Tuesday, August 23, 2011

These Shoes Were Made For... Running, Apparently

A Walk In My Shoes, the TV-movie I worked on last year, is having its ultra-spiffy encore presentation this Saturday (August 27th) on NBC. 

Trailer on Youtube (beware cheesiness)
Busted Benson Bubblers (my account of my day on the set)
And a screen cap:

It's the running of the bulls pedestrians!  I'm the girl on the right, behind the guy with the orangish shirt.  I was going for "worried and scared"  in this scene, but I'm one of the only ones who doesn't have my mouth in an O shape for most of it, so I dunno.

I watched the movie's premiere on TV last December. I had a friend over, and we riffed our way through it. It was okay....  It's just that there was this one lady....

The brown-haired lady.  Yeah, her.  She was some kind of angel, I guess.  And she'd pop up wherever and whenever, accompanied by music.  It reminded me a little too much of Touched By An Angel.   Have I ever told you about my sinister dislike for TBAA?  Well, maybe another time.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

If Only

Twitter wants to know what I Wish They Would Bring Back.

Oh, believe me, I've thought about this.

I've got a list.

And here goes.

I Wish They Would Bring Back...

1. Farrell's. The Portland Ice Creamery or whatever. The restaurant with the sundae that had like 13 scoops.  The restaurant with the freaking candy store in the middle.  The restaurant they sold and demolished in 2001 to make apartment buildings. JERKS!

2. All the dangerous, awesome playground equipment I enjoyed as a youth.  The big tires at Harold Oliver. The giant fireman pole at Lents Park.  The hamburger climbing thing at McDonalds...

Er, then again... I don't remember that looking quite so creepy...

3. Ball pits at Chuck E. Cheese.  Oh, I know they were infested with all manner of refuse.  But since when did kids care about that?  And I know I'm too old to go in them now.  But speaking of ball pits...

4. DISCOVERY ZONE!!!  That place was the best!

5. Saturday Morning Cartoons.  You knew this one HAD to be coming!  Yes, maybe I'm too old (lazy) to wake up early on Saturdays to watch TV anymore.  But I totally would if they would bring back all the radical shows from my childhood.  And speaking of THOSE...

6. The Disney Afternoon. With Ducktales, of course.


7. Mystery Science Theater 3000 -Yeah, I know, it's been ten years, everyone's moved on.  Mike, Kevin, and Bill are making us laugh with Rifftrax, and Joel and the other guys are doing their thing as well.  And I love Rifftrax, I really do.  But I also miss those adorable little robots.  I named one of my pets Servo, for heaven's sake!

8. Orbitz.

I don't know why. I never even really liked it.  It was just soda juice with little gummy balls floating around inside.  But hey, bring it back anyway, it was fun stuff, AND THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT.

9. The Old-School Disney Channel.  Yep, here I go again with the Disney woes.  But see, back in the 80's and early 90's, they used to air 50s & 60's Disney movies, documentaries, and awesome shows like The Torkelsons.  And now, it's a breeding ground for skanks, low-lifes, and zipheads.*  Mickey's somewhere rollin' in his grave right now, srsly.

10. Meals on airplanes.  WHAT I LIKED THEM.

11. Caramel / Strawberry Pepsi.  Actually, I just really hate it how Pepsi can't just pick a flavor and STICK WITH IT. Grrr making me get all excited about a flavor, then ripping it away, grrr.

And in conclusion:

12. My Childhood

That is all.

(*Slightly modified BTTF2 quote, there.)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Because Deciding Is Hard

Dear Kixia,

My hubby and I are having our 3rd baby in 4 monthss! We just found out we’re having another girl!!  Buuuut we can’t agree on a name!!! Our other childrens' names are: Braelynn Gabriella and Gracelynn Isabella.  LOL yeah we kind of have a pattern thing going on.  Should we stick with that, or go in a whole new direction?  What do YOU think???

Lizzy & Darius Cole

Lizzy & Darius,

Congrats!  OMG I love it when parents give their kids names with patterns! It brings such order to this chaotic world!  I TOTALLY think you should stick with what you have going.  If one sister had a name that was totally different from her OTHERS sisters, she might feel inferior or different!  That could screw her up for LIFE.

