Watching Little Women (1994)... With My Mother

Watching Little Women (1994)... 

                                                                    ...With My Mother

Her: "I know you said I wasn't allowed to ask questions during this, but can I ask just one?"

Me: "Okay...."

Her: "Aren't there supposed to be five daughters?"

Me: "What, you think there's a fifth one hidden in a closet somewhere, just waiting to make a grand entrance?"

Her: "Yes. Maybe."

* * *

Me: "Ugh, Amy is the worst."

Her: "Yes, and good things always happen to her."

Me: "Right? She gets to go to Europe, marry Laurie.... Sometimes I like to imagine a different ending for her, though."

Her: "Like what?"

Me: "Like one where she has to marry Mr. Wickham."

* * * 

Marmee March, talking to Meg about John Brooke's proposal: "Yes, but I'd prefer [John] had a house [before you marry]!"

Me: "If you were required to have a house before you got married nowadays, nobody would ever get married except for middle-aged people going into their second marriage."

Her: *sad nod*

* * *

Laurie: *proposes to Jo*

Me: "I'm kind of glad she says no at this point. They're both so young."

Her: "No, they're older! Remember, it said 'Four Years Later'."

Me: "Yes, but look at his face."

Her: "Yes, such a baby face."

One scene later:

Laurie, growing facial hair as we speak: "YOU WERE SAYING...???"

* * *

See also:

Watching 'The Natural'... With My Mother

Watching 'Cranford'... With My Mother

Watching 'Pride & Prejudice'... With My Mother

Watching "Cranford" With My Mother

possible semi-spoiler warning?

Mom: "You have to come watch the Cranford DVD with me! It's such a charming show!"

Me: "Fine whatever okay."

45 minutes later:

Mom: "Did... did that lady... die?"

Me: "Looks that way."

30 minutes later:

Mom: "Is... is HE dead?"

Me: "Looks that way."

1 minute later:

Mom: "Wait, she's dead, too?"

Me: "Looks that way."

30 minutes later:

Me: "And now he's dead. That's four people in three episodes. This is the most depressing show ever. I'm sorry I ever complained about all those characters on Downton Abbey being put on a bus. At least they got to return a few episodes later. It's not like they had to die! Well, except for Matthew."

Mom. "Matthew! Oh, that was so sad. Yes.... So... can you order the next Cranford disc for me?"

Transformative

So there's this show called Flea Market Flip, where people go to flea markets and buy junky furniture for cheap, spruce up the items with fabric or paint or whatnot, then turn around sell the things for $300 a pop at another flea market. Brilliant!

Sometime last winter, between my 17th and 18th hour of binge-watching the show, I decided I, too, needed to reupholster something. Anything. Watch out, nearby ottoman, I'm coming for ya!

Alas, I couldn't exactly recreate the creative process of the show, since flea markets are far and few between around here, but we do have a lot of thrift stores. That's where I met this little bench. He cost $6.

Now, I know the cushion may look gray in that photo, but let me assure you, it was brown. Mud brown. Stale chocolate brown. Kindergarten Carpet Square brown. It had to go. And I could do it! Sure, I'd never reupholstered anything in my life, but how hard could it be? There were even instructions on the bottom of the stool!

So first step, unscrew cushion from legs.

So far, so good. Now, to remove the staples....

Staples... that really don't want to be removed....

Not from the first layer....

And not from the second layer of 80s grandma-y goodness....

I didn't even get a picture of the orange foam layer, below that! But you can kind of see it peeking through, there.

At last, after days of prying up staples and swearing, I reached the wooden base. There were still more staples to pry out. I lost count of how many I extracted altogether, but if I had to guess I'd say 902.

After taking a two day rest from the project, it was time to begin putting on the new batting & fabric. My mother offered to help me with this. Which meant she took over. In hindsight, I think she got the easy part of the project. Or at any rate, the fun part.

