17 luscious colors, from delicate turquoise to deep avocado gold.

Avocado Gold. The nicer way of saying "mashed peas."

Avocado Gold actually goes really well with pink, you know....

Speaking of luscious colors...

I had to have my mother explain this one to me. This is an actual thing that some older ladies do, so they look natural as they age. I guess it's like those men who shave their heads as soon as they start going bald. Oh well, all that really matters is that Mr. Barker approves!

I wonder if most people who subscribed to the Henry Honey Bear delivery system were actually having the letters sent to their enemies? Because that's just a bit creepy.

HECK YEAH PLAID PANTS! I have to say, fashions in the 70s were crazy.

And sometimes just a little too informative....

Kelly, Property of the Gallaghers
Tim, Property of the Gallaghers

And to think, if they had just one more kid, they could start building houses & hotels on them!

"Suzanne falls in the dirt practicing for running races." 

As opposed to swimming races? Walking races?

How many times has she fallen in the dirt? Have they had her checked for inner ear problems?

But more importantly, YELLOW PANTS.

If I had to wear yellow pants I'd fall down in the dirt, too, so at least they'd become a more natural-looking color (that being brown.)

Sure. Any teacher who's been at it a few years will be sure to let you know how much he/she appreciates receiving their 400TH MUG.

(Just kidding, kids. We love ya.)

Apparently the e-book revolution started early.

The weird thing? I've never head of this toy, and it should have still been around during my childhood. Googling it brings back nothing except a picture of the ad you see here. The only information I could find was the fact that the toy was trademarked in 1975 and that the trademark was cancelled in 1981. Intriguing.

I like to imagine that the reason I can't find anything about this is because the device was taken off the store shelves. The reason? Well, the stories it told would start out perfectly well: "Once upon a time there was a cute little bunny..." etc. etc. 

But they would all inevitably end in murder and mayhem.

Also, maybe parents just weren't ready to be replaced by machines yet?

Say what you want about technology ruining us, but at least one thing has improved since the dawn of the internet... emoticons are now free! None of this $2 crap. 

That said, what expressions are these 5 smileys supposed to be illustrating?

Top left - Tired, maybe bored?
Top right - Slightly sleazy; checkin' out the lllladies!
Middle - Drunk. Also missing a pupil; not sure what that's about.
Botton Left - Scared of the smiley in the middle, obv.
Bottom Right - Trying to wink sexily. Failing.

If by "eat it up" you mean "use it as a doorstop," then yes, I guess you would be correct.

Ah, Graceful Swan. Order now, and we'll also send you Swan Song, who forecasts death.

Stay groovy, everyone!

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