Chutes & Ladders & Dubious Morality Lessons

Ah, Chutes and Ladders, the classic Milton Bradley game of good deeds and ladders, bad deeds and chutes (fancy-talk for slides.) Just as its inspiration and predecessor (the ancient game of Snakes & Ladders) did, Milton Bradley's version rewards kindness, generosity and hard work, and punishes... well, whatever's the opposite. The illustrations on the game board attempt to convey everyday choices children make and their typical and/or justifiable outcomes. 

Not long ago, I came across a copy of a 1950s Chutes and Ladders game board. I studied it in an attempt to make heads or tails of the lessons presented within. And I asked myself the following: 

1. Were the rewards really deserved? 

2. Did the punishments adequately fit the crimes? 

3. Why is climbing ladders considered the "good" thing, when everyone knows slides (or "chutes," if you must) are superior to ladders? Just ask any child on the playground.

4. What kinds of deeds were considered "bad" in the 50s? Genuinely curious.

Below is my attempt at unraveling the mystery that is Milton Bradley's 1950s Chutes and Ladders game board.

Good Deed #1: Digging up dandelions from your own yard and planting them in your neighbors' yard. Soon they, too, will be able to enjoy the delights of owning their own lawnful of "wish" flowers! How kind.

Reward: Your neighbors will be so pleased, they'll offer you fresh-off-the-vine tomatoes as a thank you! Unfortunately, you hate tomatoes, so of course you give them to the poor. The self-satisfaction you feel upon doing so is its own reward, is it not?

Bad Deed #98: Attempting to hitch a ride via your cat's tail.

Punishment: Nothing you didn't absolutely deserve.

And you know it.

Good Deed #9: Doing yard work without being asked.

Reward: After an exhausting day of working out in the hot sun, a shimmering circus tent will suddenly appear before you. You will be compelled towards it. You will never be seen again.

Bad Deed #47: Going fishing directly behind a No Fishing sign.

Punishment: After catching, cooking, and consuming what turns out to be a radioactive fish (the sign did try to warn you), you begin to hallucinate you're being chased by a disembodied leg. It chases you to the ends of the earth and makes you very, very sorry for what you've done.

Good Deed #36: Eating lots of delicious White Bread.

Reward: No more pesky belly button for you to worry about!

Bad Deed #87: Forming a human ladder to reach a jar of cookies when a simple summoning charm would have done the trick.

Punishment: Augh!! The broken glass!! The copious amounts of horrible blood!! And where are the cookies? That's right: they were never there to begin with. This was a test, and you FAILED. Now go see Madam Pomfrey about that arm.

Good Deed #71: Helping a lady out by suggesting the perfect accessory for her ensemble -- in this case, a handbag that exquisitely complements her emerald-green frock. Chase after her with said handbag if you must. She'd be lost without you.

Reward: Go on. Treat yourself. You know you deserve it.

Bad Deed #64: Braiding your client's hair the normal way when she clearly requested French braids.

Punishment: It's back to remedial beauty school for you, young man!

Good Deed #28: Tying up your little brother. Little scamp needs to be taught a lesson!

Reward: He'll thank you later.

Bad Deed #62: Accepting a job as a waitress at your aunt Millie's roadside diner. Child Labor laws have been around for decades, but neither of you seems to care. 

Punishment: Laws exist for a reason, Sally. You just had to have that new bike, didn't you? Well, now Millie's garnishing your wages for a week! Let's be a little more careful in the future, hmm?

Bad Deed #56: Skating near a No Skating sign.

Punishment: Frostbite, naturally. It's a real shame about those toes.

Bad Deed #95: Throwing your mom's vase out the window.

Punishment: "You break my vase, I break your pig, got it?"

Good Deed #4: Reading books.

Reward: Graduate 10 years early.

[Also in this photo...]

Bad Deed #16: Shooting rubber bands from behind your books instead of reading them.

Punishment: I dunno, for some reason pointy hats are bad and flat hats are good? 

Bad Deed #93: Making crappy art!

Punishment: Your monthly bath gets moved up to today. That'll teach you to be creative!

Good Deed #80: Making crappy art!

Reward: Fame & glory!

I know, I know. Life just isn't fair.

All About Everything - Week Of July 30th, 2013

This Week's Topic: Teetotums!

