Glossy Time Capsules #31
FAMILY CIRCLE
October, 1974
Price: 33 cents
Today's issue brings us to 1974, the year of Godfather Part II, Nixon's resignation, the series finale of The Brady Bunch, and the premiere of TV's Little House On The Prairie.
I may have missed the 70s, but I certainly didn't miss the early 80s, and I recall crawling around on some extremely tacky flooring, much like this.
But it wasn't just the flooring companies that were trying to capture that God bless the color orange in all of its shades! mid-70s mood...
The shower curtain designers were in on it, too...
And the bedspread people...
And Sally McCurtains...
Or, you know, we could just put the blame in its proper place... Sears.
Whoa, it's like walking into the ReStore! It's almost as if all the people who bought homes and furniture in 1974 are now...
now...
Listen, I'm not suggesting that the owners of that furniture are all dead now, but I will say the Family Circle advertising department didn't exactly have its readers' best health interests in mind back in '74, judging by the alarming number of cigarette ads...
Lungs may have been loathed, but pets were apparently beloved in 1974. Humankind's fluffy & feathery companions not only appeared in ads for their own products, but in ads for anything and everything else...
And speaking of needlepoint, if they weren't aiming to be crafty, why did 1974 folks even get out of bed in the morning?
Not even the kids of '74 were safe from CRAFTS...
The kids were, in fact, not safe at all...
Now, remember on the cover, when this magazine promised to tell its readers how to LIVE BETTER and BEAT INFLATION?
Well, I'm not sure I want to take financial advice from these people, but for what it's worth, here's what they say you've gotta do to achieve financial bliss...
1. Reupholster your own furniture...
2. Deny your children...
3. Buy on credit...
Try these three things, and watch your bank account grow!
Just kidding. Please don't.
Meanwhile, in Women's Troubles...
Don't worry, girl. You're covered.
What a delightful array of products!
Meanwhile, in beauty & fashion...
"Hey, Carl, we need names for these hair colors, but make them terrible."
"I'm on it!"
"Generously built" really needs to make a comeback.
Ah, 1974 books... I've even heard of two of these!
Hello, creepy dolls....
"And each of our girls has a personality all her own... Mary looks so trusting. Jenny is rather wistful. Audrey has mischievous eyes. Then there's Natalie, a dimpler. Elizabeth, a real heartbreaker. And Baby Ann is, well, a baby. And now that you're acquainted, can they come over to play?
I wouldn't say I'm "acquainted" so much as "disturbed."
1974 Law: If it's a color you'd find in a hamburger fixin', it should also be the color of an appliance...
Meanwhile, in SERIOUS STUFF...
Oh, this article is going to be cringey, isn't it?
Have we come far since then?
Have we?
I can't. Here, have some 7-cent coupons....
Unfortunately, you can't use those coupons on NEAT STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY!
Memo roll? That looks like a different kind of roll...
So that's it for this issue!
Except for this kid, who you know was probably named Jeffrey, who would like to remind you to take good care of your teeth and gums!
Jeffrey is now 54 years old and a grandfather of seven.
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