One day, when I was three years old, I was lying on our living room floor playing with a plastic Smurf toy when a sense of unease suddenly came over me.
On the wall nearby was framed print of Jesus. It had been a gift from my paternal grandparents, and I had seen it since infancy. But recently, little 3-year-old me had had a memorable nightmare in which Jesus had moved. His face had turned even more upward-looking (counter-clockwise rotation), a movement which had summoned none other than the sinister-looking bear from the cover of the Golden ABC Rhymes book, a bear whose name (I had at some point decided) was The Big Bad Drum.
Recalling my dream, little me decided I didn't want to be in the same room as the Jesus picture. After all, it might decide to move at any moment and call forth any or all instances of bass drum-wielding bears.
But now what?
I couldn't play in my bedroom, because I shared it with my baby brother, and he was currently napping. I couldn't play in my parents' bedroom, as it was generally off-limits. I couldn't play in the kitchen, because I wanted to play on carpet.
Another option was the dining room, but... that's where we had our smoke detector, and the smoke detector was nearly as ominous as the Jesus picture. I knew the smoke detector had something to do with fire. I also knew that if you stared at it long enough, you'd see a red flashing dot. Was that dot made of fire? Was there fire inside, just waiting to pop out and attack?
I remember feeling stuck. I had nowhere to play. I don't remember what I ended up doing, but I'm pretty sure I gave up playing Smurfs and went to pester my mom.
Years later, at a family Thanksgiving celebration, I remember feeling stuck again. I dreaded going to this dinner because I knew that after we ate, I'd have the option of hanging out in one of two main rooms. I didn't want to hang in Room #2, because it was kind of a kids' area, and I was afraid that one particular younger cousin would lob something at my head. It had happened the year before, and I didn't trust that that cousin had matured significantly in the past 12 months.
Meanwhile, in the other room, there was that one particular relative, the one that everyone else general thinks is pretty great, but who you know has Creep tendencies, and who you've had to strategically avoid for years, not only because of That One Time (but really several times), but also because he's never apologized, has always given you grief because you haven't let him get near you since, and also, you're pretty sure he's still Creepin.
So. Where to go? On that Thanksgiving evening, after dinner I went out and sat in the car until it was time to go. It was freezing, but I figured it was my best option.
Today I had another one of those moments of feeling stuck with nowhere to go. I was on breakfast duty at the school where I work. I usually have some flexibility to go back and forth from the cafeteria to the hallway. The cafeteria gets loud, though, especially when one of the other IAs gets on the microphone to remind the kids to be quiet and to eat their breakfast and to clean their tables and to check the lost and found and oh yeah, 5 minutes till the bell.
Every morning. At least three times.
Usually when she gets on the mic, I escape to the hallway.
Today, though, the hallway was no oasis. It was one of our Spirit Days, and someone was taking Polaroid pictures of kids who'd worn costumes. 🌟🌟🌟🌟 Flashes galore! Flashing lights have really started to bother me lately. It's not so much the light itself as it is the suddenness of it all.
I couldn't escape to my car this time, so I sucked it up and went back into the cafeteria and braved the noise.
I know that the flashing camera will be gone tomorrow.
My mom eventually donated the Jesus picture.
I try not to stare at smoke detectors anymore.
The immature cousin is, idk... is he out of jail these days?
And the Creep relative is... well, I can only hope The Big Bad Drum accompanied him to the afterlife and is following him around, percussing an annoying beat eternal.
