Sunday, January 27, 2019

Glossy Time Capsules #1: Better Homes and Gardens - 1972

Glossy Time Capsules #1

Better Homes and Gardens
May, 1972
Price: 50 cents


Ah, the 1970s. Bell-bottoms. Disco. Bold, clashing colors. Shag carpeting. Shaun Cassidy. Those giant, yellow-tinted eyeglasses that were popular for some reason. 

Not to mention pure, unbridled optimism....


47 years after that ad...

Yeah, still no. :(



Yay for yarn hair accoutrements though! 



While Tammy and Patricia were busing feeding each other JELL-O, Miss Mouse saw an opportunity and said, "Hey, what the heck?"



...John Denver?




Girls born before 1955 didn't have any thoughts beyond young men. But you, girl of the 70s, have many other thoughts, such as politics, ecology, the world and the people in it, your own body, and (of course) trying to decide if your flow necessitates Regular, Super, or Junior-sized today. I don't care if you're only ten, PICK ONE.



If only.



Isn't it funny how in 1972 parents had to be reminded, nay told, to practice basic child safety?




Patio chairs, barbecue, pool, swing sets whose legs pop out of the ground, and a lushly-hued carpet of AstroTurf. Everything one needs for a perfect summer day.

Meanwhile, indoors...


When the vinyl matched the drapes... and the sofa... and the table... oh my.



Not even pots and pans were safe from the flood of tomato orange, mustard yellow, and pea green that inundated 70's homes. 



Wait, but the rest of my house is ORANGE!



AUGH!

Well, it could be worse...


Never mind. I think the orange one was worse.




Mmmmm, creepy....



I remember these L'eggs kiosks! My mom used to buy their pantyhose and then hide the eggs for us at Easter time.



Lucite: solely responsible for convincing people it was perfectly okay to follow their whims and paint gigantic BANANAS on their walls.


Banana murals: Adding value to America homes since never.



D'aw.


Here comes one of my favorite sections from vintage BH&G mags... the "Neat Stuff You Should Buy" pages.








And the "humor" section....


Land sakes, Katie Joel!




Hey, what about the milkman, the paperboy, and evening TV?



I've been to various parts of Canada, and I can only assume that either this is some kind of festival I've never heard of, or that Canada has REALLY come a long way since 1972.



And then everyone died, the end.

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