The Corona Chronicles: Chapter 23 - Whoops

 It's been a long time since I've added a post to this series -- almost as long as it's been since the CDC last reported statistics.

(Source)

So you can probably guess why I'm posting again after so long a hiatus. 

Four years, four months. Four vaccines/boosters. But it finally caught up to me. Yes... recently I got the faint double line on my Covid test. 

It started out as a fever/body ache thing, progressed to chest congestion/cough, and then seemed to get better... and then got worse... and then better! And then worse. You see where this is going.

I know I was not as careful as I could have been. I should have worn masks more. Used more hand sanitizer. Avoided indoor spaces when I could. But I didn't. I got lazy. 

So that's that. It's going around again. Take care.

* * *

I've been thinking about all the things that have changed, for better or for worse, since the pandemic began. 

Things That Have Gotten Better Since 2020 and Have Stayed (Arguably) Better:

*Some of our schools got air filters.

*Options for legit online education have expanded, allowing kids who aren't thriving in a traditional classroom to try another method.

*Food delivery options have expanded.

*Mobile ordering is now widely available.

*So many new options for streaming content.

*Churches now doing streaming services.

*Credit cards/Paypal/Venmo/Cashapp etc. being accepted in more places.

*Doctors now offering virtual visits.

*You can now pump your own gas in Oregon, should you wish to.

Things That Got Better For a While, Then Went Back to Blahsville:

*People keeping their distance in public.

*Stores limiting the number of people that can be in the space at one time.

*Hand sanitizer stations, or bottles, being available in public spaces (at least after the initial shortage).

*Distance learning. Okay, I'm not on the popular side of this argument. Most people didn't like this, but I did! The ability to MUTE THE CHILDREN, my goodness!

*Virtual work meetings. The number of times this past year when we had an in-face meeting where all they did was tell us something that could've been handled by email... I get grumpy just thinking about it.

Things That Got Really Annoying For a While, But Are Better Now:

*Trying to follow one-way arrows taped to the floor of store aisles. I'm all for not crashing into other customers, but the pieces of tape were NOT doing the trick.

*Libraries being closed.

*Doctor's offices having no chairs in the waiting rooms.

*Having to stay away from all your loved ones.

*Not being able to travel.

*Toilet paper, Lysol, and hand sanitizer shortages.

Things I Thought Would Get Better, But Have Gotten Weirdly Worse:

*The kids I work with, despite having spent one-half to one-third of their lives in a pandemic, don't seem to give a flying fudgesicle about keeping their germs to themselves at school. In the past year I've witnessed biting, spitting, kissing, candy sharing, lip gloss/makeup sharing, and food sharing (one incident in particular sent a kid to the hospital.) The safety pendulum really did a wild swing there.

Things I Miss About the Pre-Pandemic World:

. . .

Okay, maybe the naive, careless bliss some of us lived in to certain degrees.

At one point I would have said "buffets," but I've decided I don't miss them that much after all.

Scattered Childhood Memories #10: Library Story Time

 

I have a cluster of memories associated with going to the library. Since they're on my mind today I thought I might as well gather them here.

Age 4 - My absolute first memory of going to the library is only really memorable because of what I missed out on at home. My mom took me to story time one day. My 2-year-old brother stayed home with my dad, who was doing home repairs. When my mom and I returned from our outing, we found out we'd missed "the fire." There had been a kitchen fire, resulting in a couple of things surrounding the stove being charred. No one was hurt, and nothing was too damaged, but the smell. I remember being so bothered by it that I asked my parents: "Can we move?" (We had recently moved into that house... so, why not just pack up and go again?)

Age 9/10 - I'd become obsessed with The Baby-Sitters Club. I'd read about half of the 36ish books that had been released so far, all out of order. The second I entered the public library, I'd head straight for the paperback cart to grab any new (to me) books. One time my cousin and I even raced each other to the cart. 

Also on this cart were the American Girl books, but I was deeply embarrassed by the fact that one of the girls not only had my name (Molly) but also vaguely looked like me. The horror!

