Saturday, May 8, 2010

In the Hood

So I'm looking forward to a few movies this year. One of them is Robin Hood, starring Russell Crowe.

When I first heard about it, I thought it would surely suck, at least for me.  For one thing, I've had an unexplained loathing of Russell Crowe ever since Russell Crowe started being Russell Crowe. Poor Russell's never had a chance to redeem himself in my eyes for the crime of being... well, him... because I've pretty much avoided all his films since, oh, 1997.  Also, originally Sienna Miller was rumored to be playing Maid Marian.  I dislike her on principle alone.  So that gave me two reasons to run in the other direction.

But dangit, I happen to like the concept of Robin Hood.  The Disney movie, the Kevin Costner movie, the BBC TV series o' eye candy, I love em all.  And from what I could tell, this new movie would be by-the-book Robin Hood.  Maybe even more edgy.  Certainly more promising than the Tom Cruise/Ben Stiller-proposed flick about the Hardy Boys all grown up, Hardy Men.  (If that one ever sees the light of day, there will be blood.)  But with the new Robin Hood?  No blasphemous potential, far as I could tell.

And now, as the opening of 2010's Robin Hood approaches, we're being given trailers and production stills to pore over.  One can only wonder... what will the movie really be like?  Let's take a look at some of the photos and consider what we see.

Here we have Russell Crowe.
Channeling David Morse...?

Or perhaps Gerard Butler...?
Either one is fine, really.

Robin Hood's love interest is played by Cate Blanchett, who will forever be embedded in my mind as Irena Spalko, from the last Indiana Jones movie.

That's not a good thing.

"Why, 'twasn't I who ruined the last Indiana Jones film!  It was that rogue Shia LeBeouf!  And the monkeys!  Oh, and also the script!"

"Land sakes, I have man boobs!  Who am I supposed to be, anyway?"

Mother Superior disapproves.

"Like my crown bonnet?  Stays on in the wind!  So very practical!"

"My horse is taller than your horse."
"Aw, shut up.  I'll trade you!"

Ricky Gervais IS Friar Tuck

"So sexy and handsome am I.  And yet so diabolical.  I seriously do believe I love me!"

Which reminds me.  Can ANY Prince John/Sheriff of Nottingham/Guy of Gisborne/Robin Hood villain be more awesome than Alan Rickman? 
No.  No they can not.

In conclusion, I present two Robin Hood posters: one from the newest film, and one from Prince of Thieves.

I have to say, the Kevin Costner poster kicks ass in the poster-ass-kicking department.  I mean, look at the two of them.  Kevin Costner's going, "Eat this fiery arrow, $&@#-%&@!!"  Russell looks like he's hunting wabbit.

So yeah, I'm still not quite sure about this new movie.  But I reserve the right to eat my words after seeing it.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll end up loving it.  And maybe I'll end up loving Russell Crowe, too!



Amy said...

Molly! You are SO freaking hilarious. This post totally made my morning and I laughed hysterically all the way through it as I read it aloud to Patrick.

I swear, I could've written the first paragraph myself and am so relieved to find another soul who understands my inexplicable dislike for Russell Crowe. I have been trying to explain to Patrick for months why I don't like him and haven't been able to do it sufficiently. You have put it into the words that I couldn't find!!

Your picture captions had us rolling on the floor...

mylaellison said...

Thanks, Amy! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. :) The sad news is, if I end up liking Robin Hood I'll probably have to go watch Gladiator and A Beautiful Mind, too. Sigh. Oh well, at least I'll always have my inexplicable dislike of Josh Hartnett and Colin Farrell.