It's yearbook photo time again!
Yes, kids, this is it! You've worked hard. You've gotten the grades. You've completed the extracurricular activities. Now you're mere months away from graduating!
So smile, won't you? You have a lot to be proud of!
So smile, won't you? You have a lot to be proud of!
Uh oh. Phyllis, what's on your mind?
Phyllis: "Nothing. I'm just tired."
Why are you tired, Phyl?
Phyllis: "I was up late last night. Doing homework."
And by 'homework', you mean...?
Phyllis: "I WAS HELPING TO ROB A BANK, OKAY? Ugh, leave me alone."
Okay, okay... so maybe Phyllis was a perfect angel in high school. But something tells me there was something else going behind those hazel eyes. Something a bit more sinister.
In fact, a lot of these students' expressions have me curious... and a little afraid. So I'm going to do what any normal person with an overactive imagination would do...
I'm going to surmise some crimes for them.
Because I'm totally normal.
But were they?
Name: Wilma Tyler
Accused Of: Running up a huge tab at the soda fountain and never paying a dime.
😈
Name: Leonard Geare
Accused of: Posing as a high school student, but actually being old.
Verdict: Innocent. He just looked old. Movies and TV shows of the 80s and 90s would justify him at last.
😇
Name: Frank M. Hubert
Accused Of: Sneaking onto campus after hours to use the Linotype machine to print his underground newspaper, the GeeGolly Gazette, circulation: 14.
😈
Name: William Hughes-Pippin
Accused Of: Spiking the punch at every single school dance, even after he graduated.
😈
Name: Doris Atkinson
Accused Of: Shenanigans involving chewing gum and slide projectors.
😈
Name: Robert Luff
Accused Of: Placing a garter snake in Mr. Lerner's desk drawer and laughing maniacally while Mr. Lerner screamed.
😈
Name: Walter Jameson
Accused Of: "Liberating" 30 frogs from the bio lab.
😈
Name: Judith Dernwell
Accused Of: Abundant truancy.
Note: Irving Perkins down at the local bowling alley has confirmed that Judith was there a lot.
😈
Name: Elizabeth Trunkett
Accused Of: Served as the getaway driver for numerous robberies and heists.
Note: Not only was she guilty, but she was actually the mastermind behind the schemes as well.
😈
Name: Juliet Dougal
Accused Of: Embezzlement of the Sophomore Class treasury money.
Note: Juliet vanished shortly after this picture was taken.
😈
Name: Dirk Pruitt
Accused Of: Involvement in the disappearance of beloved Janitor Mr. Hemsworth.
Oh, sorry, I meant the disappearance of Mr. Hemsworth's mop and broom.
😈
Name: George T. Johnson
Crime: Taking the "class clown" shtick just too, too far.
😈
Name: Leona Paulington
Accused Of: Finding a lost wallet and not turning it in.
Note: She openly admitted to spending the wallet's $1.22 at the local automat. "It was enough to buy me an entire lunch and then some," she would later tell her grandchildren. "You could get a lot more bang for your buck in those days. Lord, but I miss automats."
😈
Name: Tom "The Bomb" Bachman
Crime: Forcing freshmen to turn over their milk money, so that he, in turn, could buy enough milk to quench his insatiable thirst.
Verdict: Guilty. The milk mustache did him in.
😈
Name: Horace Williams
Crime: Stealing from the church offering plate.
Verdict: Not guilty. He wasn't in church that day. He was parked up on The Hill with Norma Lamont.
😇
Name: Dena Joraldi
Crime: Hot-wiring the principal's car and driving it to Reno.
Note: She maintains it was her twin sister whodunnit, and that she has an alibi for the night of the 15th. "Wait, which night was the car even stolen? I mean, what car? I don't know what you're talking about."
😈
Name: Burt Hopkins
Accused Of: Licking library books
Verdict: Guilty of that and so much more.
😈
Name: Katherine O'Shea
Accused Of: Deliberately flooding the girls' locker room.
Verdict: It wasn't deliberate.
😇
Name: Louisa Dunning
Crime: Too innocent to be accused of anything, Louisa still regularly practiced her mug shot, just in case.
Verdict: Boring.
😇
Name: Elton Quagmire
Accused Of: Stabbing a fellow classmate with a compass, and not the kind of compass that tells directions; no, the pointy kind.
Note: "My sweetie Eltiekins would never," responded his grandmother, Helen A. Quagmire. "He's as innocent as a dove and wouldn't hurt a fly!"
😈
Name: Nancy Caldwell
Accused Of: Poisoning Principal Snard
Verdict: Motive? Yes. Evidence? No.
😈
Name: Ralph Wertz
Accused Of: Starting the Great Lower Bedford Fire of 1939.
Verdict: Guilty... and yet... legendary.
😈👊
Name: John Vickers
Crime: Pouring tomato soup in the band's tubas.
Note: "I play the tuba -- why would I want to ruin my own tuba?" he protested, as his stomach growled ominously.
😈
Name: Janet Elmira Stevens
Crime: In progress
Right now.
BEHIND YOU.
😱
😱
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Note: The photos here came from a Portland, Oregon-area yearbook dated 1939/1940. Names, as well as crimes, are fictionalized. My apologies if one of these photos is of your grandfather.
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