Glossy Time Capsules #33
Disney Adventures
October, 1998
Price: $2.99
* * * * * * * * * *
It had been six years and three months since the Disney Adventures issue with Ursula the Sea Witch and Cruella De Vil trying to seduce Wayne and Garth appeared on newstands.
And now: October, 1998...
The price of the magazine had increased by $1.04, and on this cover, Jackie Chan could be seen leaping over a couch-upholstery-clad set of Olsens, who were also frozen in mid-leap....
Let it be known: 1998 was a glorious year to be alive.
And life was indeed pretty darn glorious for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, who were about to star on their very own TGIF show, Two of a Kind.
Boldly stating they didn't like Leonardo DiCaprio in 1998? The nerve.
Also, I was just talking to somebody about how yellow is literally nobody's favorite color, and WHAT HAVE WE HERE? MK and A, you crazy fools.
Two Of A Kind only lasted one season / 22 episodes. Compare that to the other shows that debuted around the same time and were also featured in this magazine, and I have to wonder... maybe the Charmed Ones should've been the ones on this cover instead?
Here are some of those other shows....
Animorphs: 2 seasons, 26 episodes...
Young Ryan Gosling Hercules: 1 season, 50 episodes...
Brother's Keeper: 1 season, 23 episodes...
Charmed: 8 seasons, 178 episodes...
One World: 3 seasons, 39 episodes...
Cousin Skeeter: 3 seasons, 52 episodes....
The Hughleys: 4 seasons, 89 episodes...
And then there was this show, which actually debuted in 1997 (3 seasons, 66 episodes)...
And straight-to-video for the very first time, it's Hilary Duff!
Yes, the future Lizzie McGuire was fresh on the scene playing The Scarlet Witch Wendy, friend of Casper.
Meanwhile, some celebrities celebbed...
I either never knew, or mercifully forgot, that Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow once dated.
In other celebrity news...
Meanwhile, in
Things You Could (Pester Your Parents To) Buy...
Doug was not only the star of the D.A. comics in this issue...
...he was also part of a series of ads reminding us to watch One Saturday Morning.
Disney Adventures actually dared to ask tough questions, such as: Who would win in a fight, Sabrina Spellman or Buffy Summers?
I like the idea of them working together, but as someone who watched both shows... Buffy. The answer is Buffy.
Sabrina had actually just done a movie where she went to Rome. Meanwhile, Whoopi went to Camelot and Mara Wilson grew balloons...
In case you were wondering what was "hot" in 1998, look no further...
Leo, you should be nothing but honored to be included on this list. I mean, iguanas? What better?
Check out this slang that nobody uses anymore and, I suspect, never actually did....
Meanwhile, Jackie Chan's career was going strong...
He's still alive in 2022 (just turned 68) but apparently he isn't doing enough these days to keep Googlers from asking some weird questions...
The calendar below blesses us with an abundance of beloved icons from 1998... Celine Dion, Julia Roberts, Nintendo 64, Matchbox 20, and the unrivaled Lion King 2: Simba's Pride.
Does anyone remember this Addams Family straight-to-video, uh, sequel?
Tim Curry, of all people.
Well, that about wraps this up.
I leave you with a reminder to always enter sweepstakes, because you never know when you might win an autographed photo of Just Plain Mark and Zippy....
And NEVER FORGET: no matter how much money you acquire or how good you think you look, there will always be a 6-year-old out there who's dressed better than you are. You can't help it; just accept it.
Looking for more 1998 magaziney goodness? Check out
this or
this!
