Gone Games

The 2016 Summer Olympic Games have come to a close, but before I go back to watching 80s TV shows on Netflix, I'd like to mention a few things about The Games....

First off, even though I watched lots of swimming and track races again this year, I did catch some new events! Such as...

Trampoline. People bouncing really high! And doing flips! I had never seen this competition before; in fact, I was sure it must be a brand-new event. But I guess it's actually been around since 2000. Even so, super fun to watch. Boingggg!

Canoe Slalom: You know what I find boring? Olympic rowing races. Maybe because the camera usually just shows a closeup on four people moving their arms in a repetitive motion for what seems like an hour. Meh. But this year I watched the Canoe Slalom events, and what a difference rapids and obstacles make! Totally fun! 

Equestrian Jumping: Okay, I know equestrian competitions have been around forever, but ANIMALS GET TO BE IN THE OLYMPICS, YOU GUYS! I love that.

The winner of the Equestrian "Jump-Off" I watched the other day was show rider Nick Skelton from the U.K., along with his horse, Big Star. I'm not sure how old Big Star is, but Mr. Skelton is 58, which in Olympic Years means he's pretty much Methuselah. 

Which brings me to something that's been bothering me the past two weeks: The Olympic commentators have an annoying way of making me feel old. They love to talk about the athletes' ages. "This guy's only 18! Wow, what a prodigy!" "This guy's 28, oh... he's getting up there..." "Michael Phelps is 31; gettin' ready to retire!" 

Apparently, anyone over the age of about 32, myself included, is officially geriatric. 

And I get it; I mean, there's a scientific link between age and health and physical fitness/stamina. People in their late teens and twenties are often in their physical prime. They make up the largest number of Olympic competitors. They win a lot of medals. Older people, people over 30, well, we have brittle bones and are prone to gout and should really just go sit in a museum and wait for the end to come.

UGH.

But perhaps because I'm now considered "Olympically Old," I found particular pleasure, this year, in the stories involving athletes who were, well, older. Like Mr. Skelton, the equestrian. Or Kristin Armstrong, 43, who won Gold in the women's cycling time trial.

One lady I really wanted to raise a glass to was Oksana Chusovitina, 41, a gymnast who has actually been competing in the Olympic games since 1992. At her SEVENTH Olympic Games, she flew over the vault like a... well, name your airborne object. In a sport where nearly everyone peaks at about 18 and retires by 25 to become a commentator, coach, or 7th Heaven guest star, Ms. Chusovitina is like, "Where's the vault? Oh, that tiny lil thing? Run, run, run, WHEEEEE! Ha ha! Suck it, teenagers!" (Not her actual words, but, you know.)

Anyway, that's it for 2016. In four years (2020, for the mathematically challenged) the Summer Games will take place in Tokyo. I intend to be watching. I just hope my retirement home has cable TV.

We All Fall Down

I really enjoy the summer Olympics. In general I have very little interest in sports, but when The Summer Games are on, I'm there, in front of my TV.

On Friday I watched the Opening Ceremonies.

In a nutshell:

*Uhhh did I accidentally tune in to Disney's Fantasia?

*Holy crap are there a lot of countries in this world!!

*Tonga flag bearer = shiny.

*Refugee team makes us go "awww."

On Saturday I watched the men's bike race, which took place over the hills of Rio. Lots of curves. Very dangerous downhill rides. Several guys went off the road. Painful.

Sunday, it was the women's bike race. Toward the end, the lead racer flipped over her handlebars and landed so hard, I thought for sure she was dead. (She wasn't.) 

Later, during the swimming trials, we got a glimpse of Chad Le Clos, the South African Swimmer who beat Michael Phelps in one race four years ago, and apparently... things are not good between them. Because Monday night before one of the semifinals, this happened:

Yikes!

Apparently the non-love is a result of Michael, a while back, saying that some international races Chad participated in had "slow" overall times, and Chad shooting back that at least his times were faster than anything Michael had done lately.

They'll have it out in the pool later tonight.

Theirs isn't the only rivalry of epic proportions. American swimmer Lilly King is not a fan of drug cheats, mainly one so-called cheater in particular, and she will let you know!

I certainly haven't watched every minute of the games. Some events just don't interest me. Also, annoyingly, NBC's evening coverage on the west coast is NOT live, which means I have to try to avoid spoilers before the races. It's so much less exciting if you know ahead of time who's going to win. 

