Aloha, Baby-Sitters! Baby-Sitters Club Super Special 13: The one time I wish "aloha" meant ONLY "goodbye."
Kidding! What would I do without my favorite timeloop-trapped teenage entrepreneurs? I'd be lost. We'd all be lost. Face it, that's why we even care about Super Special thirteen, published a decade after Kristy got her Great Idea.
BSC Super Specials are an entity unto themselves, and for the past 13-odd years I've been reviewing them. I've witnessed the baby-sitters live out their deepest Love Boat fantasies. I've seen them get lost in the woods and fall in love with ski instructors. I've cheered for them as they fought for their lives on a deserted island, won the lottery and jetted off to California, picked up stray dogs in New York City, ran out of gas on the backroads in a snowstorm, tried to convince Kristy's stepdad to take on even more capital, grabbed almost all the roles in the community production of Peter Pan, and survived a mediocre hurricane.
I didn't think I'd be reviewing any of the Super Specials past #10, but goshdarnit, this one kept invading my thoughts. I recall reading it once, years ago, and thinking it was terrible. But is it? Let's find out together!
The book begins with Jessi, who is dancing for joy because she's going to Hawaii! And so are all her friends! Oh wait, but not Mallory, partly because she is still poor. And Kristy isn't going either, because she gets to go to Hawaii with her family later in the summer.
Here's who is going:
- Stacey
- Jessi
- Claudia
- Dawn (who's... living in California but is still going on this supposed Stoneybrook school trip?)
- Mary Anne
- Abby (Oh hai, Abby!)
- Logan
- Robert (and hello to you, too, Robert! Welcome to the ride that is a Super Special!)
Right on page 2, we get the first of what I hope will be many sentences that begin with the quaint grandpa-y starter "You see."
Jessi: You see, the trip was offered to us by our school, Stoneybrook Middle School, last month. We leave in three days, on the next-to-last Monday in July. Luckily, I had no other plans for the month.
We learn that the baby-sitters who are going on the trip made deals with their parents to pay for half the trip, and earned the other half by washing cars, mowing lawns, and holding a special Fourth of July festival for kids. And they baby-sat like crazy, of course. The girls supplementing their baby-sitting incomes is a bit of a surprise to me. I can't picture any of them actually mowing a lawn, but okay.
Saddened that Mallory cannot accompany her to Hawaii, Jessi buys a notebook and instructs everyone else to help her keep travel notes for Mallory. Besides the journaling, Jessi tells us she'll also be bringing along a camera and a tape recorder. (If only such a device existed that could stand in for both.)
Kristy gets the infamous Chapter Two, and man, I really think the BSC Chapter Twos could be left out of the Super Specials. They're going to Hawaii... do readers really need to know the names of each of the Thomas/Brewer's pets?
Besides a pet rundown, Kristy also tells us about how the club began. However, she either misremembers the details... or the ghostwriter got sloppy. Kristy tells us: I got the idea one day when Mom was having trouble finding a sitter for David Michael. I saw the yellow pages near the phone and I imagined a bold heading in it that said BABY-SITTERS.
Objection! I would like to introduce into evidence Kristy's Great Idea. The jury will note that the Yellow Pages were not present at the scene of The Idea!
Kristy also says the club started with just Mary Anne, Claudia, and me. That's really not fair to Stacey, who was literally there when they had their first meeting. Again, is Kristy losing her mind, or did the ghostwriter think we wouldn't remember?
The book's second "you see" pops up on page 15, when Kristy is describing Stacey: You see, she has diabetes. Like we could ever forget.
At a club meeting, Kristy passes out T-shirts she's produced that say: The Baby-Sitters Club. Call KL5-3231, and everyone just puts them on because it's easier than arguing with Kristy.
The girls talk a bit about their plans for their trip. We get a random Lion King reference. Claudia pronounces a series of Hawaiian words wrong and gets corrected by Jessi and Stacey in turn.
