From Port To Port

Today we're driving from Portland, Oregon, to Port Angeles, Washington. 230 miles o'fun.

When it's not raining, there's a really nice view out the car window...

There's an even better one inside....

Heh heh heh

Four hours later, we arrive in Port Angeles!

I should tell you a bit about Port Angeles. P.A. is famous for several things, notably:

*It's the place that has the ferries that can take you to Victoria, British Columbia,

annnnd

*Bella and her chums went there in Twilight. (More on that later....)

I myself am here because I'm visiting my aunt and uncle, who live in town. My mom's with me. We come here every year or two, only I can't remember when the last time was, but whatever, moving on....

 My aunt & uncle have a cat & a dog...

They are both adorable, as dogs and cats ought to be.

On our first full day in Port Angeles, my mom and aunt want to paint rocks and birdhouses.

So we paint!

Behold the as-yet-unfinished rock of strawberry non-glory!

That evening, we go for a walk -- my mom, my uncle, the dog, and I.

I'm carrying my camera.

I see an eagle!

And an airplane!

 My mom, my uncle, and the dog totally leave me behind...

:(

The next day, my mom, my aunt and I venture into the main part of Port Angeles...

Oh hey, what's this?

HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Didn't that used to be....

Twilight shop, noooooo!

I wrote about the place in 2010. And now it is no more. 

Moment of silence for the Twilight shop....

Surprisingly, the only Twilighty thing I see in the whole town this visit is a postcard that says "Welcome to Forks" It has a photo of the high school and a red pickup. Sort of sad.

We have lunch at this great place, I forget its name--

A Roy Rogers -- yum!

While waiting for our food, I play around with the macro settings on my camera...

...and we watch some football on the telly.

That evening, after dinner, we visit a nearby playground. And you know me -- I take pictures...

And why, yes, I did manage to injure myself! Twice!

Sadly, we leave Port Angeles the next day. The drive home is pleasant....

I am even allowed to get out of the car a few times and take photos.

Washington drivers are a fun bunch...

Hey, put those paws on 10 and 2, dog!

After a four hour drive, we are back in Portland. The past few days have been peaceful, but fun.

Next travel adventure destination: Minneapolis! 

Better Homes & WTFery: 1970s Edition (Part 2)

And we're back! With more goofy ads from the 1970s (specifically 1974). Are you ready? I am so ready.

(For those who missed it, here's Part 1)

Well, I think we've found the softer side of Sears.

17 luscious colors, from delicate turquoise to deep avocado gold.

Avocado Gold. The nicer way of saying "mashed peas."

Avocado Gold actually goes really well with pink, you know....

Speaking of luscious colors...

I had to have my mother explain this one to me. This is an actual thing that some older ladies do, so they look natural as they age. I guess it's like those men who shave their heads as soon as they start going bald. Oh well, all that really matters is that Mr. Barker approves!

I wonder if most people who subscribed to the Henry Honey Bear delivery system were actually having the letters sent to their enemies? Because that's just a bit creepy.

HECK YEAH PLAID PANTS! I have to say, fashions in the 70s were crazy.

And sometimes just a little too informative....

Kelly, Property of the Gallaghers

Tim, Property of the Gallaghers

And to think, if they had just one more kid, they could start building houses & hotels on them!

"Suzanne falls in the dirt practicing for running races." 

As opposed to swimming races? Walking races?

How many times has she fallen in the dirt? Have they had her checked for inner ear problems?

But more importantly, YELLOW PANTS.

If I had to wear yellow pants I'd fall down in the dirt, too, so at least they'd become a more natural-looking color (that being brown.)

Sure. Any teacher who's been at it a few years will be sure to let you know how much he/she appreciates receiving their 400TH MUG.

(Just kidding, kids. We love ya.)

Apparently the e-book revolution started early.

The weird thing? I've never head of this toy, and it should have still been around during my childhood. Googling it brings back nothing except a picture of the ad you see here. The only information I could find was the fact that the toy was trademarked in 1975 and that the trademark was cancelled in 1981. Intriguing.

