Thoughts on Man Of Steel

Thoughts on Man Of Steel.

Welcome to Krypton, where there are... dinosaurs? And the TV images look like they're made out of molten lead. And there are babies floating under water in bubbles.

Meanwhile, a woman is having a baby and he's got a funny-shaped head and this is Kal-El.

Russell Crowe is this baby's father. He should be happy, but he is not because there is a new villain in town who kind of looks like Joaquin Phoenix and is one horn helmet shy of being utterly lame. This villain's name is General Zod.

Zod is dealt with (Phantom Zone! Buhbye!) but Krypton is doomed because its core is going to explode in a couple weeks, so Russell Crowe and his wife send their baby to Earth and he grows up to be a hot sailor named Clark Kent. 

One day, Clark jumps aboard a burning vessel, shirtless (but not... pantsless) to save some other dudes, and he's all on fire but the fire can't burn his chest hair or beard because it is just that badass. 

Seriously, why lose the shirt but not the pants? Are the pants flame-retardant? Oh well, so he saves the in-peril sailors and then he comes ashore and steals some guy's laundry so he won't be walking around all shirtless and buff (because that would be... bad?) Then he goes to work at a bar where customers are mean, but instead of punching the crap out of one of the meanies (as he did in Superman II) he simply ties the guy's truck around a pole. Funny. Mean.

Flashbacks galore! When Clark is a young boy he suffers from sensory overload issues that land him in a closet, ala that kid from The Sixth Sense. The other kids think he's a freak. Little Clark can't see dead people, but he CAN see your still-beating heart, Teacherlady, and that's pretty gross, so he'll go hide from you now. Martha Kent arrives to calm her son down. "Focus on my voice," she says. He does. All is well.

Later, Teen Clark saves a bus full of kids after the vehicle plunges into a lake. (Where were you in The Sweet Hereafter, Clark, I ASK YOU?) The other kids see that he has amazing gifts. They tell Clark's parents. Dad, Jonathan Kent, played by Kevin Costner, lectures Clark and tells him that it may be better to just let people die rather than reveal his secret because the world just isn't ready for big fat alien secrets. This turns out to be IRONY FORESHADOWING.

So then Clark is an adult again (beard!) and he's found out about some unusual thing up in Polar Bear Land, so he heads up to the area where the government yokels are investigating. Lois Lane is there, too, and when she spots Clark sneaking up into the top-secret... stuff... in the dead of night, she follows him. Turns out Clark has found a Kryptonian... ship thing... anyway, long story short, Lois almost gets dead but Clark saves her and then takes the Kryptonian ship and flies off with it. Oh, and Russell Crowe talks to him from beyond the grave and is all Kal... I am your father... here's a headless suit for you to weaaarrrr.... That's nice that Martha doesn't have to sew it.

Afterwards, Lois is intrigued because this dude with glowing red eyes has saved her life, so she decides to write an article about her "guardian angel," only Perry White, aka Laurence Fishburne, aka Cowboy Curtis from PeeWee's Playhouse, won't run the story because Aliens. Lois does some further investigating -- talking to a bunch of people who've witnessed miracles from a mysterious dude, and, without a whole lot of effort, finds her way to Clark.

Clark decides to flashback to how his father died. Apparently it happened when he was about 18. The Kent family's all driving along and Clark plays the "you're not my REAL father" card. Anyone who's familiar with Superhero movies knows that you might as well just kiss Dad goodbye at this point. So in comes the obligatory Killer Kansas Tornado and Jonathan tells Clark to take a small girl to safety, then he runs back to rescue their dog. 

But then he gets hurt. And Clark just stands there. Jonathan manages to stand up, but his leg is injured and here comes the tornado. Clark just stands there. Jonathan holds up one hand as if to say "I'm fine, don't save me, this is for the best." So Clark just stands there some more and watches as his father gets sucked up by a tornado because that's what his father wants. THIS IS DISTURBING. Why doesn't Clark have super breath in this movie? Just blow the tornado away. OMG why are you just standing there? Now you've killed him. Great. Happy Father's Day, everybody!

Back to the present. So because Clark accessed that Kryptonian ship earlier, General Zod is alerted to his presence and comes to Earth to find him. Zod hijacks all the TVs, Twilight Zone-style, and threatens everybody with certain doom if they do not turn in The Alien. Clark doesn't trust Zod, but he also doesn't want the Earth to be in peril, so he goes to Zod, and Zod demands Lois Lane as well. They go aboard this ship. 

