Glossy Time Capsules #2: Family Circle - 1986

Glossy Time Capsules #2

Family Circle

December, 1986

Price: 95 cents

I tried to read "The Elf Who Almost Bungled Christmas," but a little piece of me died by the time I'd completed paragraph two. So sorry, no summaries here.

Here, have some Reagans instead!

Is there anything more inherently 80s than the Reagans?

Well, not counting any of these things....

Or these...

V.C.R. GAMES

from KAY-BEE.

 BEE still my heart!

Oh no, what's this?

Sacrilege. SMH.

I think there may be a JELL-O ad in every domestic magazine I possess.

Um....

Now when you say "borrow," you don't mean you're planning to give them back...?

Mmmm, Snickers.

Meanwhile, in Advice From Your Elders... I mean, Etiquette....

Risk offending your relatives? HAHAHAHA...

DO IT.

Uh huh. Say, what's that on the TV?

Interesting choice, ad company. No wonder both the kids are more interested in a frog on a string.

 Speaking of strings...

I reviewed this back in 2015 during my 30 Days Of Retro Toys feature. Such a shame this didn't catch on. Maybe the constant preaching in a squeaky voice was a turn-off for toddlers? Hear for yourself in this youtube video, and welcome to nightmare land.

And now, I present: Words never again seen in print after 1986...

Ah, Christmas, 1986....

Popples! Sweet Secrets! Pound Puppies! Fluppies!

I was actually thinking about those puppet dogs the other day. I had one. I may even still have one. Mine was brown with blue overalls and I think he came with a cloth bone.

Meanwhile, in 80s fashion...

I'm disappointed that her shoulder pads aren't bigger, here. Love the brooch, though.

1986 cigarette ads seemed to involve a lot of people not standing upright....

On a related note....

Sadly -- and yet unsurprisingly -- receiving an "I'm A Star" button mattered to absolutely no one. :( 

Oooh lala, Kleenex! You're too posh for my sneezes.

Yes. Here's what you should know....

Your baby is a demon!! RUNNNNN!!!!

Funshine Bear looks like he's going to come down and smack the girl.

(I really just Googled "Funshine Bear He Or She?" I found this. My life is now complete.)

It just wouldn't be Family Circle without CRAFTS!

Simultaneously noise-proof and turn your nursery into a fire trap in one easy afternoon!

Time for another round of "Neat Stuff You Should Buy!" -- 1986 Edition

And finally, a reminder than even 32-odd years ago, magazines that were supposedly there to entertain and encourage women still gave credence to crap like this....

Hey, discontented men? 

This one's for you.