Friday, May 27, 2011

Baby, Baby

Congratulations to my cousins Emily & Thom on their newest baby girl!

Meanwhile, there are no babies in my immediate future. Because according to makemebabies.com (which, as we all know, is the ultimate source of knowledge), my future offspring are destined to be pretty hideous.


And that's with Leonardo DiCaprio. Imagine if I mated with some average schmo? Disaster!

Then again, maybe this website's babymaking program isn't really that... well, accurate...

I  mean, according to them, a match between me and Colin Firth would produce:


Though I suppose two white people producing a black child is about as likely as a match between me and Colin Firth occurring in the first place.

But hey, a girl can dream.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Why, Grandmother Willow, Why?!?


You know, I know this doesn't matter in the scheme of the universe or anything, but I just feel like sharing my latest observation: The iPhone's compass feature is a piece of crap.


Yeah.  I opened the ap, set my phone on a solid, still table and... the compass thingy just spins. First it tells me north is that way... then, oops, now it's over there! 

The geek in me wants to throw out a Pocahontas reference right now, but the realist in me figures no one would get it. 

Eh, I'll do it anyway.

POCAHONTAS!!!!1

Suffice it to say, if a spinning compass means that Christian Bale is sailing his way over here as we speak, I really have nothing to complain about.  Though if I ever get lost in the woods and neither my iPhone nor Christian Bale saves me, I will be right ticked.


I love you, Christian.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Films... OF THE FYUTCHAH!

Good evening, friends and countrymen. It kind of seems like every other post on here is about Movies I'm Looking Forward To (But Possibly Dreading Also).  Last year we had Ramona, Robin Hood, and... um... stuff.  Oh yeah, and Tangled.  And they all turned out all right.

As of today, I am looking forward to:

Batman 3: (aka The Dark Knight Rises)

Dear Christopher Nolan,
I know you have this thing about using actors you've used before.  I mean, Inception was a carnivale of Batman Begins actors, yes, har har, I get it.  And I see Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Thomas Hardy have already been cast in Batman 3.  But please, for the love of all things good, do not cast E. Page.  Not as Poison Ivy, not as Batgirl, not as anything.  I had a hard enough time sitting through Katie Holmes in the first one.  The trend of casting whiny, sarcastic thespians must end!  THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
Thank you,
Me


Superman Reboots: (aka Superman: The Man Of Steel)
Kevin Costner as Jonathan Kent!?!
(*ahem*)
Kehhh-vin Costner
Kehhh-vin Costner
Kevincostner
Kevincostner
Ke-vi-ihn Cost-NER!
I'm going to be so ticked if they change that.  So ticked.


Indiana Jones 5
Well, I'm torn on this one.  On one hand, I'd love for there to be this totally kickass 5th movie that would make everyone forget the 4th one even existed.  And I love Indy merchandise, so bring it on.  BUT... maybe they should just stop, because... yeah, really, they should just stop.


Tiger Eyes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1748260/
Dude, I knew they were going to make this some time, but I had no idea it was already DONE!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!  I'm so excited. I wish I knew when it was coming out.  AUGH! *dies*


Harry Potter 7b (aka Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II)
Must find out how it ends, of course.
Will, or will not, Daniel Radcliffe don a mustache and play his "older self"? I MUST KNOW.
But then it will all be over and I will be sad.



And... I think that may be all.  For now.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Scattered Childhood Memories #4: New House (and a dash of freakiness)

I was three and a half when we moved into this house. My parents searched and searched for the right place, and when they found it, they were overjoyed. We were staying/living at my grandparents' house at the time. They had a big box of wooden blocks I liked to play with. The day my parents finally decided on "the house," my dad told me all about it. We were sitting in my grandparents' living room, and my dad used the blocks to make a model of "the house". He used blue blocks to represent the doors. "See? There are stairs here. One set goes up, and one set goes down." Ooooh.