For the new cushion cover, I went with some fabric I'd bought several years ago, intending to make pillow cases. We began the process of stretching and stapling.

At last, the cushion was finished. It wasn't perfect, but by that point, I didn't care. 

It was on... sort of...

The original screws in the stool now wouldn't work because we'd put so much padding on this stool. They weren't long enough to keep the cushion pinned to the frame. I had to go find longer screws in our garage, and they ended up being mismatched, but IT'S OVER NOW AND NOBODY WILL KNOW.

Except you. You will know.

So that was that. And I even had enough material left over to make a pillow case!

But I'm done with furniture projects, now. Really. Over it.

Until the next Flea Market Flip marathon, anyway....

Riding In The Car With My Mother

Me: Hey, should we open the moon roof?

Her: Moon roof?

Me: You know, like, the sun roof. Except it's nighttime, so it's a moon roof.

Her: No! Then I'll be cold!

Me: I just meant the slidey part, not the actual glass part.

Her: I guess.

Me: (After opening the slidey part.) Hmmm. Maybe I should just close it. You can't even see anything out that window. Not even the moon. Besides, if there's a hitchhiker* riding on the top of our car trying to scratch his way in, he'd get in sooner that way.

Her: Plus we'd be able to see him scratching, and that'd be really annoying.


*with a hook for a hand, of course.

Emmys O'12

Oh, Emmys, whatever shall I do with you? You rarely nominate the shows I love. You regularly give statues to the actors I loathe. So why do I tune in? WHY, PRAY TELL ME?

Well... because there's precious little else on.

How strange that the ceremony honoring television and how apparently awesome it is happened to follow a week in which the shows I enjoy watching were all strangely absent from the schedule. Antiques Roadshow? Not on; I think PBS was doing another pledge week. Auction Kings? Not on. I don't know why. Community? Not even a rerun to be had. Downton Abbey? Oh, it was on... IN GREAT BRITAIN. Fudge, I can't even have my share of lords, ladies, butlers, and scandalous scullery maids? In conclusion, why couldn't they schedule that National TV Turnoff Week for, well... now?

But where was I? Right. The Emmys. The show that rarely gets things right. I know, I complain every year, but someone has to speak up! 

So even though I have little respect for the Emmy award, the Emmy show is still pretty... well, not entertaining, but more like... mildly un-boring.

Let's talk about this year's show and awards.

Highlights

*Danny Strong winning & accepting his writing award. OMG Danny Strong! Buffy! Gilmore Girls! Those L&C promos from the summer of '96! We love you Danny! I'm sorry I haven't thought about you in eight years!

*Ricky Gervais. I'm not sure I can ever stop loving that guy. (Side note: EVERY time he presents at an award show, and I sit there giggling, my mom goes, "Who is that guy? I've never seen him before." This is like the 4th time that's happened.)

*I had no idea who Aaron Paul was, but how cute is he?

*Claire Danes presenting an award, and then winning. (Side note II: The first time she came on stage, and they made it very clear she was pregnant, I said to my mom: "Know who that is?" "Who?" "Beth from Little Women." "Wow, she's all grown up!" Twenty minutes later Claire is back, and my mom doesn't remember her from before, and asks me why on earth that lady would be wearing a gown that was so baggy on her. Which is funny, because, well, see below....)

*Them playing part of the Downton Abbey spoof from Jimmy Fallon, which I think is hilarious even after multiple viewings.

*Michael J. Fox getting a standing ovation for... I guess... being there? Being awesome? He is rather awesome.

Semilights

*How a bunch of ladies were wearing dresses in approximately this shade of yellow:

Hey, it was fun counting them! And worrying that they might appear on stage together and blend into one big yellow mass -- or worse, look like a bunch of bananas. (P.S. One of these ladies was Claire Danes.)

