Glossy Time Capsules #35
Ebony
February, 1975
Price: 75 cents
(TW: Health/body image issues)
Today we're looking at an issue of Ebony from 1975. Barbara Jordan's on the cover, and there's lots of vintage goodness (and cringyness) inside. This is my first time featuring Ebony on GTC, and it is to my recollection my first time reading an issue. I know I'm not the target audience (and I certainly wasn't in 1975, since I was negative years old at the time) but I'm not the target for Family Circle either, and I can't seem to leave that one alone. But if anyone wiser than I am sees something that is insensitive and should be removed, please leave a comment below.
Now let's check this out.
Almost immediately, we come to the Letters To The Editor, which address the topics of issues past. Apparently there was a feature on The Jackson 5 in a previous issue of Ebony, and it made a lot of people think.
Erika is inspired, L. Hill is impressed, and Sherri Woods asks the truly important questions. (How WERE your grades, Michael, hmmm? Oh, right, literally no one cares. Except Sherri.)
No pressure, Jerusha. None at all.
(Spoiler alert: Jerusha went in another direction, but then I don't know why anyone should expect a person to choose a career at age 4. I'm looking at you, Jack.)
Meanwhile, in 1970s music...
Get rufusized!
Jell-O!
Hello.
I'm pretty sure this is the first magazine I've covered that featured an ad for condoms. Achievement unlocked!
Annnd there's another achievement unlocked.
Better drink up, because THIS is what's for dinner tonight...
Or would you rather have...?
Cars in 1975 were apparently shiny and humongous...
Except when they were "elegant" and "sensible."
Uh-oh... brain teaser time...
Hey, how about the more important question:
Can your child write POETRY with these words?!
Punch - but whisper -
For the misty chicken cometh
Zigzag! Clutch the fuzzy napkin!
As liquid consumes the velvet camel
D'aw. Milkshake, fries, and nary a masked hamburger-snatcher or a purple gumdrop in sight.
Meanwhile, in 1970s home decorating...
"Are you drinking enough water? This helpful chart may be able to tell you."
Yellow seemed to be the color of the year...
All right. Time to get serious with some articles!
I hate it when you go somewhere to regain health and then just drop dead.
They weren't exactly a "new group" in 1975, but as Earth, Wind and Fire had yet to drop this gem, I guess you could argue they were, in the grand scheme of things, just getting started.
Meanwhile, schools were in trouble.
What was the biggest menace facing schools in 1975?
To find out, hop on the rollercoaster... and just you WAIT for the whiplash-inducer that IS Paragraph 3!
(School inequity is a problem, too, but they kind of just mention it in passing.)
Look, I'm not saying the school playground wasn't "bossed by a local gang" or that dope wasn't being "peddled in nearby stores" and of course no one likes broken windows, but...
THIS? THIS WAS YOUR MOST CONCERNING ISSUE IN FEBRUARY OF 1975?
Okay, okay, so it was an annoying problem, sure. But the writer says he has a solution, so let's hear it!
So... what you're saying is... every school should have a strong principal who's in charge and can lead the school, but... can also be easily ousted by the parents and teachers should the desire arise.
Then... let me see if I've got this straight... the principal should lay the ground rules under which the school will operate. AHA! YES! That's what our schools have been lacking -- rules!
Parents must be prepared to accept full responsibility for how their children will behave in school. No matter what else they're dealing with!
Teachers must devote every ounce of their energy to helping the children. Yes! WITH THEIR LAST AND FINAL BREATH should they croak out the pythagorean theorum with the hopes that it will reach one -- just one -- ear.
Funeral services will be held next Saturday; viewing begins at 10am.
The community! Of course.
If only everyone had read this editorial 47 years ago -- just think of the steps we might have taken to make schools perfect havens of growth, happiness, and intact infrastructure!
Nice try.
Meanwhile, in fashion...
Um, question: How many pieces do your dresses usually come in?
These are beautiful.
That white cape notwithstanding, most of these looks have come back over the years.
Of course, if you lack financial means...
... well, spend 30 hours and sew your own clothes, of course!
Or better yet, spend 3 hours reimagining your tablecloth...
And once you're wearing your groovy new digs, you might as well embark on a trip to... wherever....
Is this a come-on or a threat?
Hey!
Not so fast!
Before you go anywhere or do anything, YOUR BODY NEEDS CHANGING...
But fear not, for help is right around the corner.
No, but seriously, your skin is really weird....
And your curves could be, shall we say, curvier.
Your children need to be ditched for 4+ weeks so they can... well, you know.
Your natural hair should be hidden.
Your legs are chunky.
You have body fat okay just please stop.
Annnd you've got spots.
THE HORROR! Your SEAMS are showing!
Face it. You're a hot mess.
I have no idea why you're so sickly.
It just doesn't add up!
Okay, at least THIS ad seems positive...
Can't afford all those "self-improvement" products? Maybe you can make some extra money with these DUBIOUS CAREER OPPORTUNITIES!
And once that money comes rolling in, well, you know what to do....
It's NEAT STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY!!!
Glorious. You know you want the full set.
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