Mallory laments over how much she'll miss everyone. She and Jessi hug and cry. Then Mary Anne starts to cry, too. Wah wah wah.
The next chapter goes to Abby, who has allergies and writes the way she talks when she has a stuffy nose. (eg: "Yes, Bob" when she's saying "Yes, Mom.") It gets old fast.
On the morning of the big trip, Abby's mom wakes her up at 4am because the bus everyone's taking to the airport is supposed to leave at 5. Abby gets dressed, has breakfast, chats with her twin sister, and then goes upstairs to start packing. Somehow she's done with this by 5:45, and she and her mom still make it to the bus ON TIME, even though Abby lives near Kristy and we're always being reminded that Kristy lives on "the other side of town." Then again, this is Stoneybrook... the two sides could be a mile apart.
We then get Abby's account of their travel day, and it is THE most boring BSC Airplane chapter in the history of both regular books and Super Specials. I'm not even going to bother to recount it. They travel a lot. It's boring. Well, except for the fact that, at their LAX stopover, Dawn's brother, stepmother, and father were there to meet her. Simpler times they were, the 90s.
They arrive in Hawaii!
Mary Anne is next, and in her pre-chapter diary she writes: This is the most beautiful place on Earth. But because she's riding in a car, her handwriting is a bit off, and her "this" looks like "Ohio."
You see #3 is on page 34, and this time it's from Mary Anne. She's talking about how Logan's acting weird today, and then tells us: You see, our friends had been giving us grief lately. They'd complained that Logan and I were spending too much time together..... So Logan and I decided on an experiment. We'd spend our vacation TBI -- together but independent.
So they don't sit together on the planes, but then Mary Anne begins to get paranoid that Logan's annoyed with her, so she frets over it and then asks him outright, but he dodges her question, which makes her think Logan wanted to break up, and at this point I wish they'd cut the TBI nonsense and just go get a room already.
But it turns out Logan's mind isn't on breaking up, it's on leis. They weren't greeted with leis when they arrived in Hawaii, like he'd expected from his Brady Bunch viewing.
So there it is: Mary Anne needn't worry. Logan is just a simple lad.
Mary Anne and Logan aren't the only usually-inseparable co-ed pair that aren't gelling at the moment. Stacey and her boyfriend, Robert, are also spending time apart. Not only that, but Robert may have been flirting with a girl named Sue Archer, who I'm not sure we've ever seen before or will ever see in another book. Someone feel free to set me straight on Sue.
Meanwhile, as everyone gets their luggage and rides to the hotel, we're reminded multiple times (I went back to count... 5 different times) how heavy Claudia's suitcases are. Callback to Super Special 1? Perhaps. Over-mention of a pointless detail? Most certainly.
At least in Super Special #1, when Claudia packed too many clothes, we got some good Claudia Outfit descriptions out of it. She was able to loan an entire fabulous outfit to Dawn. What I'm saying is, we darn well better get a couple of outfit descriptions in this book. I'd even settle for ONE!
Chapter 4: Jessi writes a morning message to Mallory, in which she assures her she'll be her eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and hands. Gross.
Stacey and Abby, Jessi's hotel roommates, wake up, and Abby's nose is (according to Jessi, in her notes to Mal) suffed up. That's right, not stuffed... suffed.
After breakfast, the Stoneybrookers go off in two different directions. Jessi, Claudia, and Mary Anne opt for a walking tour of Honolulu. Jessi writes so many notes and takes so many photos that she barely sees anything. She also has to change rolls of film, which, again... such different times.
Jessi learns that the Europeans who came to Hawaii (Captain Cook, et al) imparted their ways on the native Hawaiians and forced change. Jessi jots: Treatment of Hawaiians similar to horrible treatment of Africans and Native Americans around the same time in history. Yes.
During lunch, Jessi accidentally eats a hot pepper and it makes her feel terrible. Claudia swipes Jessi's camera and takes a photo of her guzzling water. Of course that doesn't alleviate Jessi's pain, but mango ice cream eventually does the trick.
