Glossy Time Capsules #19
Disney Adventures
July, 1992
Price: $1.95
I would like to propose that this issue of Disney Adventures is the most 1992 thing in existence. All it's missing is a photo of Bill Clinton playing the saxophone.
Bad touch, Ursula! Bad!
And we get it. Free Villain Cards. (Although someone had already removed them from my copy. C'mon!)
Video game ads in this magazine all seemed to follow one rule: Take a word from either the property's title, or it's main focus, then make a pun out of it.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
My family never had the Hook game, but the description of it sounds amazing:
"Enemies include Hook's henchmen, as well as ghosts, zombies, and monkeys that throw bananas at the player."
Most of the other ads were pretty lame...
Can YOU name two of the nine planets? Isn't it interesting that two of the planets in our solar system start with M, which is the initial letter in the product we're selling? Okay, yes, two heavenly bodies in our solar system start with S, too, but whatever you do, don't tell the people over at Skittles! They might copy our BRILLIANT IDEA!!!
Well, that's just not very nice.
"BEAUTiful love story? See what we did there?"
The folks at Disney Adventures thought its readers must really like movies, because half the magazine, it seems, is devoted to telling us about what movies are coming out, either in theaters or on video.
Ah, yes. Back when Tom Hanks was still obscure enough to be referred to as "Tom (Big) Hanks."
As for Ma (Like A Virgin) Donna, no additional explanation was necessary.
I read this three times, thinking it had to be a joke. Batman and Ninja Turtles cereals? Sure, okay. Addams Family? Maybe. But Robin Hood: Princes Of Thieves cereal? Oh man, it really did exist!!
Okay, let's do a quick count: Batman, Batman Returns, A League Of Their Own, Pinocchio, Honey I Blew Up The Kid, Cool As Ice, The Addams Family, Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Rocketeer, Hot Shots, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Wayne's World... 13 movies so far.
Oh, but there's more! One of the articles spent a lot of time showcasing movie villains...
To be fair, that guy was pretty awesome.
Movies mentioned: 101 Dalmations, Star Wars, The Wizard Of Oz, Hook.
The letters to the editor are cringingly cute...
And the eco-raps are pretty brilliant...
Word, says Karen.
Ah, the sweet innocence of 1992, when our biggest ecological concerns were "not cutting down trees" and "recycling."
Which celebrities celebrate their birthdays in July?
Only males, apparently! Sorry, Anjelica Huston. No cake for you.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer! Ah, Luke Perry. R.I.P. Meanwhile, Jason Priestley's movie, as yet untitled, would turn out to be Calendar Girl. And I wonder what Staci Keanan's up to now?
From Wikipedia:
By 2019, Keanan became a Deputy District Attorney in the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office.
Not bad.
Heck yes, contests!
Kids of today, you'll just have to trust us that all these prizes were extremely appealing.
The magazine had a fair amount of games & activities...
And then, of course, there were articles...
We can't even get a minor science lesson in this magazine without a movie being mentioned!
Disney Adventures always had comics. In this one we get Darkwing Duck!
Did you enjoy this issue of Disney Adventures? Why, then, you should totally subscribe!
And you don't want to miss next month...
Uh, has anyone seen Rick Moranis lately?
...
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