We learned to use the card catalog to look up which BSC books the library had. I think we could also reserve books. One day, a librarian led me away from the card catalogs and told me I could now use A COMPUTER to search for books! You'd think I'd be intrigued, but I was not. I loved those cards.

Age 9.5 - My cousins and I went to some kid event at the public library. They had book trivia and I answered a question correctly and won a prize -- BSC book #33! I later loaned it out to a girl I knew, who took ages to return it, and when she did, the book was in poor condition. You'd think I would learn not to loan out books at that point, but... you would be wrong.

Age 5-8. We had two libraries at my elementary school: a small one for the primary kids and a bigger one for the older kids. In the small one, the librarian was named Mrs. White. She had the same first name as my paternal grandmother, a coincidence the two of them discovered the time my grandma visited my school for Grandparents' day. As any good librarian ought, Mrs. White read us stories. One of the stories was about a badger or raccoon or some other animal that "washed its paws." This made me and my classmate giggle because it sounded so silly. We were admonished for giggling. But... PAWS!

Our class went to the school library weekly, but I had no interest in any books unless I had already read (or heard) them. I learned where to find the Peggy Parish (Amelia Bedelia) and Judith Viorst (Alexander) books, and usually headed straight to those sections.

Whenever we checked out books we had to fill in our name and info. on cards that we took out of pockets in the back of the library book. We then put these cards in a class folder. 

One day, the librarian read us a picture book about a hamster. I enjoyed the book and sought to check it out. The librarian tried to stop me from checking it out because she thought it'd be too hard for me to read. My teacher interjected: it's okay, I was a fair enough reader and should be fine. I got the book home and realized... it was written entirely in cursive. Well -- at least the pictures were fun!

Age 9-11. I was now old enough to visit the intermediate library at school. The librarian here was named Mrs. Wurm. We started every library session by her singing: Good morning, class! We were instructed to sing back, Good morning, Mrs. Wurm! To this day, I seethe when I hear teachers making their students do this type of thing (it is very rare, but still.) Mrs. Wurm introduced us to Beverly Cleary, the lovely land of New Zealand, and Tomes & Talismans, a pre-apocalyptic, library-centric PBS miniseries that I'm fairly certain we never saw the end of but that lives rent-free in my brain to this day.

It was here that I was introduced to my first non-Commodore computer, an Apple Macintosh that had a mouse (not a real mouse, kids!). I became obsessed with clicking and dragging.

Age 11. I was bussed to another school once a week for special classes. That library had the Mary Poppins books -- all of them. I was scandalized to learn that the Banks family was supposed to have more than two children! (Disney, what did you do with John, Barbara and Annabel!?) 

One day we were given an assignment to cull a book -- ie, find one on the shelves that was out-of-date, irrelevant, or whatever. I found a book about motorcycles in the reference section that read like it was written for 1-year-olds. It was so pitiful, I thought for sure I'd found a winner (loser?) But when I presented it to the librarian, she wanted me to make a case for it. Make a case for it? Certainly it spoke for itself! LOOK AT IT! I now understand what she was trying to do, but at the time I was utterly appalled by how clueless she seemed.

Age 12. Middle school. On the second day of school, during lunch, I sat down next to a girl I didn't know and we clicked. She asked if I'd been to the school library yet; I hadn't, so she led the way. (You could go there after lunch instead of going outside.) I read so many books from this library during my two years at that school -- specifically, I remember Just as Long as We're Together, Matilda, and the delightful 80s time capsule Beverly Clearly's Ramona - Behind the Scenes of a Television Show. That REM "Read" poster was on one of the walls. Eventually I started volunteering there during my non-class times, checking out and receiving books, shelving, etc.

Age 13-16. For some reason our local public library decided to stop putting "date due" cards in paperbacks, perhaps to prepare for their upcoming renovations. This induced people to check out books and never return them. I got a few BSC books this way, but also felt bad about it. The library eventually was demolished, and a newer, bigger building took its place. There were hardly any paperback books in the new library. They didn't want the BSC books back. The library had lost its appeal to me. It took me a long time to want to go back there.

