Antique Show Creepshow 3: All Creeped Up

It's that time of the year again...

Christmas? Ha, no. Christmas is still aaaaages away, silly.

Nope! Put on some pants, pick up your banjo, and join in a happy chorus, because... it's HOWL-O-WEEN, BABY!

But what's that? You still haven't decided on a costume? Don't worry, my friend, because I've got some great costume ideas for you! Nearly all of these can be constructed out of cardboard, paint, glue, and pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel. 

HALLOWEEN

COSTUME

I D E A S !

Inspired by Antique Show Treasures

Idea #1: Pregnant Superman

#2: Beatles in a Box

#3: Smokey Bear/Pinocchio/Jiminy Cricket Crime-Fighting Posse (Of Doom)

#4: Two-Dimensional Yellow-Suited Superman, aka Man Of Steel Tin

#5: Bald Person With Sentient Feet

# 6: Elsie the Cow, Queen Of The Ice Cream (KNEEL BEFORE HER!)

#7: John Kerry In A Bowl

#8: Pumpkin-Headed Pawnbroker

# 9: Snookums

#10: Snookums' Trusty Gal-Pal, Birdie McBluetights.

#11: SPIN-O, the lesser-known, but equally nefarious, cousin of Coily The Spring Sprite

Feeling inspired yet? 

No? Well, how about...

#12: A Pair of Legs?

#13: A Pair of Legs With Bonus Torso And Head?

#14: A Friendly Bipedal Goat?

#15: A Stylish Suit Coat?

#16: A Child Ballerina Playing croquet Kro-Kay?

#17: A Sinister Elf Family?

#18: A Thumbs-Up-in' Monkey?

How about a...

#19: Kindly Neighborhood Barber?

or a...

#20: Weird kid who likes to watch Barber while he works??

Or if not that, then a...

#21: Pigly Barbershop Customer???

AUGH HE IS ACTUALLY A PIG

* * * * *

Well, there you go. 21 perfectly good costume ideas. Trouble is, you may not have time to make any of these costumes before Halloween night! Why'd you wait so darn long?

Oh well, there's always next year....

Antique Show Creepshow 2: The Creepening

(Antique Show Creep Show Part 1)

And now... This.

Hey, everybody! Into the car! We're going to an antique show!

Seriously, GET IN.

Can you bring a friend along? Sure, bring a friend!

You'd rather ride your bike? Fine. We'll meet you there.

Oh, your magic bicycle. Sure. As long as it gets you there.

Just watch out for pedestrians!

And try not to get caught up in any tomfoolery.

Say... Christmas is right around the corner, and the Antique Show is a great place to find gifts for everyone on your list!

Great-Grandma will be all over this picture of someone she probably went to school with....

Dad'll just love this Cycling Daddy... or perhaps the alcohol-guzzling ship's captain?

Smoking Grandpas are sure to be a hit with the elderly....

Are there any infants on your shopping list? Do they have appendages? Great!

Maybe pick up a little something for your Disney-lovin' cousin....?

... that IS Mickey, isn't it?

And don't forget your worst enemy....

I hope you found some great deals! Only 55 days till Christmas. Have you been naughty or nice so far this year?

Remember, he's watching.

*Santa photo by Heather M.

Antique Show Creepshow!

I love going to estate sales and antique shows, but let's face it, there's some creepy stuff out there.  The eeriest of items usually fit into one of four categories:

-Toys that used to be quite normal-looking but have deteriorated over time.

-Items that were designed to be creepy (ie scary masks.)

-Things that were generally acceptable back in their day, but freak out modern shoppers because we just don't know how to deal with them.

-Plastic-faced dolls that look to the side.

So yesterday I went to the tri-annual antique show at the Portland Expo Center, where I came across many things to fit the above examples.  Below is a photo gallery for your nightmare fuel enjoyment.

The thing that gets me about this bunny is that it is an actual toy that was designed for actual children to actually play with. I mean, what the h?

 Annnd it gets worse. Augh. Ever since I watched Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders I've been frightened of chiming monkeys. (And Ernest Borgnine, but can you blame me??)  Meanwhile, what exactly do they mean by "multi-Action?"  It claps, and....?  Oh no, please, PLEASE NO!

 "Honey, can I get you a cup of coffee this fine morning?"
"Sure, dear!"
"In a mug?"
"Sounds good."
"Here you go."
"Mmm, nothing like a good cuppa joe t--WHAT THE FRIGGIDY FUDGE!?!?!?!??!"

 "Why hello, Grimace! I, Ronald McDonald, can see that you are riding a merry-go-round, but I can ALSO see that you are thirsty, and so I will come aboard and pour you a cup of boiling hot coffee! And the fry guy will watch. Won't that be just grand?"

"I'm a little teapot, sick and twisted..."

 Dolls. Nuff said.

 Buxom dolls.

 Bare dolls.

And this.

 Once upon a time this doll may have been loved. But now her hair is fried, her eyes have fallen back in her head, she's naked and she's holding out her hand in a desperate gesture.  You may ask yourself, What happened to this poor doll?  But a better question might be, Why is this for sale??

 Lollipops are all well and good. It's when you throw that extra "L" in the second part that things get iffy.

Happy HalloDEATH!

 Can you spot the possessed kittycat?

This is the kind of bathroom where toilet seat covers and a travel-sized can of Lysol are a must.

Why is this creepy?  It's got something to do with the juxtaposition of the mother bear bottle-feeding her cub while next to her is another bear's head on a pole. Although that might be a mouse, and that might even be a lamp, but still. Something's just not right.