Lois has to wear a special breathing helmet but Clark does not; however, Clark goes all ill because he's not used to this new environment. The baddies scan their brains and learn where Clark lives, among other things. Oh, and earlier Clark handed Lois a S-shield-shaped key thingie and she puts it in a slot which summons the ghost of Russell Crowe, who helps her escape. And then Clark escapes. And then he saves Lois who is falling toward Earth and things are all cute for five seconds, until Clark realizes oh no, Zod knows where Mommy lives, so he goes there and, yep, sure enough, the bad guys are there, so he attacks (you don't mess with mamas) and then fighting commences.

So for the next hour, we have Clark fighting the bad guys, one after the other, but mostly Zod and this other lady. Somehow they move the fighting to Metropolis. Oh, because I guess Zod is trying to reformat the Earth or something. Cars and things get sucked up and spit back out. Buildings crumble. People scream and run for cover. Well, most of them do. Some just stand there like "hey, that's kinda cool." WHAM! BIFF! POW! More explosions. Hey, wasn't this the plot of The Avengers? I'm tired of seeing these movies where cities are destroyed and thousands of people die. Like, how is this entertainment? Thinking of Dark Knight and the Iron Mans too. If these movies were all in the same universe (and I realize they are not) we wouldn't HAVE any more humans, they'd all be smushed and/or incinerated, but whatever.

Also, didn't Superman II have a helluva long scene where Superman fights Zod and they destroy a bunch of stuff? And wasn't it tedious and dumb then? Yes.

Okay, so while all this is happening, Lois is somehow managing to stay within eyesight of Clark. Oh, first she figures out a way to stop Zod using the ship Clark came to Earth in. That's good. So the government dudes work on that plan. Meanwhile we keep switching to the saga of "what's happening to the Daily Planet employees in all this?" 

Oh no, Jenny is trapped beneath some rubble! Wait, who the hell is Jenny? I think they changed Jimmy Olsen's gender. Why. Oh good, she's okay. Perry's okay, too. Whew, I guess. For a minute or two, things get calm and Lois and Clark kiss and it's cool and all but then he's like "NEED MOAR ACTION" so he leaves to go hulk smash Zod some more.

Superman finally gets the better of Zod by doing the one thing Superman is never ever supposed to do. (Sadface.) Now Zod is dead. And now everyone is safe... except half the city is in utter ruins. Huzzah?

Epilogue. Clark decides to become a reporter, so he gets a job at the Daily Planet (which is still, remarkably, intact), and, of course, Lois is already working there, and she totally knows who Clark is so this is a big change from the norm. Lois knows the secret! She is not dumb! Yayyy!

Yay....

So, I don't know what to make of this. Sorry I'm leaving out a bunch of things, but here's the gist: If you like movies where STUFF BLOWS UP, you will be all over this. If you're in it hoping for a lot of relationship stuff, you're going to get some, but not enough. 

High Points:

*Kevin Costner is awesome. Fact.

*Henry Cavill is hot. He looks great in the suit.

*Young, wayward, bearded-Clark stuff is fun to watch, even if it's short-lived.

*Lois gets to be smart.

Meh Points:

*Music isn't memorable. No John Williams fanfare-type stuff.

*Special effects are top-notch but some of the ships look goofy.

Low Points:

*Seemingly endless action and destruction.

*Awkward dad-death scene.

*Not enough relationship stuff.

But... sequel potential!

You know, in 3-4 years. :(

Things I Think About At 10:30 In the Morning

I fear that in these modern times -- with security cameras on street corners, recording our every move and providing evidence for the courts when necessary, and with monitoring devices in elevators, in trains, and behind every convenience store counter -- Clark Kent would have a very difficult time finding a place to change into Superman without being "seen."

I suppose he could use his heat vision or freeze breath to disable (temporarily or permanently) nearby recording devices that he knew about; and sure, thanks to his x-ray vision and super speed he could probably find all the nigh devices in a matter of moments, if he had the desire to do so. But if he was headed toward a rescue, where death was on the line, would taking the time to do that really be worthwhile? Not to mention he would be tampering with and/or destroying others' property. Should Superman destroy others' property for the common good? 