NBC.com, on the other hand, streams events live. While trying to download the latest version of FlashPlayer so I could watch Olympics stuff on my computer, I managed to inadvertently co-download software called True Key, supposedly by Intel. Its gimmick of allowing you to "log onto your computer with your FACE" sounds, well, sort of menacing.

Maybe Michael Phelps was trying to log in to Chad Le Clos' mind with HIS face?

I'm currently trying to uninstall it.

Grin, Grin, Glare

So it's day I-don't-know of the 2012 Olympics and wow has it been exciting! So much to report on since last week. (Like you need me to report anything; you've all been keeping up with all the events, right? RIGHT?)

Let's just say after the past week, there are now two things I know for sure:

1. The beach volleyball sand is really really deep.

2. "Threepeat" is apparently a word now, even though google still gives it the red squiggly line when I type it. Whoa, wait a second, google even gives "google" the red line. That is shameful. (I think I'm supposed to capitalize it. I won't bend.)

Meanwhile, in gymnastics... how cute is this kid?

Gabby Douglas (USA), the gold medalist in the ladies' gymnastics all-around competition. Though I don't know how any of those gymnasts fly through the air like that. It just doesn't seem possible. And yet, there it is. And talking about God after her big win: "I give all the glory to God. It's kind of a win-win situation. The glory goes up to Him, and the blessings fall down on me." Yeah! Gabby, keep on rockin'.

Then here we have Chad le Clos...

...aka, "The Guy Who Beat Michael Phelps."

20 years old from South Africa, and highly adorable.

Swimming is still one of my favorite sports to watch at the Olympics. Michael Phelps, of course, and now Missy Franklin and Chad le Clos as well. And watch out for Katie Ledecky! 15 years old, winner of the 800 meter freestyle, and now the American record-holder.

When I was 15... well, let's just say my life didn't revolve around anything resembling exercise. :/

After the swimming portion of the Olympics came to a close, I was worried I wouldn't have anything else to really get excited about. And then came this...

The women's marathon! In London! Like, past all those famous buildings! I never knew watching a marathon could be thrilling. They're so long. But it was really cool! First everyone was in a big pack. Then they started to spread out. But the people in the front didn't necessarily stay there the whole time. People from way back were able to catch up. Then in the end, it wasn't even that close of a finish.

Just watching them go all that distance and never stopping... wow. WOW. How? I'd be collapsed after a minute. (I know, they've trained and are in great shape. But still. My props go out.)

But back to gymnastics for a second...

Ah, McKayla Maroney. The commentators would not shut up about how perfect she was and how she had never had a bad leap-dee-doo on the vault. How there was no way she was going to walk out of there without the gold. Well, apparently McKayla thought so too, and then... she landed on her behind. Then she wore this face until I finally turned off the TV.

Yeah, it's sad. You got silver. Okay. But with her apparent attitude, I didn't really feel for her. I felt more for Ellie Black from Canada.

She did a really wacky landing and harmed herself, but she didn't seem pissed, just disappointed.

Great job at the team finals, Ellie, and I hope you have great success in the future!

And please, never let me catch you making the Maroney face.

Athlete, Athlete, Hamburger

The Olympics are in full swing, and an hour into NBC's broadcast I find that some things never change. Such as... the commercials. The commercials are terrible. There are so many to hate:

1. XFinity. "This... is this. This... is this. And this? Is awesome. XFinity: The Future... Of Awesome."

THAT MAKES NO SENSE. EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. IT DOESN'T. GOODBYE.

2. American Family Insurance. These commercials have been around a while, so I can't really say it's the Olympics' fault, but if I have to hear one more hipster/yuppie telling me to go chase my dream and hold onto it, I will steal someone's bicycle and then litter. LITTER, DANGIT. I also loathe that lady at the end who sings: Amerrrican Fammmily InSUUURancccccccce!" Not since Unchained Melody has it ever taken someone so long to sing three words.

3. Coca-Cola and McDonalds. They try to latch on to the whole "American Spirit" thing we've got going on during the games and sell themselves as these American icons -- which, you know, they are -- but their very presence seems to mock all that we see when the actual Olympics are on. I mean, look at those athletes. Strong, steady, muscular. Coke is good, but, no, it's not technically good for you. McDonalds... well... I guess they have some okay stuff, but unless you go there specifically for yogurt or something, McDonalds not good for you either. There's just something disturbing about a visual procession of: Athlete, Athlete, Hamburger.

