Monday, October 31, 2011

Antique Show Creepshow!

I love going to estate sales and antique shows, but let's face it, there's some creepy stuff out there.  The eeriest of items usually fit into one of four categories:

-Toys that used to be quite normal-looking but have deteriorated over time.

-Items that were designed to be creepy (ie scary masks.)

-Things that were generally acceptable back in their day, but freak out modern shoppers because we just don't know how to deal with them.

-Plastic-faced dolls that look to the side.

So yesterday I went to the tri-annual antique show at the Portland Expo Center, where I came across many things to fit the above examples.  Below is a photo gallery for your nightmare fuel enjoyment.

The thing that gets me about this bunny is that it is an actual toy that was designed for actual children to actually play with. I mean, what the h?

 Annnd it gets worse. Augh. Ever since I watched Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders I've been frightened of chiming monkeys. (And Ernest Borgnine, but can you blame me??)  Meanwhile, what exactly do they mean by "multi-Action?"  It claps, and....?  Oh no, please, PLEASE NO!

 "Honey, can I get you a cup of coffee this fine morning?"
"Sure, dear!"
"In a mug?"
"Sounds good."
"Here you go."
"Mmm, nothing like a good cuppa joe t--WHAT THE FRIGGIDY FUDGE!?!?!?!??!"

 "Why hello, Grimace! I, Ronald McDonald, can see that you are riding a merry-go-round, but I can ALSO see that you are thirsty, and so I will come aboard and pour you a cup of boiling hot coffee! And the fry guy will watch. Won't that be just grand?"

"I'm a little teapot, sick and twisted..."

 Dolls. Nuff said.

 Buxom dolls.

 Bare dolls.

And this.

 Once upon a time this doll may have been loved. But now her hair is fried, her eyes have fallen back in her head, she's naked and she's holding out her hand in a desperate gesture.  You may ask yourself, What happened to this poor doll?  But a better question might be, Why is this for sale??

 Lollipops are all well and good. It's when you throw that extra "L" in the second part that things get iffy.

Happy HalloDEATH!

 Can you spot the possessed kittycat?

This is the kind of bathroom where toilet seat covers and a travel-sized can of Lysol are a must.

Why is this creepy?  It's got something to do with the juxtaposition of the mother bear bottle-feeding her cub while next to her is another bear's head on a pole. Although that might be a mouse, and that might even be a lamp, but still. Something's just not right.

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