"No," you might say. "Superman shouldn't destroy video cameras. He should just go about his job. So what if someone catches Clark Kent changing into Superman?"

I'll tell you what would happen. All of Clark Kent's loved ones will be in danger. Everyone at the Daily Planet will become a target. His elderly parents will be kidnapped, and Lois? Well, the woman puts herself in enough danger as it is, she doesn't need any more of it.

You see? You see the problem? This is a big problem.

Darn you, modern technology!

Films... OF THE FYUTCHAH!

Good evening, friends and countrymen. It kind of seems like every other post on here is about Movies I'm Looking Forward To (But Possibly Dreading Also).  Last year we had Ramona, Robin Hood, and... um... stuff.  Oh yeah, and Tangled.  And they all turned out all right.

As of today, I am looking forward to:

Batman 3: (aka The Dark Knight Rises)

Dear Christopher Nolan,
I know you have this thing about using actors you've used before.  I mean, Inception was a carnivale of Batman Begins actors, yes, har har, I get it.  And I see Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Thomas Hardy have already been cast in Batman 3.  But please, for the love of all things good, do not cast E. Page.  Not as Poison Ivy, not as Batgirl, not as anything.  I had a hard enough time sitting through Katie Holmes in the first one.  The trend of casting whiny, sarcastic thespians must end!  THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
Thank you,
Me


Superman Reboots: (aka Superman: The Man Of Steel)
Kevin Costner as Jonathan Kent!?!
(*ahem*)
Kehhh-vin Costner
Kehhh-vin Costner
Kevincostner
Kevincostner
Ke-vi-ihn Cost-NER!
I'm going to be so ticked if they change that.  So ticked.


Indiana Jones 5
Well, I'm torn on this one.  On one hand, I'd love for there to be this totally kickass 5th movie that would make everyone forget the 4th one even existed.  And I love Indy merchandise, so bring it on.  BUT... maybe they should just stop, because... yeah, really, they should just stop.


Tiger Eyes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1748260/
Dude, I knew they were going to make this some time, but I had no idea it was already DONE!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!  I'm so excited. I wish I knew when it was coming out.  AUGH! *dies*


Harry Potter 7b (aka Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II)
Must find out how it ends, of course.
Will, or will not, Daniel Radcliffe don a mustache and play his "older self"? I MUST KNOW.
But then it will all be over and I will be sad.



And... I think that may be all.  For now.

10 Movie Characters I've Got A Crush On

Come on, admit it, at some point you, too, have crushed on a movie character.  Am I right?  Sitting there in the theater, eating your overpriced popcorn, you've nearly fallen out of your seat because suddenly there appears the most gorgeous, adorable, perfect character you've ever seen.  Right there in front of you.  Thirty feet tall.  Tall and beautiful.

And alas, they're not real.

And that hurts.

Thank goodness for DVD players and the ability to watch those movies over and over again.  And in the darkness of your own living room, you can close your eyes... and pretend....

Here are my top ten movie crushes, in no particular order...

1. Louis Connelly, August Rush

If you can, in fact, remove your jaw from the floor after witnessing any scene which involves Jonathan Rhys Meyers, you perhaps can then take the time to appreciate how absolutely adorable his character is.  Louis is a musician who meets The One.  When he loses her through circumstances beyond his control, he crashes.  But when he decides he's going to go out and find her, hope -- and music -- comes back into his life, and he takes up his guitar again.  And damn, he is good.  Pros: A nice guy, a great musician, very passionate.  Cons: Has some inner demons he needs to purge.

2. Clark Kent, Superman Returns

Some people think Lois Lane is kind of a moron.  Supposedly this is because she can not tell that Clark Kent is Superman, even though she has spent ample time with both of them.  But really, I think the main reason she is moronic because she is WITH ANOTHER GUY.  I mean sure, James Marsden's cute and all, but how can she ignore Brandon Routh's smoldering eyes?  How can she not see how completely beautiful a person he is?  Why is she still with James Marsden even, I don't know, ten seconds after Clark Kent's come back to Metropolis?  Really, Lois -- we need to have a talk.  Pros: Kind to children and animals.  Cons: Is kind of awkward and dweeby... OR IS HE? 

