Hey everyone, please help me decide which of these films I should move to the top of my Netflix queue. I can't decide.
I loved watching Charlotte's Web as a kid! All that singing! Tralalalalalalala Zuckerman's famous pig, dee dum. I don't remember Wilbur's eyes being quite so blue, nor do I recall the baby spiders wearing drag queen wigs, but that's okay because this newest movie is sure to be full of fun, friendship, and adventure! Like, maybe that there lamb will get lost in the wilderness and Wilbur will rally everyone together to go out and rescue her! Or maybe the spiders will start a girl band! There are so many possibilities! I don't care what they do as long as there's singing and lots of it!
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This is going to be great because what better way to snuff out Hannah Montana than by taking her aboard a boat on the high seas with some wizards? It's so perfect. They will be able to use their magical spells to dispose of Hannah FOREVER, and when anyone asks, they can say she fell overboard, and no one will ever know because the ocean is very large, you see! Yes. This will be most excellent.
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Oh my gosh, you guys, I am dying to see this. Not only is it a sequel to the classic comedy of yesteryear ("You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" haha) but it features Daniel Stern, who, as we all know, was the voice of Older Kevin Arnold in The Wonder Years (nostalgia power!) AND one of the lovable, hapless burglars in Home Alone (Christmas power!)!! I know this will capture the spirit of the original... and holidays everywhere!
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It's always so sad when you think a character has learned her lesson in the first film only to find out that no, she hasn't, and, in fact, she's about to take her foolishness to a global level. Dear old Harriet, now a teenager, is going to get herself in hot water on the internet! Hilarious modern-days hi-jinks, get ready to ensue!
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No! Tell me the Plastics are not back! I was sure Lindsay Lohan ran them over with her car! Oh well. I just hope that blonde girl in the front is capable of vanquishing the Plastics for good this time because ughhhh I hate those Plastics SO MUCH.
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Wait, wait, wait... that's all I ever do anymore, it seems. First I had to wait four years for the Batman sequel, and now I have to wait until SEPTEMBER 18TH to experience this sequel, and I can't stand it. Why can't Disney just beam the movie straight into my brain? I wouldn't be able to pirate it. I would just be able to love it. Now excuse me while I go design a 28-day pop-up advent-type calendar to make the anticipation less excruciating.
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I still remember where I was the first time I learned about this film. It was a Tuesday. The weather had grown cold. I was wearing my puffy purple jacket, jeans, and my orange sneakers. The DVD caught my eye in one of the store aisles and I immediately took a step back because dang was the man on that cover ugly! Which is not to say ugly men can not be actors (they, in fact, can) but typically they don't get to be on the cover of the DVD box. I mean, that's pretty rare. So instead of shelling out the dough for this at the time (as I should have) I went home and looked the movie up on the internet. And GET THIS: that ugly guy? NOT A GUY. IT'S A LADY! IT'S THAT BLONDE LADY FROM THE LEFT SIDE OF THE BOX IN DISGUISE!!! I could not believe it. I went back to the store to buy the DVD, because I just had to see this hilarity, but the DVD was GONE! Now every time I go to the store I look for it, but alas, it is never there. My one true chance at happiness, and I blew it.
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So now it is time to choose one of these films to earn the coveted #1 spot on my Netflix queue! There can be only one. So... I leave it to you, my noble and worthy friends, to decide! Help me rent happiness!
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