With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for girlie #3!:

-Charlynn Arabella
-Kennalynn Jezabella
-Azlynn Lionella
-Brooklynn Fontanella
-Sophielynn Nutella

Hope this helps! Let me know what you decide!


* * * * *
Dear Kixia,

We’re having our first baby in two months, a boy.  My parents are very religious and really they want us to name our baby something from the Bible.  So... my husband and I were talking about Joshua, Micah, Noah, etc.  But my husband’s parents, they think the baby should have a unique, unusual name.  What should we do??


Dear Angela,

One word: NEBUCHADNEZZAR!  King of the Bible!  And the name “Chad” is hidden in there, so you’ve got an insta-nickname!  Fabulous, right?  I wouldn’t stear you wrong.


* * * * * 
Dear Kixia,

My boyfriend and I have a three-year-old son, Jakobi Kai Isaiah… Jake for short.  Last week we found out that we’re going to be giving Jake a little brother in March!  We’re so excited!!  We want to name the baby something along the same lines, you know -- three names, with kind of the same sound going on… and we really like the letter “I”, so anything with that would be really awesome.  Thanks!



Oooh I love a good “must-have-this-letter” challenge! 

Let’s start with a short list of names with “I”…

-Ian (A little too popular, IMO, but an old classic nonetheless)
-Ike  (Can be short for Michael, but can stand alone as well)
-Isaac (“Zac” makes a nice nickname!)
-Ivan  (Love that “I-V” combo, don’t you?)
-Israel  (Does the child have Jewish roots? If so, pay homage.)
-Ishmael  (Literary references make your baby seem more intellectual. This can further him down the road.)
-Iverson  (The classic “Last name --> First Name” approach.)
-Iraq  (Topical & very modern!)
-Island (Names ending with -land are very IN right now.)

And then, of course, there are many names with the letter “I” positioned somewhere in the middle.  Some of my favorites include:

-Josiah (Biblical --> religious --> God will shine down on your baby!)
-Riley (Another popular one, but it would pair well with any of the above)
-Lionel (A strong name. Lions. RARRGHHH!)
-Giles (Unusual, but classy)
-Elijah (Elijah Wood --> Lord of the Rings --> Literary Reference --> Literature --> Smart Baby)

If you didn’t like the letter “I” so much, I would actually suggest replacing it with “Y”, as “Y” is just a touch better. Consider it!

Yvan Josyah Ryley
Lyonel Elyjah Yverson

See how nice that looks?

Good luck!

* * * * * 
Dear Kixia,

Help!!! The wife and I can’t agree on a name for our first child (a girl)!  Which name do you like better?  We’ll choose whichever you choose.

Option A: Alianna Ryleen Spencer
Option B: Blayke Jordana Spencer

Ken and Tiffany-Jo Spencer

Ken & Tiffany-Jo,

I say, when you can’t decide, JUST USE BOTH!  Lots of parents are going the “3-4 Names” route these days, there is nothing wrong with that!  If you are still unsure which order to put them in, I’d suggest using the first initial to try to spell out a word.  I was noticing that if you go like this:


You get BARJ!  Barj --> Barge, and that’s a word!  See?  Kids LOVE it when their initials spell something.  Mine do!  Kixia Alice Foster --> KAF --> Calf!  I love it, and so will baby Blayke!  Trust me.

Best wishes!

* * * * * 
Dear Kixia,

HELP!!! Three years ago, when I frist decided I wanted to have a baby, I told every1 that the baby’s name -- if it was a girl -- was going to be Savannah Grace.  I told EVERY1111!  Well, I shouldn't of, because GUESS WHUT -- my stupid cow of a cousin-in-law just had a baby girl and named her GRACE OLIVIA.  Now, I kno that’s not exactly the same, but the fact that she took MY name, Grace, really pisses me off!   Now I’m preggers, due in 8 months, and I have no idea what to do!!!  Pleeeease help me think of a better name then her so I can show her!!!