*Martha Plimpton winning for best guest actress in a drama series for her work in The Good Wife. Okay, I've seen her on that show. I've also seen her on Raising Hope, in which she is incredible and should get a dozen Emmys. Yet she wins for the show in which she's just... okay. Sigh. I guess an Emmy is an Emmy, but I still think somebody's cracked.

*The Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves overture playing during the montage for drama series, and then, an hour later, Kevin Costner winning HIS award, and them NOT playing the song then. Badly done, Emmys, badly done. (Just kidding. That would have been silly. Almost as silly as playing the Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves overture during a montage of shows like Breaking Bad and Mad Men. Talk about breaking things! My poor brain.)

Lowlights

*Tom Bergeron winning the Emmy for reality TV host. Now, I cry foul. First off, for the last several years, the win has gone to the darling Jeff Probst. This year, Jeff wasn't even nominated. And then Tom swoops in for the win. This would be fine except Tom Bergeron is incredibly annoying. 

*Jon Cryer winning for comedy. His show is gross and lame, his character is not only disgusting but unfunny, and he wins a comedy award? Annnnd this is why the Emmys can bite me.

And lastly, the most grievous of Emmy mistakes...

*Lack of Colin Firth.

That I can not forgive.

There's A Trope For That - Week Of July 22nd

WTG, Emily! That was very much indeed Colin Firth in the last post! 

Here is a more recent photo:

And guess what?? This week's trope is... Colin Firth! Did you know Colin has his own tropes page? Really, he does! Go check it out!

Speaking of you-know-who, a few weeks ago I rented Girl With A Pearl Earring to watch with my mother. She asked what it was about beforehand and I told her who was in it and she agreed to give it a chance. We put it in the DVD player and Colin's name goes by, as does Scarlett Johansson's and the rest. The characters begin to appear on screen, and after a little while, there's Colin in one scene. Then another and another. Roughly half an hour goes by and my mom goes: "Wait -- is that Colin Firth?"

I can vouch for the fact that he does not wear a disguise in that movie. No funny hat or glasses. Just longer hair. My poor mother; her Firthdar is broken. 

Okay, I promise to do a slightly more legit trope next time. Until then... enjoy that picture! (I do.)

Watching The Natural...

...with my mother.

Before the movie

Mom: "Do you have a movie for us to watch? And don't say Pollyanna or Anne Of Green Gables."

Me: "Mary Poppins?"

Mom: "Nooo!'

Me: "Here. Let's watch The Natural."

Mom: "Oh, I saw this movie a long time ago. Many years ago, when your father was alive. This came out when he was alive, didn't it?"

Me: "I should hope so; it came out in the 80s."

Mom: "So he was alive then."

1/5 of the way in

Mom: "*gasp* That guy looks JUST LIKE the guy from Anne Of Green Gables!"

Me: "Um, because it is."

1/3 of the way in

Mom: "I don't remember any of this so far."

Two minutes later

Mom: "Is this not the movie where they build the baseball diamond in the cornfield?"

Me: *sigh*

Watching Pride & Prejudice...

...with my mother--

Mrs Bennett: "Blah blah blah, I just KNEW everything would turn out all right with Lydia and Wickham!  I don't care that my brother had to pay out a million tuppence for her safe return; let's plan what color taffeta she should don for the big day!  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Me: "So... I think this movie was named after her."

My Mother: "No, then it would've been called Pure Stupidity."

Lydia: "I'm the first to be married and the youngest of all of you, my sisters!  HAHAHAHA!  What a laugh!  I'm sure you're all so very jealous of me!  Rolling on the floor laughing out loud, bitches!!!1"

Me: "There are four of them and one of her.  You think they could take her?"

Mother: *nods*



--When Jane asks Elizabeth when she first started noticing she was falling in love with Mr. Darcy--

Elizabeth: "...But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley." 

My Mother: "That's kind of rude of her, isn't it?"

Me: "Well, except that by 'beautiful grounds,' she really means 'his hot wet bod.'

My Mother: "Oh, okay then, that's all right."

Yes, all right indeed.