Glossy Time Capsules #41: Collier's - April, 1954

 Glossy Time Capsules #41

Collier's 

April, 1954

Price: 15 cents

Collier's was a general interest magazine that operated from 1888 to 1957. It had a long history that you can read about here, or you can just dive straight into this issue along with me!

Gasoline ads apparently used to try to be cute and adorable.

Oh, the 1950s. We've gotten past the fear of dying in shipwrecks, and we're back to worrying about Consumption.

Hark! We finally have the definitive answer on which toothpaste is best. Look no further!

Oh. Hang on...

Is this "lifetime protection against tooth decay enzymes" the kind of deal where you brush once and are set for life, or do you have to keep doing it, like how the Grail Knight in Last Crusade could only achieve "eternal" life if he hung around in the Canyon of the Crescent Moon and drank from the grail regularly? 

Also, Reader's Digest being an authority on a scientific topic is really funny.

Go fly a kite, Webley.

Collier's readers apparently ran the gamut between people who really wanted a basement bargain...

... and people who wanted to live in the bargaining basement...

Run, Gallagher employees, run!

They thought this actress might be the next Marilyn Monroe.

Spoiler alert: She was not.

The men in booth 13 are awfully close. Respect.

Hy-Styling. Hy-Drive.

TWO brake cylinders?!

Most commodious!

Beer and ale -- America's beverages of moderation.

The hell they are.

Preferred by your friendly neighborhood douche canoe.

Relateable.

That's the face of a woman who's just run over her lousy husband and is headed to Georgia.

"Scientists have found an inexhaustible source of food -- and fuel -- in tiny, water-borne algae cells."

That's great! Why haven't we...

... oh, we know about it. We just haven't done anything about it in the last 70 years. Cool cool.

Need a break? Let's hit the road... the RAILroad....

I zoomed in to read the Mallory hat ad, but got distracted by reading the text on the left.

Gems include:

"Smile, you germ-ridden misanthrope," the Horse said.

Bud's grin was practically pushing the ears off his head.

It had begun to rain, a soft spring sound on the window.

Pulitzers for everyone!

Thirty years later, and they're still trying to convince us they can telegraph flowers.

Are you ready (can one really ever be ready?) for NEAT STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY?

Bucky the Creepy Lucky Badger is apparently still around, at least as of 2019.

Look out below, it's 1954 rage bait!

Nnnno.

Lastly, for your consideration, some 1950s "humor":

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