Someone needs to remind Claudia of the time she accidentally ordered and ate escargot. Who was laughing then, CLAUDIA?
As they return to their hotel, Mary Anne expresses how relaxed she feels, and the others agree with her. But, thinks Jessi: I was exhausted. Oh well. I'd done my job. At least Mallory would know how our vacation really felt. I could always ask her.
Har har har.
You see #4 shows up in Chapter 5, which belongs to Mallory. Mal is baby-sitting for the Prezziosos. Little Jenny is having a tantrum when Mal arrives, so Mrs. Prezz pulls Mallory aside and tells her: "My husband and I have been involved in a parenting group. We've learned so much from the professionals and other parents. You see, we've been giving Jenny too much power..."
Mmhmm, no surprise to Mallory, this. So the new plan is to ignore Jenny's tantrums and wait for her to calm down. The Prezziosos have been doing this all week, and they'd like Mallory to try it, too. Mallory takes Jenny and her baby sister to the park, where Jenny has another tantrum.
As Jenny is screaming her head off in the sandbox, a woman nearby suggests to Mallory that Mallory is neglecting Jenny. Mallory's like "um, but her mother told me to ignore her tantrums, so..."
The woman then leaves, but not before taking note of Mallory's T-shirt: the one Kristy's making her wear... the one with the BSC's phone number plastered on it.
Claudia takes Chapter 6, and we learn that she's chosen to go on a tour to Pearl Harbor. She's been interested in it for a while, and Janine gave her the historical scoop. You see, many years ago, Japanese war-planes sneak-attacked the U.S. Naval Base at Pearl Harbor. You see #5!
After watching a movie about the attacks, Claudia begins to feel terrible. Over two thousand American servicemen died in the attack, she thinks. Six battleships were sunk in the harbor. Three hundred warplanes were destroyed. By Japan.
So Claudia feels The Guilt and also wonders how her grandparents (who lived in Japan at that time) had felt about it all. Could sweet Mimi have been for this attack?
Heavy stuff, here.
They go visit the remains of the Arizona and they meet a man who'd been around back in 1941 and who (obviously) survived.
Claudia is feeling worse and worse. Mary Anne asks her if she's okay, but Claudia doesn't tell her what she's thinking. Thinks Claudia: The whole war, when you thought about it, was a terrible, bloody mess. It should never have been started in the first place.
Well, that right there might be the biggest understatement in the history of Super Specials.
Chapter 7 goes to Abby, who goes shopping for goofy souvenirs, then goes to the beach, then somehow manages to stumble upon a shoot for a suntan lotion commercial. But oh no! The producers need another two volleyball players or the commercial won't look right. So Abby volunteers by showing them how great she is at volleyball and also by lying and saying she's eighteen. They ask if she can be there the next morning and she says yes. This was my big break, thinks Abby. I could already picture my name inside a star on Hollywood Boulevard.
Oh, Abby... the only accolade you're likely to earn is a prize for Most Ridiculous Person In This Book. Jessi's hot on your tail, though, so beware.
Dawn's Chapter 8 is short. She and some others go up a mountain, and the beauty of their views are marred by the sound of Jessi's incessant camera-clicking.
Chapter 9 is a Stoneybrook chapter, and Kristy and Mallory are helping a local lady, Mrs. Stone, run her farm camp.
Karen Brewer is there, and her friend Tia, who hails from Nebraska, is visiting. Tia is obsessed with New York. There's a lamb named Ollie. The Papadakis kids fight over yellow squash.
Later, Mal and Kristy host a very small BSC meeting. Mal brings up the encounter with the lady in the park, telling Kristy about Jenny's tantrum, Mrs. Prezz's instructions, and that: Some woman started yelling at me. Which (checks notes) is a lie; that park lady made a few comments, snapped her book shut, walked away, and also glared at Mallory's shirt. There was no yelling.