Sometime after that, my dad took me to the house itself, just me and him. We parked across the street and entered through the garage. He took me upstairs and showed me the three bedrooms. "This one will be yours," he said. He didn't try to explain that I'd gotten this one because it was the second-largest room (the largest one going to my parents, and the third-largest going to my baby brother.) Instead, he said, "I thought you should have this one because of the neat lightswitch -- look!" 

And there it was. A lightswitch that was not ordinary. It was not one of those little stick-out ones that you flip up or down like I was used to. It was rectangular, with a slight bend in the middle. It was flattish. Clap on, clap off. "And the best part?" He turned the light off -- and there, on the top half, was a ball of glowing orange. A nightlight! This thing was a freaking nightlight!

The nightlight glowed throughout most of my childhood. As a young teenager, it began to dim and flicker, but it held on. By the time I graduated high school, however, it had gone dark. So it goes. I decorated the lightswitch with stickers and went off to college and came back and barely gave it two thoughts anymore. Except... sometimes it was hard to find it -- I mean, the lightswitch -- in the dark. Sometimes my hand would fumble all over the wall, searching for it. You'd think after twenty-odd years, I'd be able to locate it blindfolded, no problem, but nay -- I tend to get a bit disoriented in the dark. At some point along the way, my mind seemingly forgot that there used to be a light there to guide me. Light: a distant memory.

And then came this morning.

When I got out of bed and went to turn on the light, I saw it -- a flicker. An orange flickery glow.

I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me. Maybe it was the sunlight dancing off my mirror. Maybe... maybe I was still dreaming....

I cupped my hands around the lightswitch and peered at it as best I could in my early-morning spectacle-less state. And as I watched, the light began to glow brighter.

Convinced the whole thing was about to burst into flames, I quickly turned on the light (thus eliminating the nightlight portion), and have kept it on since. Well, shoot, you can't be too careful, can you?

But then I got to thinking how strange my reaction was. And how strange the situation was. Isn't it funny? Something can be dead and gone for years and then suddenly -- it's back. I know it's just a nightlight, but darnit if I can't turn everything into some kind of metaphor. I'm an English major, after all. It's what we do. And in this instance, I can't help but think of this light-revival as some kind of minor miracle. Miracles, I believe, happen regularly. But many times, we dismiss them. We look the other way. We come up with some semi-rational scientific explanation for 'em.

Or we run screaming.

And why is that? Is it too hard to believe that something might actually be happening around us that's GOOD? That's special? That's beyond earthly explanation, but hey, who needs explanations? Why do we fear these things so much?

I know it's just an tiny, flickering orange light. But I want to believe it means something more.


Edit: Well, it turned out it did mean something more. It meant we had a busted transformer on a nearby power pole that was causing power surges throughout our house. A few other wonky things prompted us to call the power company. After they came out and replaced a part, the nightlight stopped glowing once again.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Wizard Trip


So the other day my friend Jenn and I took a roadtrip to Seattle. Since we live in Portland, this wasn't an incredibly wacky undertaking -- totally doable, really -- it's just that neither of us had ever done it by ourselves before. Seattle is a big city. I have a penchant for getting lost while driving, especially in big cities.  I can imagine it's probably pretty easy to get lost in Seattle ("hey, didn't we just pass this?" "no, that was one of the other 5,291 Starbuckses.") But luckily, we had a few things going for us -- one, Jenn had a GPS, and two, I spent three months in Seattle a few years back... and if there's one thing I learned from that experience, it's this: If you can find the Space Needle, you can find the Pacific Science Center. Which, it just so happens, was our destination.

For the past few months, the PSC has been hosting a Harry Potter exhibit.  The exhibit has been all over the country, and Seattle was its last traveling stop.  So, yeah, I'm a big fan Harry Potter.  Not Big McLargehuge, but still pretty big. I don't go to the movies on opening night, nor have I ever worn a costume to a book premier party... however, I did get books #4-7 on release day.  And I've read them all multiple times.  And... I doubt you care. Okay, moving on, all I'm saying is I Love Teh Potter, and so I wanted to go to this.





