Goofy Retro Baby Ads, Part 1

In this post I make fun of baby-themed print ads circa 1980-1982.

"It could only be Johnson's Baby Lotion." That, or strawberry yogurt being impaled.

Finally! Remember when opening high chair trays required TWO entire hands? Remember how you had to put the baby on the floor while you wrestled with the chair, and half the time the baby would crawl away and get lost and the other half of the time you'd forget what you were even doing until hours later, when you would find your youngster outdoors, hunting for game and cooking it over an open fire? ...

 Never again.

My dad used to go to a barber who had three chairs in his waiting area that looked remarkably like this carseat. I feel like this baby ought to be smoking a cigar and shuffling a deck of cards.

Cushies claims a new, easy-to-open container. I don't buy it. Even in 2012, I have trouble getting these things open.

Buy Evenflo, get a free airhorn!

The driest ad I've ever seen.

Lysol used to make maple syrup?

So... does she use the same cloth in all four of those pictures? And in that order?

Copy written by Jennifer, age 22 months.

I get that the water probably only looks yellow because the tub is yellow, but the art director was clearly asleep at the wheel, here. ALL WRONG.

I know where to buy these things already. Great Aunt Myrtle's estate sale, duh.

INFINITE reclining positions! It can recline back, really far back, upside-down, and even fourth-dimensionally! The Maxi Taxi: For when you want a really embarrassing name attached to your stroller.
(A quick google search reveals the brand is still around, but it's still a cheesy name, dangit.)

Yes, ask your mother. Ask the woman who your baby has apparently never seen before and is also highly suspicious of. Go on, ask her! :D

For more, check out Part 2!