Those are my childhood memories associated with The Library.

Glossy Time Capsules #39: Teen Beat - February, 1994

Glossy Time Capsules #39

Teen Beat

February, 1994

Ah, Teen Beat... helping to beat the hearts of 9-to-13-year-olds from 1967 to 2007. 

According to Wikipedia, tween mags such as this one saw dwindling readership beginning in the early 90s. (For Teen Beat in particular, circulation dropped from 132,000 in December 1992 to 90,000 in December 1993.)

You can't even blame the internet for that drop!

Let's blame Joey Lawrence instead!

Kidding, of course. We love Joey. Even if he does appear in this issue about 900 times.

Hey, kids of the early 90s! Do you have the urge to have photos of your fave stars constantly in your pocket? Don't want to wait for smartphones to be invented? Wallet Pix to the rescue!

Peel your eyes away from little baby Leonardo DiCaprio for a sec, and note the guy on the top left: Mark-Paul Gosselaar. From 1987 to 1994, MPG played Zack Morris on three shows: Good Morning, Miss Bliss, Saved By The Bell, and Saved By The Bell: The College Years, not to mention a couple of TV-movies.

Though perhaps the most fondly remembered of its kind, Saved By The Bell wasn't the only Saturday-morning show about a group of mostly-hot teens back in 1994. California Dreams was in the middle of its 1992-1996 run...

You also had CityKids. It evidently only lasted 13 episodes and, according to Wikipedia, involved Muppets.

Meanwhile, in primetime, you had Beverly Hills 90210...

Jason Priestley, Luke Perry, Jennie Garth, Shannen Doherty, Tori Spelling, Sharknado Guy, Brian Austin Green, Gabrielle Carteris... they were all there.

A few people were tired of 90210, though, I guess...

Elsewhere in the Letters section...

Jeremy Jordan, star of screen and stage?! Uh... nope. That Jeremy Jordan was nine years old when this mag came out. Mickey P. is, in fact, lusting after this Jeremy Jordan (actual name Don Hensen), who played Guy Perkins in Never Been Kissed.

I see you, Billy Ray Cyrus...

Glad to see the love for New Kids On The Block was still strong among its most loyal fans...

Joey Lawrence just had to get his face on a page about the then-freshman TV show The Nanny....

Another show that hit the airwaves in 1993.... ❤

And we can't forget about another 1993 newbie, Boy Meets World! (Sorry, Shiloh, but the world will ultimately forget about The Mommies.)

Now wait a second...

Will Estes is in a tween magazine?? Can it be???

I jest, of course. From The New Lassie (1989-1992) to It Had To Be You (1993) to Kirk (1995-1996) to Meego (1997) to Kelly Kelly (1998), one could argue that Will Estes was either the most prolific guy on television in the 90s... or that he was a debuting TV show's kiss of death. 

He was also in that depressing series finale of Full House. AND SPEAKING OF...

It's Steve from Full House!

Man, 1994 was a good year...

I can't see any potential problems with having tweens share their home addresses with complete strangers...

All right, c'mon, this magazine isn't going to pay for itself. Behold the ads!

I don't know what the girl in the "before" picture was dealing with, but I don't think it was just acne. I also suspect spiritual possession.

Wait, which one's Debbie?

Oh, come on, not again...

Joey, please! Take a backseat!

Surprise!

I wonder if Josh's college ever got him to plant a celebrity tree?

The birthdays section boasts the one and only mention of Brad Pitt in this issue, but to be fair, when this mag came out he was basically still just the guy from A River Runs Through It. And turning 30, aw.

Well, this next section is less exciting than usual, but I can't leave it out...

NEAT THINGS YOU SHOULD BUY!

IS THERE NO ESCAPING YOU, JOEY??

Well, I think the teen is now completely beat(en) out of me, so until next time...

Go plant a tree.

For more Glossy Time Capsules, click here!

Glossy Time Capsules #38: House & Home - November, 1967

 Glossy Time Capsules #38

House & Home

November, 1967

Here to give us a glimpse of a far out future... it's November 1967's House & Home!