And since so many other people had the same idea, everyone had to purchase tickets with a specific entry time stamped on them. We got 11:15. At the designated time, were herded into a building with about 40 other people. Three volunteers were selected to be sorted by the noble Sorting Hat.  Two Gryffindors and a Hufflepuff later, we entered the exhibit area.

It was a walkthrough exhibit, full of props, costumes, posters, and pieces of scenery from the movies. Some notable pieces included: Harry's four-poster bed (which looked alarmingly tiny), that giant creepy clown from the third movie, and the sorcerer's stone, which looked just as shiny and rubyesque as it did in the first Potter film.

The costumes were less impressive -- having all been worn, and, perhaps, because they'd already been moved/displayed so many times, they looked pretty faded and sad.  Even so, it was pretty neat to be able to stand next to a headless mannequin wearing a "Harry Potter Year 1" costume, and then, a few minutes later, stand next to one for Year 7, and realizing how much Daniel Racliffe really changed in that time span. (We were commenting on how it didn't seem like it had indeed been 10 years. But yikes. So it had.) And, of course, there was the outfit worn by one Mr. Robert Pattinson in movie #4, which we could not help but swoon over.  ahem.

The walkthrough's exit led right into a gift shop (surprise!) full of mostly-over-priced Harry Potter merchandise. We both agreed that a $170 tiny Triwizard Cup replica just wasn't in our budget, nor was a $50 sweatshirt or a $45 hat.  And so we left, exited into the sunlight (such as it is in Seattle this time of year), and spent the next few hours having Potter-less fun around the PSC and the Seattle Center. We walked through a butterfly pavilion, watched banana taffy being pulled, and wandered by a creepy, abandoned amusement park.



 Accio money bin full of gold!


In the end, I'm not convinced the Harry Potter exhibit was entirely worth the trip and the ticket price ($30 each for that and admission to the PCS, plus about $40 for gas and $15 for parking), but roadtripping with a friend can not be beat. Those five hours in Seattle were fun, and we can now proudly say we've driven there and back by ourselves. An impressive feat indeed.  (You know, if you're easily impressed.)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Favorite TV Shows: January, 2011 Edition

Back in the days of yore (and by yore, I mean high school) I used to list my favorite TV shows (in order, natch) in my diary.  I'd do an entry for this every so often -- sometimes within a matter of weeks, sometimes months.  Certain shows held their places firmly over time, some new ones got added, and others were discarded and forgotten.  It's funny to read those entries now and see what shows I was watching as a teenager.  Annnnd also a little embarrassing.  But you know what?  I haven't made one of those lists in a long, long time.  So darnit, I'm going to do one.  Are you ready?

My Top 5 Shows That Are Currently Airing (Or Have Aired Within The Past 6 Months), Regardless Of Whether Or Not I'm Caught Up With All The Episodes...

1. Castle
2. Community
3. America's Next Top Model
4. Antiques Roadshow
5. Burn Notice

What The Above List Would've Looked Like If I'd Written It A Year Ago...

1. Jeopardy
2. The Office
3. Robin Hood
4. Survivor
5. The Amazing Race

My Top 5 Shows That Have Aired Episodes In The Past Decade, But Aren't On Anymore...

1. Wonderfalls
2. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
3. Extras
4. Robin Hood
5. Gilmore Girls

My Top 5 Shows That Haven't Aired In Ages But That I Own On DVD Or Watch In Some Other Way And Still Really Enjoy...

1. Lois & Clark
2. The Pretender
3. Mystery Science Theater 3000
4. Ducktales
5. Full House

My Top 5 Classic Shows That Aired Before I Was Old Enough To Really Watch Or Appreciate Them, But That Amuse Me Now...

1. Quantum Leap
2. Road To Avonlea
3. Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries
4. Star Trek: The Next Generation
5. Little House On The Prairie (well, I did watch it as a kid, but it frightened me. not so much now.)