I like to imagine that the reason I can't find anything about this is because the device was taken off the store shelves. The reason? Well, the stories it told would start out perfectly well: "Once upon a time there was a cute little bunny..." etc. etc. 

But they would all inevitably end in murder and mayhem.

Also, maybe parents just weren't ready to be replaced by machines yet?

Say what you want about technology ruining us, but at least one thing has improved since the dawn of the internet... emoticons are now free! None of this $2 crap. 

That said, what expressions are these 5 smileys supposed to be illustrating?

Top left - Tired, maybe bored?

Top right - Slightly sleazy; checkin' out the lllladies!

Middle - Drunk. Also missing a pupil; not sure what that's about.

Botton Left - Scared of the smiley in the middle, obv.

Bottom Right - Trying to wink sexily. Failing.

If by "eat it up" you mean "use it as a doorstop," then yes, I guess you would be correct.

Ah, Graceful Swan. Order now, and we'll also send you Swan Song, who forecasts death.

Stay groovy, everyone!

Better Homes & WTFery: 1970s Edition (Part 1)

OMG you guys... I'm so excited....

Do you know why I'm excited? Hint: it's not because of the ponies. Or the fact that it's an old magazine (I have lots of old magazines.)

I'm excited because this magazine is from the 1970s!!

The beautiful, orangey, plastic, kitschy, plaid-in-all-the-wrong-places 1970s!!

Join me in my time machine and let's visit (or revisit) this wacky, tacky land...

Together.

OKAY, LET'S STOP.

I'm one of those people who doesn't mind Miracle Whip on the occasional sandwich, but this is making me ill. Has anyone tried this? Miracle Whip and pineapple and red things that might be cherries? If so, please let me know how that turned out.

Wheat Hearts. Now available in all-new flavors, including Wheat Brains and Wheat Kidneys. Enjoy.

Have a golden day, ya hippie.

They will never melt. Or get mushy. EVER. This kid still eats the ones his mother made 40 years ago. She died in 1992, but the Knox Blox live on.

OH HECK YES. Found something I can't make fun of. These were the toys I grew up with! WOE, I MISS MY YOUTH.

So beautiful.

All right, now let's talk about this. What kind of sense does this slogan make? (I believe they still use it today.) With a name like Smucker's, it has to be good. Is "smucker's" some kind of synonym for "delicious?" 

Muckers, smokers, smocks, mockers, suckers, and smacks. YUM?

Someday I'm going to invent some awesome food product and call it Xullafoo's. And its slogan will be: It is delicious because it is named Xullafoo's. 

And everyone will buy it. 

You'll see.

It gives me great comfort to know that JELL-O is just always going to be JELL-O. And with a name like JELL-O, it has to be good.

Thirty Helens agree.

I love this picture. This huge van in the middle of the desert (okay, it could be a beach) with all its doors wide open as if it suddenly became like that car from Harry Potter and just angrily ejected everyone.

Okay, so before I show you the next ad...

(P.S. Don't scroll down before reading this; you'll ruin it.)

Read this text (from the ad), and see if you can guess what product is being advertised.

Here it is:

"Like fir trees, old stockings, and chimney tops, sugar cookies have a special meaning at Christmas time. And what makes them special is not just in the cookies. Something that breathes new life into old traditions, and binds us all in a joyful holiday spirit. It makes Christmas a time for sharing."

Have you guessed what the ad is for?

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Gotta give props to the person who managed to link chimney tops to whiskey. Though I guess Santa would appreciate something besides milk and cookies every now and then. The man does work hard that one night a year.

Finally (for now) I leave you with this delightful ad, which makes me jealous and wish that I was this lady. 

She is just so lucky. I bet she also has one of those fuzzy toilet seat covers and a canopy bed with ruffles, and probably she also has a vanity table with a skirt and a heart-shaped mirror.

Though actually, I think if I could go back in time and purchase one of those shower curtains I'd go with black. 

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CLICK HERE for Part 2!

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For more retro fun, check out:

Goofy Retro Baby Ads - Part 1

Goofy Retro Baby Ads - Part 2