(Teetotums having nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with Teetotalers, although one could presume teetotalers used teetotums for fun & general amusement.)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

A teetotum (or T-totum) is a form of gambling spinning top. It has a polygonal body marked with letters or numbers, which indicate the result of each spin. In its earliest form the body was square (in some cases via a stick through a regular six-sided die ^[1]), marked on the four sides by the letters A (Lat. aufer, take) indicating that the player takes one from the pool, D (Lat. depone, put down) when a fine has to be paid, N (Lat. nihil, nothing), and T (Lat. totum, all), when the whole pool is to be taken.

Other accounts give such letters as P, N, D (dimidium, half), and H or T or other combinations of letters. Other combinations of letters that could be found were NG, ZS, TA, TG, NH, ND, SL and M, which included the Latin terms Zona Salve ("save all"), Tibi Adfer ("take all"), Nihil Habeas ("nothing left"), Solve L ("save 50") and Nihil Dabis ("nothing happens").

The teetotum survives today as dreidel, a Jewish game played on Hanukkah. Some modern teetotums have six or eight sides, and are used in commercial board games in place of dice. The original 1860 version of The Game of Life used a teetotum in order to avoid the die's association with gambling.

* * * * *

Reading further on the subject, I learn that dice used to be considered evil and tainted, and that good, respectable folks did not play games with those cubed fiends. 

I'm glad that sentiment has pretty much died over the years, because think of how hard it would be to play Yahtzee if you have to spin five teetotums? THINK!

Fun Modern Tabletop Games (And why I secretly hate them)

Agricola

Agricola, the game of a million pieces, takes a while to learn, but once you've got it down it can be a lot of fun. Over the course of slightly over a dozen rounds, you and your fellow players place tokens on available cards in turn. The cards might say things like "take wood," "build fences," or "plow a field." If someone takes the card you were after, too bad, wait til the next round. After every few rounds it's time to "harvest." Here you must slaughter your animals (represented by tiny wooden blocks) or bake bread (a combo of yellow wooden circles and an "oven" card) to feed your family (more wooden circles.) If you can't feed your family, you go into debt. The game ends after the final round and everyone counts up their land, animals, grain pieces, etc. in a convoluted points system that determines the most successful of farmers.

Why I hate it: My brother always beats me.

Settlers of Catan

You place your wooden pieces and then let the dice decide your fate. Collect elements such as wheat, wood, and brick, and combine them to build roads, settlements, and cities. Buy Development Cards to add some extra points. Trade with others. The winner is the first person to 10 points.

Why I hate it: There are only like three ways to win, so you'd think I could manage it every now and then... but you'd be wrong.

10 Days In The USA (Or Europe. Or Asia.)

Randomly place 10 travel cards on your board, resulting in a logistical nightmare. Then, on each turn, you may exchange one of your cards for one in a series of piles. Slowly but surely, you'll build a travel itinerary that could actually be plausible. 

Why I hate it: There's only one card for each state, so if you need Texas and somebody else does too, your whole plan goes to the loo. (The European edition combats this problem; as there are fewer countries than there are US states, some countries are duplicated for our convenience.)

Dominion

Online or in card form, Dominion is a game where you use Coin Cards to buy Action cards, then use both Coin and Action cards to acquire Victory cards (the green ones.)  Some Action cards are better than others, and sometimes it takes a while to figure out what strategy to use. There are also Attack cards, which you can use to strip your opponent of his money, confidence, and livelihood.

Why I hate it: They're always coming out with new cards, which I guess is good because it changes the game up a little, but the learning curve would put Lombard Street to shame. Annnd my brother usually beats me.

Ticket To Ride

Pick destination cards, then use little plastic train pieces to build your routes. You must acquire colored cards and use them to put down trains. Can you make it from San Francisco to New York? Oh hey, lots of points, there! Feeling confident? Draw MORE destination cards! Build an entire fleet, why don't you? Tycooning is fun!

Why I hate it: Need to go from Boston to Las Vegas? Whoops, all the tracks to Las Vegas are taken, too bad! The more players, the worse time you'll have making the routes you want, leading to frustration, tears, and a myriad of little plastic trains strewn across your home.

Trivial Pursuit

Answer questions! Impress your family and friends with your superior knowledge! Collect little pieces of pie! Who doesn't love pie? 

Why I hate it: It makes me feel like an ignoramus. Even when I play the 90's Edition, I'm left feeling kind of empty, because while I DO get a lot of questions right, they're either about Titanic or the Spice Girls, and frankly, that doesn't make me proud.

In conclusion...

I don't actually hate any of these games. I play them often. In fact, I wish I was playing them right now!! :D