Emmys O'12

Oh, Emmys, whatever shall I do with you? You rarely nominate the shows I love. You regularly give statues to the actors I loathe. So why do I tune in? WHY, PRAY TELL ME?

Well... because there's precious little else on.

How strange that the ceremony honoring television and how apparently awesome it is happened to follow a week in which the shows I enjoy watching were all strangely absent from the schedule. Antiques Roadshow? Not on; I think PBS was doing another pledge week. Auction Kings? Not on. I don't know why. Community? Not even a rerun to be had. Downton Abbey? Oh, it was on... IN GREAT BRITAIN. Fudge, I can't even have my share of lords, ladies, butlers, and scandalous scullery maids? In conclusion, why couldn't they schedule that National TV Turnoff Week for, well... now?

But where was I? Right. The Emmys. The show that rarely gets things right. I know, I complain every year, but someone has to speak up! 

So even though I have little respect for the Emmy award, the Emmy show is still pretty... well, not entertaining, but more like... mildly un-boring.

Let's talk about this year's show and awards.

Highlights

*Danny Strong winning & accepting his writing award. OMG Danny Strong! Buffy! Gilmore Girls! Those L&C promos from the summer of '96! We love you Danny! I'm sorry I haven't thought about you in eight years!

*Ricky Gervais. I'm not sure I can ever stop loving that guy. (Side note: EVERY time he presents at an award show, and I sit there giggling, my mom goes, "Who is that guy? I've never seen him before." This is like the 4th time that's happened.)

*I had no idea who Aaron Paul was, but how cute is he?

*Claire Danes presenting an award, and then winning. (Side note II: The first time she came on stage, and they made it very clear she was pregnant, I said to my mom: "Know who that is?" "Who?" "Beth from Little Women." "Wow, she's all grown up!" Twenty minutes later Claire is back, and my mom doesn't remember her from before, and asks me why on earth that lady would be wearing a gown that was so baggy on her. Which is funny, because, well, see below....)

*Them playing part of the Downton Abbey spoof from Jimmy Fallon, which I think is hilarious even after multiple viewings.

*Michael J. Fox getting a standing ovation for... I guess... being there? Being awesome? He is rather awesome.

Semilights

*How a bunch of ladies were wearing dresses in approximately this shade of yellow:

Hey, it was fun counting them! And worrying that they might appear on stage together and blend into one big yellow mass -- or worse, look like a bunch of bananas. (P.S. One of these ladies was Claire Danes.)

*Martha Plimpton winning for best guest actress in a drama series for her work in The Good Wife. Okay, I've seen her on that show. I've also seen her on Raising Hope, in which she is incredible and should get a dozen Emmys. Yet she wins for the show in which she's just... okay. Sigh. I guess an Emmy is an Emmy, but I still think somebody's cracked.

*The Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves overture playing during the montage for drama series, and then, an hour later, Kevin Costner winning HIS award, and them NOT playing the song then. Badly done, Emmys, badly done. (Just kidding. That would have been silly. Almost as silly as playing the Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves overture during a montage of shows like Breaking Bad and Mad Men. Talk about breaking things! My poor brain.)

Lowlights

*Tom Bergeron winning the Emmy for reality TV host. Now, I cry foul. First off, for the last several years, the win has gone to the darling Jeff Probst. This year, Jeff wasn't even nominated. And then Tom swoops in for the win. This would be fine except Tom Bergeron is incredibly annoying. 

*Jon Cryer winning for comedy. His show is gross and lame, his character is not only disgusting but unfunny, and he wins a comedy award? Annnnd this is why the Emmys can bite me.

And lastly, the most grievous of Emmy mistakes...

*Lack of Colin Firth.

That I can not forgive.

Statuettes

So the Emmy Awards are tonight.  Every year it's the same with me -- a sense of apathy about the whole thing.  How come?  Well, because the shows I watch are rarely nominated.  Because most of the nominated shows are on channels I don't get.  And other whiny reasons.  Take a look at the shows that are nominated this year, in one category or another...

24
30 Rock
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Antiques Roadshow
The Big Bang Theory
Big Love
Breaking Bad
Burn Notice
The Cleaner
The Closer
The Colbert Report
Curb Your Enthusiasm
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Damages
Dancing With The Stars
Desperate Housewives
Dexter
Dirty Jobs
Friday Night Lights
Glee
The Good Wife
House
How I Met Your Mother
Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution
Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List
Law & Order: SVU
Lost
Mad Men
Men Of A Certain Age
Modern Family
Monk
Mythbusters
The New Adventures Of Old Christine
Nurse Jackie
The Office
Parks and Recreation
Project Runway
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
Survivor
Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien
Top Chef
True Blood
Two And A Half Men
Undercover Boss

That's a lot of shows.  What do I watch?  The Amazing Race, Survivor, Antiques Roadshow, and The Office.  Forty-something shows, and I watch a mere four.  Okay, sometimes I watch House with my mom.  So five, I guess.  And I think I've missed episodes of every one of them, so it's not like I'm a die-hard or anything.

Meanwhile, the Emmys are constantly snubbing the shows I enjoy most.  Buffy The Vampire Slayer, one of the cleverest shows ever, never got a main Emmy nod.  The Pretender?  Nope.  Lois & Clark?  Not even.  Wonderfalls?  Completely overlooked.  Since a lot of the shows I enjoy tend to be off the Emmy radar, I often feel like it's pointless to care about the awards.  Obviously, the academy of Emmariffic arts and sciences is comprised of a bunch of dodoheads, so why should I give them my time?

Typically, if I do end up watching the Emmys, I often find myself rooting for specific actors or actresses -- and not because I liked their performance in the show they're nominated for -- but because, eh, I liked them in some movie back in the 80's.  Nostalgia conquers all!

This year, I'll be rooting for Andre Braugher on Men Of A Certain Age, because Scott Bakula is also on that show, and Quantum Leap brings back fond memories.  Aw, Sam and Al and Ziggy... those were the days.

I'll also cheer on Kyle Chandler -- not because I've ever seen Friday Night Lights, but because I used to like his show Early Edition back in the day.

As for the ladies, I think I'll root for January Jones, because I like people who are named after months.  Plus she was in a TV movie I liked once.  If TV movies aren't prime factors in these kinds of situations, I don't know what are!

And you know... sometimes the Emmy telecast does turn out to be worth it.  Like when Kristin Chenoweth won for Pushing Daisies?  Totally awesome.  I was glad to be watching it that time.

Besides, Ricky Gervais has been known to show up at the Emmys and sometimes even present awards.  Ricky is totally worth tuning in for.

Oh, I've also seen one of the two nominees for outstanding TV miniseries... Return to Cranford.  It's up against The Pacific, which is getting all the good buzz.  Cranford, in case you were wondering, was one of those Masterpiece-Theatre-Judi-Dench exhibitions.  I seem to remember either someone getting hit by train or being trampled by a cow.   Or maybe it was both.*

In the end, I don't really care who wins anything, except in the Reality Show Host competition.  I swear on a stack of Little Golden Books, if Tom Bergeron wins  that one, I'm boycotting the Emmys next year.

And by next year, I mean FOR-EV-ERRR.

*Edit: Oh hey, I just remembered.  The cow got hit BY the train.  Wow, how did I forget a thing like that?