Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Fuller House? Oh, Puh-Lease!

I grew up watching and loving Full House, so whenever I hear rumors of a reboot, a little part of me gets excited... but the better part of me screams NOOOOO, DANGIT! (I also get this way when I hear people talking about a 4th Back To The Future film, a Goonies sequel, and/or a Harrison Ford-less Indiana Jones. Bad. No. Do not want.)

I'm not sure if a Full House reboot is something I would want, though I will admit that when it was cancelled in 1995, I was quite surprised. I spent many hours thinking of what the Tanners might be doing "in the future." The show was actually doing quite well in the ratings when it was canned. Sure, its quality had deteriorated, and they had started recycling plot lines and throwing continuity out the window (ie Becky is a great singer during the telethon episode, but singing to her kids at bedtime four years later, she's awful) buuut it's a show that I loved... and if shows that I don't love can get reunions and reboots and revivals, why can't Full House? I mean, it's only fair.

The thing is, though... they're saying this show might be on Netflix and that it might be called Fuller House and that it may be about D.J. and Kimmy bein' chums. Don't get me wrong. I like D.J. and I like Kimmy. But is that really the best they can come up with?

Because I've been thinking about this. And I have a few "Full House Reboot" ideas of my own....

Full House Of Friends

Michelle Tanner, now in her 20s, is just trying to make in the big city. She's roommates with Lisa and Denise, and they live next door to Teddy, Derek, and Aaron. Everybody dates everybody else. Romantic complications abound. Similarities to Friends are entirely coincidental. Elizabeth Olsen stars as Michelle. 

Projected Success: 3 seasons on FOX

Empty House

Poor Danny! Everyone has moved out, leaving Danny all alone
in that great big house of his. What's a guy to do? After putting an ad on Craigslist, looking for roommates, Danny is inundated with visits from all kinds of wacky characters, including a guy who just doesn't respect Spring Cleaning Season, and a lady whose red hair reminds him too much of Vicky, God rest her soul. Will Danny find the perfect roommates, or go insane trying? Wanda Sykes and David Spade co-star. 

Projected Success: 1 season on ABC

Full Mansion

After winning the lottery, D.J. and Steve get married and have nine children and move to Beverly Hills. Stephanie, who has been estranged from the family for some time thanks to some really terrible decisions, disguises herself in order to apply for the role of the family's maid. She gets the job, but will she be able to keep her true identity under wraps?

Projected Success: 4 seasons on ABC Family

Full Apartment

Michelle is having great success in the fashion world, and lives in her own place in New York City. She even has a great boyfriend. But her life is thrown for a loop when Stephanie shows up on her doorstep one night, holding nothing but a hamster cage and a hatbox, and convinces Michelle to let her spend the night. One night turns into six months. Things get even crazier when Joey shows up.

Projected Success: Thirteen episodes on NBC

Full-On Crazy

After a painful divorce, Stephanie accepts an invitation from Cousin Steve (Kirk Cameron) to move to Baltimore and become an au pair for his three kids. When she arrives, she's surprised to learn that the kids are huge brats. Can she tame the younguns with her smarts & savvy? Will she successfully teach them how to tap dance and sing Baby Beluga? Hello, is her last name "Tanner"? Well then, of cour-- oh, nevermind, she changed it.

Projected Success: 1 season on The CW

Full House: Seeing Double

Nicky and Alex Katsopolis are all grown up and married, and they both have -- you guessed it -- twins! Naturally, their families all live together -- along with Danny, who has no place else to go after a ne'er-minded pot roast causes his house to burn to the ground, taking all the neighboring homes with it. (He is subsequently run out of San Francisco by an angry mob.) With three sets of twins under one roof, life is never dull. 

Projected Success: 3 seasons on The Disney Channel

Reawaken, San Francisco!

In a post-apocalyptic world, the Tanners are scattered across the globe, trying to make it back to San Francisco in time to say good-bye to Danny, who has contracted a deadly flesh-eating virus. A nuclear waste spill causes Michelle to gain superpowers, and that causes Stephanie to become jealous. Joey, who has spent a lifetime being the joke, finally becomes a hero -- and then a zombie.

Projected Success: 1 season, straight to DVD

Which of these would you be most eager to watch? Leave a comment if you dare.

* * *

(in case it wasn't clear, i am, in fact, joking)

No comments: