Wednesday, June 22, 2022

1970s Yearbook Subjects Have No Regrets (About Their Senior Photo Choices)

     It's the mid-1970s, and it's a very important time for this group of teens. Throughout the year they'll be trying hard to snag enough credits in order to graduate. But even more pressing is this often-underrated task: Having their senior photos taken, and deciding which one they should submit to the yearbook.

The high school I attended in the late 90s was strict on what senior photos could look like in the yearbook. They even had restrictions about the dimensions of your head. No hats. No slogans. Neutral backgrounds. OR ELSE... or else, uh, they'd just end up using the Jostens photo they'd snapped of you on the first day of school.

These teens, on the other hand, were living in a decade of freedom and opportunity. They made some very interesting photographic decisions...

And they have no regrets.

Ron Walden aimed to please both sides of his family -- his conservative, plaid-favoring maternal relations, as well as his tree-hugging, make-love-not-war paternal kinfolk. These compromises could have erupted into an aesthetic disaster, but Ron did everyone proud. He looks comfy and he has no regrets whatsoever.

Sherry Ontonomy was a dreamer. Sherry was also an experimenter. A little of this, a little of that. Sherry has no regrets about this photo -- but then, she doesn't really remember taking it.

To pose with her glasses or without? Lori Landers knew she didn't HAVE to make a choice. But she chose. And she chose this. Best of both worlds. Regrets: none.

If you ask her about this tree, Pamela Dunlap will tell you the story of how her great-grandmother planted its seed the very same week the telephone service came to town. The tree grew to a height of 55 feet and protected many Dunlap children under the shade of its branches. But when its roots began to antagonize the sidewalk in the mid-80s, it had to be felled. Pamela regrets the tree's demise, but she doesn't regret this photo.

Jeff McCabe spent all of junior year and half of senior year growing that happening beardish wonder, and he is proud to display his efforts for all eternity. No regrets here.

Robin Caldwell struck the perfect balance between classy and natural by inviting the nearby foliage to simply lean over and peer into this shot. The viewer may ever wonder what Robin is looking at, but Robin regrets nothing.

Having his face featured twice in one photo at no extra cost? Marc "Thrifty" Thafelchuk would never, could never, regret a good bargain.

Wendy Daniels carried her mood on her finger for all to see. When she died, they buried her beneath this tree. Her epitaph read: No Regrets.

Wayne Pettall may have been bamboozled by his older brother, Craig, who convinced Wayne that a bow tie and shirt, both made out of the exact same material, would be a winning look (it was not), but Wayne wasn't about to be dismayed: he bought 50 copies of this photo, sent them to all his relatives along with graduation announcements, and received a whopping $54.22 in graduation money. Which Craig promptly stole.

Regrets were made all throughout Allan Sumfield's senior year, but this was actually one his better days, so yay Allan!

Martha Dawn Brietschold was a gentle soul. This photo was taken by her "artiste" boyfriend, Michael Hamford, the week before she died of a... just kidding, she's fine.

The only regret Susie Mirnowa has is that the Star Wars costumers totally stole her look, and she never received a penny.

Terry Weber's parents begged her not to draw a dreidel on a white robe and wear it to get her senior photo taken, but she did it anyway. It was the first time Terry really defied her parents, and it felt great. She regrets many of her choices later in life, but not this.

Rich Altronsky may have been posing beside a tree, or he may have been deep in cave. Only Rich and the photographer will ever know the truth. The main thing is that Rich's grooviness levels were off the charts that day, and no regrets were had.

Daryl Minton had a rare condition where he could only grow out his mustache OR his sideburns -- one a time, but never both at once. So he had to make a decision. He chose the sideburns, and he has never once regretted it.

Denise Wallard knew she had the best hair in the school... nay, the land. Her intense gaze defied anyone who might say otherwise. She may have had some reservations about her sleeves, but no outright regrets.

Yvonne Hollandower discovered a key secret to the universe early in life: Plaid ensembles are the pinnacle of comfort. What is there to regret? Life is golden. And plaid.

Mark Legather. Ladies man. Never without a silk shirt. Always leaning on something. His only regret is that he couldn't possibly get any cooler. No -- this is it. Mark, age 17 and a half, has officially peaked.

Tracy Heffrany may have been physically present for this photo, but her mind, soul, and whatever else is typically hanging around were clearly long gone. Since a soulless body can have no regrets, we'll just leave this here.

Carl Maguire. Regular fixture down at the local pool hall. Used to sing in the church choir before his voice changed and he got self-conscious. Someday he'll regret his four marriages and five of his seven children, but he won't regret this photo choice.

Andy Foreman's mother told him he'd regret posing by a tree while wearing a brown sweater. Why, he'd blend in! Disappear! But he did it anyway, and he looked fantastic.

This may not have been a posed senior photo so much as a snapshot taken during a neighborhood game of Capture The Flag, but Harold Bertles was satisfied with the outcome nonetheless.

Janice Cantero has the best photo in the whole damn yearbook, and has no regrets. Buttons Cantero, on the other paw, regretted not sitting very still during his most recent grooming session. No one told him there were going to be photos!

Bill Mackland, just here to look like everybody's dad.