So during this meeting, who should call, but the park lady? Kristy answers the phone, and after hearing her complaint about Mallory's incompetence, tells the lady that Mallory is a good, experienced sitter, and she was only following the instructions of the girl's mother. You see, all children are so different. With some of them, you have to--"
The lady cuts Kristy off, but not before letting her get out another you see (#6!) After lashing out a bit more, the lady hangs up on Kristy, which seems to be THE thing that annoys Kristy the most about the whole encounter. "She hung up on me."
The lack of cordial goodbyes is really making Kristy sad, but she also wonders if they've now made a new enemy in Stoneybrook.
Which gets me thinking, how many enemies do the BSC members have?
Just off the top of my head...
BSC Enemies
Cokie Mason
Grace Blume
Laine Cummings
Liz Lewis & Michelle Patterson
Mrs. Lowell, that racist Stoneybrook mom
The Lowell kids, probably
Ashley Wyeth, probably
The Shillaber twins?
That one bad baby-sitter from Jessi and the Bad Baby-Sitter
Mr. Trout
The racist Mary from Camp Mohawk
Betsy Sobak? She'd be my enemy, I know that!
Sue Archer after this book, probably
Well anyway.
Abby's back in Chapter 10, and she's ready to do the commercial. One of her teachers/chaperones has agreed to accompany her, and this lady even shut down the protests of the principal by saying: "Oh, Howard, don't be such an old fusspot!"
So Abby does the commercial, doesn't wear her own sunscreen (because it's a competitor brand), and ends up baking like a lobster. We've had baby-sitters get third-degree burns on vacation before (see Boy-Crazy Stacey) but idk, man. Sun damage isn't exactly a laughing matter.
Abby's take: During a break, I coated myself with Day-Nite sunscreen. It smelled awful. Besides, at that point, I don't know how much good it could have done. I was already fried. Oh, well, I guess it was a small price to pay. No one ever said stardom was easy.
And this is why we don't let 13-year-olds pretend that they're eighteen.
Chapter 11: Stacey and Robert and some other kids are on their way to Maui, where they plan to ascend a mountain, check out a crater, and do an overnighter or something. Stacey's stressing over Robert and that girl (Sue Archer) he may or may not have flirted with on the plane. And did he ogle the flight attendant? No, he swears he only ogled the flight attendant's offered beverage. So they're sniping at each other, which is fun. The chapter ends with the epic line: We glanced out over the big, gaping hole.
The book could just end here, and I'd be fine with that.
But no!
Chapter 12: Claudia goes to a war memorial, and this makes her feel even worse. She can't stop thinking about Pearl Harbor. She's worried that people are looking at her (a Japanese person) and blaming her for the attacks. A group of tourists actually mistake her for a native Hawaiian person, but as you can probably imagine, that doesn't improve things.
Chapter 13: Y'all, I excused Mary Anne's "Ohio" earlier, but I don't know. I don't know what her excuse is, writing holel instead of hotel. Half the dots on her i's are flying eastward. Is she losing it?
Are her days of being BSC secretary numbered?
Gilligan's Island is referenced, so that's two vintage shows we've talked about (recall, if you will, the Brady Bunch leis), but knowing what I know about Ann M. Martin and her fellow-baby-boomer ghostwriters, it shouldn't be the last.
Mary Anne gently confronts Claudia about her woeful state, and they have a nice talk. Later, while preparing to leave for a tour, Mary Anne gets involved in a search for a 5-year-old boy who has gone missing from the hotel lobby. She successfully finds him through her powers of sleuthing, and is rewarded by being offered a baby-sitting job for the next day.
So go ahead and mark "baby-sitting while on vacation" off those Super Special BINGO cards, you lucky ducks! It took us thirteen chapters, but we got there.
Chapter 14: Dawn follows three unaccompanied minors to a secluded beach. There's no lifeguard on duty and the kids are swimming, but Dawn's biggest concern is the fact that this beach is filthy! Litter everywhere! The very nerve!