Favorite Genres/Types Of Shows:
*Set In the Olden Days
*Action/Adventure
*Shows About Extraordinary People
*Shows About Ordinary People In Extraordinary Situations
*Cornball/Hammy
*Humorous Sci-Fi
*Absurd
*Romantic Comedy
*Sitcoms Without Laugh Tracks

Sunday, January 23, 2011

indiana jones and the adventures of the holy sippy cup

I love Rifftrax, and I love Indiana Jones (well, Last Crusade, at least. Okay, the others are all right. Except for... oh, nevermind.)  So when the folks at Riffrax decided to run a contest for a remixed riff of... well, something, I decided to bask in the awesomeness that IS the "finding the grail" scene.  Once I had picked out the scene, I had to extract Riffs from various... uh, tracks... which meant I had to listen to them first, to decide what bits of audio would work for my project.  I ended up listening (or, in most cases, re-listening) to the audio tracks for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Titanic, Spider-Man, The Dark Knight, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Twilight, 300, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Heroes: Episode 1-2, and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  All within the span of about 10 days.  Even after all that, I still didn't feel like I had enough, so I downloaded The Sixth Sense and Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring and listened to those as well.  I'm not saying I'm not psychotic.  I'm just asking you not to judge.  I mean, it was for a contest, okay?  I could win.  Not that I even care anymore, now that my frain is bried.

Oh yeah, here's the video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7n2zKeQBYc
Enjoy, please.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

In The Hood 2: The Hoodquel

Last May, I talked about wanting to see Robin Hood, starring Mr. Russell Crowe, and how I was afraid I'd dislike it, thanks to Mr. Russell Crowe.


Well, I finally got around to renting it, and I must say... I liked it.  Which is not to say R.C. has totally redeemed himself -- he still has that "Oh, just love me, love me do!" expression on his face all the time, which is kind of obnoxious.  But there's this one scene where he totally rides in and saves the day, and Marion's all "Wooeee baby!" and, admittedly, I also made such an exclamation.  Speaking of Marion, Cate Blanchett made me forget about her part in Indiana Jones 4.  So we'll just wipe that off her slate and call it good, mmkay?

Now, what of the plot?  It's really more of a Robin Hood Begins kind of movie.  Or... it would be if Robin wasn't about 47.6 years old. That's not what I'd call any kind of beginning, unless you happen to be Methuselah or Old Rose from the Titanic.  In that case, I guess Russell Crowe would be considered an infant by comparison.  But where was I going with this?  Oh yeah, so the whole movie shows us how Robin went from being a soldier in the Crusades to becoming an outlaw.  In the BBC show, that took roughly one episode.  In the Kevin Costner movie, it took 20 minutes.  In the Disney movie, he already was an outlaw.  So I guess it's kind of interesting to see more about that progression and...

Oh, yawn, who am I kidding?  I want to see Robin robbing the rich, assisted by merry men and clever booby traps, darnit!!  When this movie ended, even after 2 hours, I was like, "But... but wait!  No!  Why are there credits here?  It's not over!  Curse you, Ridley Scott!"  Speaking of Ridley Scott, did you know he was the executive producer of Monkey Trouble?  I don't know what that has to do with anything, I'm just saying.

Overall, it was a fine version of the beloved story, and what it lacked in hot guys, it made up for in music and cinematography.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Watching Pride & Prejudice...


...with my mother--


Mrs Bennett: "Blah blah blah, I just KNEW everything would turn out all right with Lydia and Wickham!  I don't care that my brother had to pay out a million tuppence for her safe return; let's plan what color taffeta she should don for the big day!  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Me: "So... I think this movie was named after her."

My Mother: "No, then it would've been called Pure Stupidity."



Lydia: "I'm the first to be married and the youngest of all of you, my sisters!  HAHAHAHA!  What a laugh!  I'm sure you're all so very jealous of me!  Rolling on the floor laughing out loud, bitches!!!1"

Me: "There are four of them and one of her.  You think they could take her?"

Mother: *nods*



--When Jane asks Elizabeth when she first started noticing she was falling in love with Mr. Darcy--

Elizabeth: "...But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley." 

My Mother: "That's kind of rude of her, isn't it?"

Me: "Well, except that by 'beautiful grounds,' she really means 'his hot wet bod.'

My Mother: "Oh, okay then, that's all right."



Yes, all right indeed.