Ted Wayford. Thinker. Ponderer. Critic. Does he regret wearing two shirts instead of one for his photo? He does not. 

Helene Rubens may have lost the Senior Class Hair Wars to Denise Wallard, but no one could ever come close to capturing Helene's overall style. Those white rabbits may have had some regrets, but Helene does not.

An ottoman. An urn. And, of course, Shannon Hughes, just sitting there as mellow as can be. A true piece of art... about which Shannon has no regrets.

Francine Hockley was gorgeous and she knew it. How to best capture the hair AND the smoldering eyes? Why settle for one photo, when you can have two? Does she regret not going for three? Wellll....

Greg Hayfield spent years afterward trying to convince his kids that he was NOT wearing an ascot in this photo, but rather a really far-out collar. He was NOT trying to be a Regency-era hero, not even to win the heart of...

"I'm sure curly side tendrils will make a comeback someday," thought Virginia Lancaster. "Why shouldn't I be the one to initiate that comeback?" She had to wait many a year for her vision to come true, but once it did, all regrets subsided.

Diane Shelbert's photographer's lighting choices were definitely... choices... but Diane has no regrets about the end effect. "An air of mystery enshrouds us all," she says. "I think this picture captures my essence brilliantly."

Barry Wagner regrets not buying stock in Apple or Microsoft, but he doesn't regret anything about this photo.

Steve Henshaw went off to college and returned to his same high school four years later to teach Shop. His received much ribbing from his students when they discovered this photo, but he took it all in stride. He also gave out a lot of D's.

Jim Glenn disappeared after graduation. Rumor had it that he went back to his time machine and returned from whence he had originally come. We have no way of knowing whether or not he had any regrets, but why should he? WHY?

Lee Sanders, the coolest guy around. So cool, he made it into the yearbook even though he wasn't even a student. Everyone should aspire to be like Lee.

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I would like to extend my warmest regards to all the folks above. All names have been changed, so please don't come at me. May your retirement years be good to you, and please... don't forget to ask for that Senior Discount at Kroeger's on the first Tuesday of the month. You won't regret it.

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Monday, May 30, 2022

Glossy Time Capsules #34: Nintendo Power - November/December, 1990

 Glossy Time Capsules #34

Nintendo Power

November/December, 1990

Price: $3.50

Judging from this issue, late 1990 was a spectacular time to be a gamer. I was only vaguely aware of any of it at the time. We were a Commodore household, so we were at the mercy of our NES-owning neighbors and cousins to get our Nintendo fix. A NES didn't enter our house until 1992. But hey... better to show up late to the party than never show up at all.

So yeah, this magazine brings back memories, even if my memories happened a few years later. 

Want to subscribe to Nintendo Power? Oh well, too bad... the magazine dissolved a decade ago.

The Table of Contents tease at the many joys the reader is soon to behold in this issue...

In a previous issue, NP had asked readers to send in their accounts of bad things that happened while playing Nintendo...

Neil Prochnow's anecdote is the stuff of legend. Karen Day's is gross but funny. Richie Nabring's is something else....

House fire. Could've died, but no big deal... just sad it interrupted our playin'.

For a future issue, the editors wanted to know...

I don't want to know. Really, I do not.

Next we get into some of the games from back in the day. My brother was way more in tune with a lot of these than I was.

DuckTales for Gameboy had recently been released, and it was showcased in this issue....

I loved DuckTales, and I know I played the NES version at my cousins' house.

My most vivid memories of the game are from playing DuckTales: Remastered on my PC about a decade ago.

In which the graphics were FAR SUPERIOR to this mess:

How did we even? is what I want to know.

Maybe these guys could answer my questions...

They stored their NES knowledge in their mullets, I assume.

Where are the warp whistles? You mean people had to be told? They didn't just know? 

I'm not buying it.

Dr. Mario had just been released that past July, and this magazine wanted you to know how cool think it was cool.

You know what was a cooler game than Dr. Mario? Why, TETRIS, of course!

Tetris was best played on one of these...

Tetris actually ranked #4 on this magazine's Top 30 list for 1990, though Mario 3 definitely dominated in the points department....

I never called the Game Play Counselors, did you?

Heck yeah, contests!

And tournaments!

First female finalist? This Mora erasure will not stand!

Okay, no more The Wizard references from here on out. Probably.

Coming soon...

How have I never heard of this Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade NES game? 

Wow, it turns out it's delightfully ridiculous.

So what else did the future (aka 1991) have in store for us?

SIM CITY <3 <3 <3

Meanwhile, in HOT NEWS...

"But here are a few mondo screen shots to keep you from having a cow until then" is a phrase that could've only been uttered with any sincerity in that specific year.

Advice on taking photos of your Game Boy screen, a thing I never even considered doing...

Maybe I just didn't care enough. Not nearly as much as these people did, anyway...

We now approach the end of this magazine with a random appearance by Kadeem "Dwayne Wayne" Hardison...

and lastly, an ad for... um...

What is this, exactly?

Ah, an ad for the NES Four Score and the NES Satellite: adapters for four players to play simultaneously.

The coolest thing my family ever had was the NES Advantage...

Not to be confused with the coolest Nintendo peripheral in existence...

Look, I made NO PROMISES! 


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For more Glossy Time Capsules, click here.

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