4. Target/Wal-Mart/Anyone Selling School Supplies. Every summer they spam my TV with their inane ads for notebooks and pencils. Only this year Target has gone back to the "try to be cool, sound like a moron" tactic, and Wal-Mart is... well, Wal-Mart. Maybe it's because I don't have school-aged kids (or... kids), these just doesn't appeal to me. No... no, that's not it. It's because the commercials are a constant a reminder that the school year is quickly approaching and I will be going back to work. *twitch* 

And because they're all badly done.

BUT

Enough

About

That

Let's talk about the O-L-Y-M-P-I-C-S! (I promise, I'll only talk about things that have actually been broadcast on NBC on the west coast of the USA, so yeah... I'm probably sounding pretty outdated.)

How about that Missy Franklin, huh? Swam in the prelims and got a 10 minute break before she had to swim for the gold and then WON THE GOLD? The killer thing about it is that she's 17 years old and still in high school! And instead of taking money for endorsements from everyone, she has decided she would rather swim for her school's swim team. Adorrrrable.

And then there's Michael Phelps. Okay, so he didn't do that well in his first race the other day. And while he was super fast in the relay, his team didn't ace it overall. But at the prelims for the breast stroke he came in first! YAY! Okay, I realize that's not for a medal but it still made me happy. Go, Michael, go!!!

And how about the Men's Gymnastics? WOW. China was way ahead, and they had a sure gold by the end of it. But it was a nailbiter to see who would get silver and gold. You had the UK team, who hadn't medaled in a good long while, the Japan team, and the Ukraine team.

Well, towards the bitter end, one of the Japanese guys appeared to fall off the pommel horse. He did a total granny cartwheel of of it and got a deduction. The scores were SO TIGHT that this put Japan into 4th place, Ukraine into third, and UK into second. Everyone was screaming and cheering, when all of a sudden, the Japanese folks decided to submit a formal inquiry. They said that the guy who granny cartwheeled actually did a handstand, which was the thing he was supposed to do, and even though he had a somewhat awkward landing, land he did -- he did not fall.

In the end, the judges watched the tapes repeatedly and agreed that I guess the dude KINDA stood in hand-stand fashion? Sorta? And landed, not fell? Okay. They credited him for landing. And the scores were SO CLOSE that it actually made a big difference: Japan took silver, UK took gold, adorable Ukraine guys' hearts sank to their toes. Sigh. I just wanted to hug them all.

Goodbye To The Summer (Olympics)

I'm going to miss watching the Olympics, even though NBC showed way too much beach volleyball... and for some reason I kept missing the men's gymnastics. (Women's gymnastics isn't as good, imo. Especially the balance beam. They're always slipping off of it. That's only entertainment if you hate the gymnasts.)

My favorite thing? Swimming, duh! Michael Phelps! ADORABLE! I have a crush on a swimmer, y'all! Me and a million other girls, but oh... so exciting. Especially that race where he won by 1/100th of a second. At first you couldn't even tell who won. It looked like that other guy for sure. Then they showed Michael's name on the board - 1st! And he was so happy! He looked like a little boy, splashing the water and yelling with glee.

And we have the same initials, so that's cool.

I hadn't watched the Summer Olympics in a long time. Okay, maybe an event here and there, but nothing like my viewing this year. In 1988, I remember being at my aunt and uncle's house and watching the Olympics there. And I have vague memories of the events that took place in 1984. Well, mostly I just remember Mary Lou Retton was on the Wheaties box.
















Yay Wheaties!

Hey, I was three. I'm lucky I can remember that much!

When my brother and I were younger we used to have games for the Commodore 64 called "Summer Games" and "Winter Games," and you basically got to pick a country and then compete in various Olympic sports as a representing member of that country. Of course, this was back when you had to do everyhing with a joystick and a button. As you can probably imagine, the iceskaters fell down a lot, the horses fell down a lot, the javelin throwers would impale themselves... and we'd get frustrated rather quickly.

But my memories are fond nonetheless.

Brisco?

What do you think of when you hear the words "Summer Olympics"? Do you think about beach volleyball? Pole vaulting? Diving? Gymnastics?

How about...













?


I turned on the TV today and immediately heard the theme song for The Adventures Of Brisco County, Jr. But Bruce Campbell was nowhere in sight. Instead it was an Olympics commercial for NBC.
Because nothing says "Olympics" like the conjuring of images of a rough-riding bounty hunter who talks to his horse.

Come to think of it, there were a few episodes where Brisco had to go up against Chinese warriors. Hey, maybe it all makes sense after all.