Girlfriend, I have an even better idea.  Keep the baby you’re about to have, of course, but ALSO… ADOPT a baby who is sliiiiightly older and bigger than your cousin-in-laws’ name-stealing baby.  Name your adopted child Savannah Grace.  Remind everyone that your baby was born first (which it WAS) and tell them that your cousin-in-law copied you.  That will show everyone, and you will have the last laugh!!!  As for your second baby, Shenandoah Glee would be a nice companion name!

Be sure to send me pix when the baby(ies) arrive!


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Step By Step, Ooh Baby!

   Years It Aired: 1991-1998
    Years I Was Into It: 1992-1997

When I was a kid, there were three ways I might be introduced to a TV show:

1) Stumbling across it while channel-surfing (usually on a Saturday morning)

2) My parents watching it first; me watching it with them.

3) Friends telling me about the show's very existence in the first place.

Number three is what happened with Step By Step. I remember (and please don't ask how my brain can remember THIS, and not where I left my keys) that my friend was spending the night at my house one Friday, and she asked if I watched TGIF.  I, being a failure of an 80's baby oblivious, said no, I had no idea what that was.  And so she explained the acronym and introduced me to the world of Family Matters, Dinosaurs, whatever else used to air back in 1992 (Perfect Strangers?), and, what soon became my new favorite Friday-night show, Step By Step.

Already a fan of The Brady Bunch, I'm sure the shows' similarities is what initially drew me to SBS. There were lots of kids on SBS, and that made it fun.

For the uninitiated, here's how the plot went down: Widow(er)s Mike and Carol... wait, hold on, I'm mixing medias again... DIVORCEES FRANK AND CAROL... met up while on vacation and eloped.  When they returned home, they had to explain everything to their kids.  Frank Lambert had three: teenager J.T., pre-teen Alicia (Al), and tyke Brendan.  Carol Foster also had three of her own -- teenage braniac Dana, teenage ditz princess Karen, and little geeky Mark.  The kids did not get along at first; in fact, Dana and J.T. had a rivalry that lasted several years.

Various supporting characters came & went during the show's run.  In the beginning, Carol ran a beauty parlor in the garage, and her mother and sister were her partners in that venture, but that didn't last.  Frank's nephew Cody was added to the pack early on; he was a popular character who had a crush on Dana.  In the fourth season, Frank and Carol got pregnant, and Lily Foster-Lambert was born in 1995.

 That's about when things started to get crazy.  Lily morphed into a kindergartener in 1997 (no doubt emulating the Keatons and Seavers of Television Past), and she was such an annoying brat, it made you wish Carol and Frank had never touched.  Cody disappeared, and in his stead, we got Rich, "Flash" Gordon, and Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux (played by Bronson Pinchot, of all people).  They also lost Brendan to the Judy Winslow curse (aka Gone But Never Explained Away, Hoping You Won't Notice Since There's So Many People On The Show As It Is.)  And sometime post-Cody, but pre-BigLily, they all went to Disney World!  Because WHY NOT??

My favorite season was the 1994-95 one, where Carol was pregnant.  As someone who wanted a baby sister myself, I found myself living vicariously through the Fosters and Lamberts that year.  My least favorite season was the second-to-last one, when Child Lily showed up.  I can't judge the final season because I didn't watch it... that's when the poor show was transferred to CBS (along with Family Matters) in order to (I kid you not) liven up the so-called Old-Folks network that was CBS. (In case you're wondering what happened to TGIF, don't worry.  It still had Boy Meets World and Sabrina The Teenage Witch.  Only now it also had Teen Angel.  And it wasn't about a young David Boreanaz, I am so, SO sorry to say.)

And so, my friends, ends this sad tale.  A tale of broken dreams and... oh, what am I saying?  Who cares?  It was good while it lasted.  Nuff said.

(This article is part of my ongoing series My TV Top 40, Ages 2-12 at alligatorjuice.com)

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Wait, so borrowing isn't forever?

Did you know that the Multnomah County Library system has a limit to how many times you can renew a book before they cut you off and say "no more"?

Yeah. Surprise.

I mean, it's only been 2 years and 3 months since I first checked the book out.  What gives, guys?  I'm not done with it yet!  I started it and... well, you know, I just haven't gone back to it.  And... well, I sort of can't find it. I mean, it's somewhere around here. I think I saw it last month.

Oh, bother. :/