Chapter 15 goes to Robert, a character I have a hard time picturing or even believing exists. I think I only ever read one of the main series books he was in. Anyway, he and Stacey continue to have relationship issues. His jokes fall flat with her, a Wizard of Oz reference sails right over her head, and just when they seem to be getting along (holding hands even), it's time to do a helicopter tour, and they get assigned to different choppers!
Chapter 16: Stacey's helicopter crashes. I'm not making this up. This girl has the worst luck on vacations. Pete Black is on the same doomed flight. Does anyone else remember that Stacey and Pete Black used to go out, way back in Book 3? Neither of them seems to remember. Anyway, everyone's fine, but now they're lost in a jungle or something.
Chapter 17: We learn that Mallory (back in Stoneybrook) has been going to the park every day in the hopes of seeing Margaret Wellfleet (the park mom) so she can show her. And she... does, I guess? Margaret's own two kids are with her at the park one day, and one of them has a massive tantrum. Margaret absolutely fails at controlling it. Mallory is able to make eye contact with Margaret and she gets a big dose of self-satisfaction. And that's it. Was Margaret shown? No, but Mallory's now over it, and really, that's what matters most. (Kristy may never recover from being hung up on, though.)
Chapter 18: Mary Anne continues to devolve into Claudia, as she refers to the place they're in as Hawii in her journals.
It turns out the Reynolds's grandfather is a WWII veteran, and he's due home the next day. When the parents come home, they ask Mary Anne if she'd like to sit for a second day in a row. Mary Anne suggests Claudia.
Back at the hotel, the baby-sitters learn about Stacey's helicopter crash and think, For pete's sake, can we get through ONE vacation without Stacey being involved in a vehicular accident? (Nah, jk, they're worried for her.)
Chapter 19: Claudia baby-sits for the Reynolds kids, meets the War Vet Grandpa, and actually has a nice conversation with him, where she explains her existential guilt and he shares his perspective. It's actually a well-written chapter... like a fresh, sparkling oasis in the middle of a garbage-covered beach. Really. Kudos, chapter 19!
Chapter 20: Rather than sit around the hotel and worry about Stacey, Dawn organizes a beach clean-up. She gets biodegradable trash bags from Mrs. Reynolds (who runs the hotel) and she, Jessi, and a few others begin their beach-tidying project. A few local kids help, too.
The trash they pick up includes: a chicken skeleton, dog hair, a bike tire, a Grateful Dead cassette, a stethoscope and a steering wheel. The illustrations would suggest nobody bothered with PPE, but I guess they were grateful to just get those free trash bags and thought it would be rude to ask for gloves.
Chapter 21: SURPRISE! Stacey's alive, and she and Robert reunite and make up and ZzZzZ.
Chapter 22: A lot of nonsense happens in this chapter. We learn that Stacey is telling tall tales about her doings after the helicopter crash. Logan asks her what she'd been afraid of most during her adventure, and she responds: "The one-eyed hermit was definitely pretty horrible, but the Great Haleakala Lava Beast was the worst." Everyone howls with laughter, but I have to ask: is this a trauma response? Stacey, are you really okay?
Dawn the Surfer (in Jessi's words) teaches Logan how to surf. Has Dawn ever surfed before this book? I know she knew some surfers in California Girls (SS #5), but it was Stacey who was a surfing fiend in that one. Oh well. Stacey's been through enough without having to teach Logan how to do anything.
Jessi has filled an entire notebook with info. for Mallory and has to start a new one. In it she writes: I almost feel that the trip should be starting now, not ending. Stacey and Robert look happy together. Claudia's not brooding. Dawn has seven islands full of beachfront she can clean. Mary Anne and Logan still aren't doing stuff together, but you can tell they want to.
Okay, but what stuff, exactly?
Never mind, it's time to go home. Two of their chaperone/teachers present the kids with leis at the airport as they're due to leave.
Thinks Logan: Yyyyyes! That's what I call a teacher.