House & Home was a magazine for builders trying to build dwellings people would want to buy, as well as for people looking to buy or remodel their own homes.

Apparently this necessitated a lot of ads featuring women who seem to have wandered into otherwise empty houses and have decided to stay a while...

]

A half century before Rose Gold, we had Beige Blah, the perfect color for your towels, shower curtains, bath tile, or, dare I say it, ALL THREE.

Loretta knew she should at least pre-heat the oven and get something together for supper, but the lure of changing out the door inserts for the fifth time this week was too great. Thus her family was forced to eat PB&J yet again.

Wood paneling: the wall treatment you swear you'll never regret, the folly your grandkids will never let you forget.

"Don't mind me, I just wandered in off the street looking for the powder ro-- HELLO CERAMIC COUNTER TOPS!"

Hey, those aren't His and Hers tubs! That's a tub and a freaking sink! Dolores, you deserve the bigger tub! TAKE IT!

"Behold my plastic walls! My plastic smile! Yes, yes, my entire life is a lie!"

"Alice? Hello there, it's Phyllis! I've finally pulled it off! My outfit and my room decor absolutely match. It's uncanny, Alice! You simply must come for coffee and a chat. That is, IF you can even find me!"

There also seem to be a lot of ads for things I'm slightly confused about. Such as wood windows. Wouldn't those be difficult to see out of?

Hahaha, now I get it.

Okay, but here's another question: why?

I mean, I get why you'd want to keep food warm, but there are three empty stove burners, like, right there....

Okay, another question: If 98% of women wanted a hand shower...

...what did the other 2% want? 

What were the other choices? Hand shower, fogless mirror, jar full of spiders, what?

Hmm.

Sometimes the questions just generate themselves...

I kind of like the color scheme below, but can we zoom in a little?

You know what? Let's never speak of this again.

What is going on in this ad? What is it even for? 

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

So practical. So convenient. Numerous late-night neighborhood shenanigans await.

"Mom! Please, let us in! We'll be good!"

"We're so hungry, Mommy! Please, just open the door!"

Good news, the housing crisis will soon be a thing of the past!

Meanwhile, even in 1967 douchebag millionaires were douchebagging.

Rest in peace, Ross Cortese. I know you didn't live to see the internet, but these days we have these things called search engines, and your #1 search engine result is FindaGrave.com! So that's fun.

Okay, sure.

"Well, Robin, it's just you and me again. I know I'm only nine, but I'm the boss of you while Mother and Father are out, so here are some ground rules. The decorative concrete lines are roads, and..."

Yeah, in 15 years it'll be 1982... and trust me when I say your regret will be severe.

Just your average set of guys in suits on a street corner, discussing dishwashers.

Nice handle-in-the-middle Hobbit cupboards, there.

Color of the year: AVOCADO. 

Avocado held on for several years, as a matter of fact, and I fear its inevitable triumphant return circa 2028.

Hot water, cold water, speedometer, gas gauge... did I miss anything?

It's 1967, so put it everywhere. Well, maybe not the kitchen floor, as we know that's reserved for carpets.

Are you ready to embrace the NEW PRODUCTS of 1968?

Is it a refrigerator? Is it a wardrobe? What's behind door number one? Let's find ou-- AUGH! NO! CLOSE IT, QUICK!

So.

Much.

Wood.

1968 apparently brought us the delight known as foil wallcoverings. These are kind of brilliant. Especially in a bathroom -- it'll be years before you'll be able to notice you've got a mold problem!

Ah yes, and we know why they were incombustible. They won't kill you in one way, but they will in another! ☠

Hey, that looks like the toilet from Barbie's 1979 dreamhouse!

Well, this has been exhausting, but I can't end this without my favorite section, NEAT THINGS YOU SHOULD BUY!

Electric stairways!

Airless sprayers! (What are we spraying? Never mind!)

Combination library book drop and toaster!

Sad, flat zebras!

And with that, I'll say goodbye... for now.

For more Glossy Time Capsules, click here!