3. Gilbert Blythe, Anne Of Green Gables and Anne Of Green Gables: The Sequel

 

There is something to be said for a guy who truly loves just one girl, even when she gives him no hope whatsoever.  A guy who offers this girl rides to and from work.  Who offers a switcharoo so that she can have his job, because it's closer to her home.  And who stands by while she gets her act together, waiting as patiently as he can.  In some places, he'd be called a stalker.  But viewers know Gilbert Blythe's heart is true, and FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, ANNE, GET A CLUE!  (Whoa, did that just rhyme?  Go me!)  Pros: Sweet, patient, smart.  Cons: He does like to tease...

4. Mike Nelson, Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

Oh, Mike, Mike, Mike.  Mike's stuck on a spaceship called the Satellite of Love.  He lives with four robots.  They're forced to watch terrible, gut-wrenchingly awful movies, and yet -- he and his pals find humor in all of them.  Their riffs -- everything from obscure pop culture references to simply making fun of the stupidity on screen directly --  consistently leave me in stitches.  Pros: Mike is extremely witty and is patient with his robot friends, even though they give him a hard time.  Cons: He's sort of stuck... up in space.  Not much hope for a "life", really...

5. Benny Rodriguez,  

The Sandlot

I know, I know, the kid's like 13 years old and I should not be crushing on him at my age.  But considering I was about that age when I first saw the film, and considering the actor is, in fact, older than I am in real life, I see no wrongdoing.  So leave me alone, dangit!  Meanwhile, Benny is the most adorable member of the Sandlot squad.  He's the best at baseball, the fastest runner, and he's super sweet.  While the other Sandlot kids are cracking rude jokes about the new kid, Benny reaches out and invites him to play ball.  Pros: Total sweetheart, the only one brave enough to truly face "The Beast."  Cons: Has some personal fears he must overcome.  But hey, who doesn't?


6. Johnny Martin, Penelope

In this film, a twist on the "Beauty and the Beast" story, Johnny falls in love with Penelope, despite her fantastical disfigurement.  He sees her for her true beauty.  Now he's just got to get her to see that!  Pros: He's super sweet, and plays musical instruments like a pro.  Cons: He has some personal problems early on in the film, but he eventually cleans himself up.  Yay for reformation!

7. Indiana Jones, the first three Indiana Jones films

Brilliant, brave, and badass -- let's face it, Indiana Jones is the epitome of cool.  Pros: Good-looking, resourceful, can handle just about anything.  Cons: Except snakes.

8. Oliver Wood, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

It'd be one thing if Oliver Wood was just a good-looking Quidditch player... but no.  They had to go and cast a gorgeous Scottish actor (Sean Biggerstaff) in the role of the Gryffindor Quidditch captain.  Whenever Oliver goes about explaining the wizarding game to little Harry Potter, I tend to lose all sense of time and space.  Pros: The accent, omg the accent.  Cons: In the books, Oliver's kind of crazy.  But wait, who said anything about the books?  This list is about movie characters!  Forget that then -- Oliver is awesome.

9. Robin Hood, Disney's Robin Hood

I am not ashamed to admit I think an animated fox is kinda sexy.  Robin Hood is clever and brave and has an English accent, oh my.  Pros: He's a one-woman man, dutifully devoted to his childhood love, Maid Marion.  He would even die for her, which is totally romantic.  Cons: He's a little cocky, but at least he can back it up.  Have you seen him with a bow & arrow?

10. Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice (1995)

So he's prideful.  And prejudiced.  But only at first!  Elizabeth Bennet manages to warm & soften his heart like a yummy Tollhouse cookie.  Pros: Mr. Darcy is nice to his little sister, mean to anyone who'd try to hurt the women in his life, and looks great after a midday swim.  Cons: Always with the staring, the longing staring.  We're not Edward Cullen, here, Darcy!  And it's not polite to stare!  Oh, but it's okay... you're adorable, I forgive you!

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Well, looks like I couldn't stop at just 10! Here are four more movie characters I've got a crush on.

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I hope you enjoyed this list, and maybe even agreed with me on a few of them.  If not, tell me about your movie crushes.  And if you're currently in a relationship now and couldn't possibly admit to having any current crushes -- tell me who you liked when you were a kid.  Was it Han Solo?  Marty McFly?  Charles Foster Kane?  (Hey, I don't know how old you are!)  Leave some comments and let me know!