Glossy Time Capsules #28
True Confessions
September, 1953
Price: 15 Cents
Ah, 1953. A year in which, it seems, half my relatives were born. A year in which moviegoers saw the release of Roman Holiday and Abbott and Costello Go To Mars. A year in which the #3 song on the charts was How Much Is That Doggie In The Window? (I swear, I am not making that up.)
We've previously looked at Glossy Time Capsules from the 1950s here, here, and here. Stylistically, though, True Confessions reminds me most of The American Magazine (see: 1931 and 1938 issues). Both True Confessions and American seem to be targeting young-ish women, especially those who are potentially insecure about their looks, and who enjoy reading sensational stories! Not to mention ladies who might like to earn a little extra income on the side (and who don't ask too many questions.)
There's lots of fun to be found in this issue, so let's get started with...
FASHION!
Here's a trend I never knew existed...
Scrapbook belts -- I can't even.
Riding a roller coaster with your bra exposed? You'll probably be fine. Riding a roller coaster that's gone off the rails...? Um, nice knowing ya....
BEAUTY!
Next we have the beauty ads. See if you can spot a trend...
Halo is "made with a special ingredient" -- okay... but what?
Mum contains "M-3, a scientific discovery that actually destroys odor bacteria." What IS M-3? 2021's Google is no help.
I'll assume people of 1953 had a general idea of what "Mother's Friend" was. All I can picture is a bottle of bourbon, but that doesn't seem quite right...
Palmolive claims to contain "nature's chlorophyll." As opposed to chlorophyll from somewhere... ellllsse?
This new "action proof" formula -- what IS it?
"Magic"? "Miraculous?" You wish! Actually, it's the SCIENTIFICALLY CORRECT WAY, and don't even try to argue with science, fools.
Jean Simmons posing for this picture = she recommends this soap. Because yes. That's how recommendations work.
Meanwhile, what's with the cat? I just Googled "is there a cat in The Robe?" and Google had nothin'. (I'd know the answer myself, but on the day my class watched this movie, I was breaking into the health room in search of some little green pills.)
WHY WERE PEOPLE BRUSHING THEIR TEETH WITH CHLOROPHYLL IN 1953 I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
"Oh, my! You caught me! I was just sneaking off to the ladies room! Not because I need to change my maxi pad... heavens, no... but because nature calls, and it's going to take me at least ten minutes to push aside all this fabric and fur and random raincoats, and yes, of course I'll take off my gloves before I use the facilities, how dare you even ask that? Care to join me?"
Modess... because if you're smart about your choice of maxi pad, you can be an idiot about literally everything else.
ARTICLES!
Most of the articles in this magazine focus on domestic issues. And yeah, they're a little... dated. Like... horrifically so.
Check it out -- it's ATAI, 1953 edition!
No, Mrs. Kelly. You are not the A.
And now... the most invasive (pervasive?) thing in this magazine....
SCHEMES!
True Confessions spent many a page trying to convince its readers to start side hustles.
There were the ones you'd expect, like cosmetics sales...
But then there were some stranger ones. Some ads wanted ladies to sign up to receive dresses or other articles of clothing. The ladies were to model these out in the real world, then take orders from their friends, who of course would want the dresses too. They claimed you didn't have to buy anything up front, but I do wonder....
But the biggest money maker, or so they wanted the ladies of 1953 to believe, was GREETING CARDS.
Wouldn't you think, after the sixth ad in the same issue, readers MIGHT start to think "Hmmm, perhaps this particular venture has already passed its prime...?"
OH well.
Look! We have...
LITERATURE STORIES!
I can never read (er, finish) these things, but the pictures & captions always make me LOL.
Yikes, that came out of nowhere!
Quick, distract my eyes with some 1950's home decor!
Quick, take it away!
All right, enough of that. It's time for...
NEAT STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY!!!!
(or send away for!)
12 for a dollar? Were these handi-towelettes, or...?
Yeah. That sounds just disgusting enough to be "effective."
Greyhound's terrible, don't do it!
This must be where dentists get the rings for their prize boxes!
And now -- with the image of Honey Bumps seared into your brain and mine -- I say goodbye. Until next time!
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