Glossy Time Capsules: Bonus Post #1
Evangelizing Today's Child
1985-1994 Issues
Okay, so this magazine's a bit niche and not something I would normally add to Glossy Time Capsules. But when a relative of mine recently disposed of 30 of these magazines from the 80s and 90s, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to document some of the hilarities within.
Though information about this publication is scarce, it seems it began in the 1970s and has now been discontinued. It was aimed at church leaders, Sunday School teachers, and homeschooling parents. It was produced by CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship).
If organized religion turns you off, you might want to skip this post. If, like me, you grew up on this stuff and now want to have a few nervous laughs over it, feel free to join me...
Baptists are incapable of agreeing on whether or not dinosaurs existed and/or when, but they have no issue with using them to get kids excited about the Bible!
Although... if not dinosaurs, perhaps pirates? Nothing potentially problematic about that!
Of course, there have always been plenty of other ways to get kids excited... such as videos featuring all-white casts!
Ah, McGee & Me. Look, Nicholas had one black friend, okay? Totally avant garde, that show.
That's some state-of-the-art animation, right there.
What could get kids more excited about Bible-y things than an old guy doing science experiments involving... blood?
And when all else failed, there were puppets to fall back on...
So. Many. Puppets.
Sometimes the Bible WAS the puppet... or the puppet was the Bible... or...
... whatever it was, it was a holy abomination indeed.
Few people know this, but Howard The Duck was a major figure in 1980s child evangelism. At least until the movie came out, at which point he was banned from churches everywhere.
Churches were all about welcoming the kids, though, just about any day/time of the week.
When I was really little, my parents left me in the church nursery....
Our church had these cribs throughout my childhood. Bunk bed cribs! Never a dull moment.
After I turned two, there was Sunday School on Sunday mornings. We either went to one or two sessions of it.
Sunday School was fine, usually. We got playtime, snacks, coloring pages, and stories. And also flannelgraphs...
And of course, in order to make the most use out of flannelgraphs, you needed...
Instead of two sessions of Sunday School, we might do one session of Sunday School and one session of Children's Church, which was more of a mixed-age thing.
Sunday evenings, we might have a special kids' program or we might opt to go to Children's Choir instead. If we went to Children's Choir, we might eventually put on a show like this...
In the summer, there was VBS (Vacation Bible School), usually held at the church over the course of a week.
There might be also Good News Clubs and Backyard Bible Clubs in the summers, or maybe even on successive Saturdays...
WHAT??? I can't believe we've spent all this energy over the years trying to figure out whether or not Adam and Eve had navels, or what color of skin they had. What we should have been focused on was: "Did Adam part his hair on the right, or the left?"
YOU GUYS. IT WAS THE LEFT!
There were also Pioneer Clubs on Wednesday Nights...
Pioneer Clubs was kind of like a cross between Awana and Girl/Boy Scouts. I participated in it from 1st-5th grade and I totally loved it.
Beyond that, there was Bible Study at the church on Tuesday mornings and a special program for kids up to 5 years old.
Sometimes we got neat prizes...
So Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Tuesday mornings, and Wednesday nights. But some parents went that extra mile....
So that's that for things that relate to my childhood experiences. Now let's check out what else this magazine had to offer...
Well, there were ads...
Serious "We died 100 years ago this very night!" vibes up there.
There were teaching materials...
Clockwise, from left to right:
"You can't make us wear masks!"
"YOU stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"
"Cross carved from a single piece of wood, artist unknown - circa 32 ADE."
"The cave of wonnnndahhhss!"
Clockwise, from left to right:
"Richard Kimble!?!"
"Heart... and/or peach."
"You've heard of the Wordless Book, but have you heard of the Wordless Word?"
"Surprise, Billy, we're actually your grandparents! Sad story, actually...."
More ads...
Jason, sit down....
Well that was a trip. I hope you enjoyed it even a little bit! And I hope, like me, you're able to laugh at the absurdities of it all.
Whatever; I had a mostly good childhood. Like these kids...!
And so begins another episode of The Kingdom Chums....
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