They all make the 12+ hour trip home to Stoneybrook. Mary Anne and Logan agree that being TBI (Together But Independent) sucked, and that they'll never do that again.
Jessi gives Mallory the notebooks (and, presumably, the 19-odd rolls of film.)
The book ends with Mallory writing a thank you note to Jessi and hinting that Margaret Wellfleet (park mom) has called the BSC, looking for a sitter.
Let's take a look at our trusty Super Special tropes checklist...
☑Will someone make an unusual friend who is then never heard from again? Yes! Mary Anne/Claudia and the Reynolds family; Dawn & Jessi and the kids they met at the trashy beach.
◻Will one of the baby-sitters fall in LUV? Not this time. Mary Anne and Logan / Stacey and Robert both have some ups and downs during the book, but we don't get any new beaus on the scene.
☑Will at least one baby-sitter who is supposed to be on vacation/sans children be put in a position where they must care for children anyway? Yes, Mary Anne and the lost little boy and then Mary Anne & Claudia and the Reynolds kids.
☑ Will someone have a near-death experience? Stacey... again.
◻Will someone act like a major jerk, even though they're normally pretty pleasant? She's not a jerk, exactly, but Jessi's definitely annoying the other baby-sitters with her constant camera clicks and obsession with documenting everything.
🗹Will the airplane seats have two seats, then five seats, then two more? Unclear. And those parts of the book were so boring, I don't even want to go back and check.
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Thoughts on this cover...
Not much to really say. You can tell who everyone is. The leis and grass skirts are a bit cliche, but the one thing that truly bothers me is that 7 out of 8 of them are wearing socks and sneakers. On a BEACH. In HAWAII! C'mon.
* * *
Pros & Cons Of The Book:
Cons:
The running gags (Claudia's suitcases, Abby wanting to be "discovered" by Steven Spielberg, Abby's allergy-speak, Dawn's obsession with the planet, Stacey's tall tales about her overnight escapade, Jessi's dozens of rolls of film consumption) weren't funny. Granted, I am way older than the target audience, but hey, I still chuckle reading the early BSC books, and that's because Ann M. Martin could be funny without being ridiculous.
I enjoyed some of the touristy Hawaii stuff, but a lot of the locations and tours just blended together. I had a hard time keeping track of who was where, and when, and for how long.
Not a single Claudia outfit description. We're told some people are wearing "Hawaiian shirts," and at one point, grass skirts are mentioned, but I want more. (And considering all the talk about her suitcases, I expected more, darnit!)
I think Dawn could've just stayed in California and we'd all have been the better for it.
Mallory's plot was, as far as I know, kind of new & different for a BSC book, but I couldn't help thinking that if she were slightly older, and it were 2025, she'd be going straight home from the park/baby-sitting job and angrily typing out an AITAH post. (And the response would have been: ESH. Why are 11-year-olds baby-sitting infants and preschoolers in parks?)
Stacey's plot was like deja vu, and not just because we've seen Stacey get in a vehicular accident while on vacation before (California Girls.) We've seen BSCers get lost in the wilderness before as well! (Baby-Sitters Summer Vacation, Baby-Sitters' Island Adventure.)
Pros:
Claudia's plot, and by extension, Mary Anne's (minus the Logan stuff), save the book from being a total drag.
The baby-sitters did attempt to teach each other (and the readers) how to use some Hawaiian words and expressions. Some history lessons were imparted.
RATING!
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a rousing Baby-Sitters Club adventure, and 1 being a book I'd send straight to Goodwill, I give Aloha, Baby-Sitters! a 1.7. There are ten characters who get chapters. Of those, only Claudia's is any good, and Mary Anne's is half good. That takes us to 1.5. I'll throw in an extra .2 for the history lessons.
In conclusion, don't lie about your age, or else you might get sunburned. Don't take so many notes and photos on your vacation that you forget to really live for the moment. And above all, don't wear your phone number on your shirt -- unless you actually want people calling you.
For more BSC Super Special reviews, click here!
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